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Well I will say that dating a woman with kids in a serious way is one of the hardest things Ive done. Always dealing with the ex. Dealing with kids you cant really dicipline appropriately. So its hard. Not impossible.
And I never understood the waiting ten years to date until they are grown. I know you shouldnt parade guys in front of them but you need a life too. My mom waited several years after my dad died for me and I hated it. I wanted her to be happy. She was lonely and it just made me into a brat. But to each their own.
good post, for the 1st time on CDF i am seeing an OP entertain the concept that single w kids could possibly be a liability. in france, this is an established long time reality and kiss of death for the french girl. now the next giant step for american girls is addressing the concept of free sex, by the time a french girl is 16 she knows her worth down to the penny (centime)
I don't know...coming from New York, being a single mom is not as much of a stigma as it used to be. Plenty of single moms get remarried, or at the very least find long-term partners for themselves. Hell, my sister found someone with 3 children! After her divorce, she was on my couch crying her eyes out that nobody will want her, little did she know, she had options to chose from!
A good woman will not go unnoticed. Yes, I'm sure it's harder to find someone when you have a child, but it's certainly very common and very possible nowdays.
I've visited some of the local dating sites in the past week and there is a shocking amt of single mothers out there.
Sad thing is most will have a difficult time finding a future partner due to the whole baggage social stigma.
I can't imagine how tuff it must be for them.
I can only speak for myself but if other men out there even think remotely the way I do then a single women has very little prospects to chose from.
In my case I could never get involved w/ a single mom, from the outstart there would be concerns over the ex being around, or not paying child support and I having to support another mans kid. Then there is the fact that she would already have 1 child so it would diminish our options to have a big family of our own, as I would imagine she wouldn't want to have that many children only to be left again (or the fear of it happening again I should say).
What should they do, should single men w/ no kids give them a shot/
Let me ask you this: do you join these sites in hopes of dating women and having sex with them? I'm simultaneously amused and baffled by the reaction of men who want to have sex with women but are surprised that some of them have children. You know where babies come from, right?
good post, for the 1st time on CDF I am seeing an OP entertain the concept that single w kids could possibly be a liability. In France, this is an established long time reality and kiss of death for the french girl. now the next giant step for American girls is addressing the concept of free sex, by the time a french girl is 16 she knows her worth down to the penny (centime)
I have generally been mystified by the high school aged girls who have a child or two and keep them. Something about our society is really amiss when this is not considered a serious liability. Unfortunately it is heavily supported too so abortion or adoption are never seriously considered. Something is missing in the training and education of children today (and for about 40 years now) that such a large percentage place so little importance in properly preparing oneself for the real world.
In the past, women became single mothers because the death of their husband. There was little stigma to this and generally they remarried. At least 2 recent US presidents came from this background.
Then as the divorce rate soared, the widow single mothers were quickly outnumbered by divorcees. For a while, remarriage for these women was common but eventually, men started to realize that there were serious problems with these marriages. Success rates of second marriages were considerably lower than first and third even lower yet. An ex was sometimes in the picture too, creating further problems. However, what finally changed attitudes was that men also eventually determined that the children created serious problems because they were not his. He takes on all of the responsibilities with almost no rights.
The last couple of decades have seen the rapid increase in the number of never married single mothers. A number of men seem to thrive in this milieu, moving from one to another. Since they have little in the way of assets and their income is often difficult to trace, there is little society can do to them.
This makes an obvious point. While there may be a single father for every child of a single mother, they may have to share him with several or sometimes more than a dozen step siblings. So no, there is not one single father for every single mother.
For these single mothers, breaking out of this cycle, that often starts well before possible high school graduation, is very difficult. The result is that a very low percentage of these women ever make a real success of their life. While an ex is often not an impediment to their relationship, other factors are actually worse and successful men are very reluctant to get involved.
I keep wondering when this bleak situation will get through to girls and women, like if has in France, but for the moment, it appears that there too many agents in society working hard to put off this day.
I've visited some of the local dating sites in the past week and there is a shocking amt of single mothers out there.
Sad thing is most will have a difficult time finding a future partner due to the whole baggage social stigma.
I can't imagine how tuff it must be for them.
I can only speak for myself but if other men out there even think remotely the way I do then a single women has very little prospects to chose from.
In my case I could never get involved w/ a single mom, from the outstart there would be concerns over the ex being around, or not paying child support and I having to support another mans kid. Then there is the fact that she would already have 1 child so it would diminish our options to have a big family of our own, as I would imagine she wouldn't want to have that many children only to be left again (or the fear of it happening again I should say).
What should they do, should single men w/ no kids give them a shot/
Oh joy. Yet another thread about how many single moms there are out there. When I see all the single moms on a dating site, the first thought that enters my mind isn't how hard it'll be for them to find someone who'll wanna date them. The first thought I have is "I wonder how many of these women's kids have deadbeat dads who couldn't be real men and stick around." The bottom line with the dating world is you will always have some things working against you. That's true of anyone, not just single moms. But that shouldn't stop you from putting yourself back out there. If you're a guy who doesn't want to date a single mom, fine. But don't begrudge the single mom who wants to meet someone. I doubt any of these women are looking for pity or to be treated as leftovers. There are plenty of people on dating sites that I would have no interest in. But rather than say "gee, there are lot of women who are A, B and C", I wouldn't think much of it and just move onto the next person.
In my case I could never get involved w/ a single mom
Ditto. If they need banged while junior is at school then I'm totally down. But, if they are looking for a daddy or a shining knight on a white horse then forget about it.
Let me ask you this: do you join these sites in hopes of dating women and having sex with them? I'm simultaneously amused and baffled by the reaction of men who want to have sex with women but are surprised that some of them have children. You know where babies come from, right?
Hi JustJulia,
I think a single guy who took precautions not to have children despite this is going to be relevant. Another man's child just is not something that most men are going to consider a plus. Even in my 30s, I was not interested. If I had my own children it would be more equitable. Single mothers have plenty of men with children to choose from I figure.
Let me ask you this: do you join these sites in hopes of dating women and having sex with them? I'm simultaneously amused and baffled by the reaction of men who want to have sex with women but are surprised that some of them have children. You know where babies come from, right?
Hasn't any woman heard about birth control? Usually such threads are over run with such comments as yours. Only occasionally will a woman come on to post something like this (to paraphrase):
"I don't know what the problem is. I'm an educated woman of 32 and regularly use birth control since being unmarried, I don't want to have children yet. I've been have been sexually active for 15 years and I've never been pregnant."
Somehow, I have come to the conclusion that most of these women want to get pregnant. Snagging an alpha type is difficult and they think it this will give them a leg up. If that doesn't work, they can get on the dole and at least have the satisfaction of knowing their kid has at least half of the "right" genes.
Its only after they realize that they want more out of life that they start asking why all the other alpha guys are no longer pursuing them. Why wouldn't he be interested. He gets a ready made family with "superior" children.
Later on, when their kids are entering the juvenile delinquent stage, they start to look for nice guys as bail bondsmen and public defenders.
No problem at all dating a "single/divorced" mom. To many of them, I take my hat off to celebrate the strength of character to face all the odds and raise their kids, oftentimes way better than if they had stayed with their ex.
The majority of women I prefer to date are single or divorced moms. They are way more level headed, more in focus with the realities, have "grown up" and many have furthered their education as a result of their single status in an attempt to be able to seek higher paid jobs and thus be better providers for their families. Good for them.
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What does irk me though are all these anti-single mom screamers. How many of them have a clear conscience (or have even bothered to find out) if they haven't left children behind that they don't even know of because the mom took off after being rejected for falling pregnant/not seeking abortion in their dating days.......?
How many of these anti-single mom screamers have fathered children and have religiously paid child support?
How many have become "fathers" (not just a phone call/birthday or Xmas present to appease the conscience, ) but real, actively involved parents in the well being and stability of their children?
How many of these "fathers" cheated/or treated the mother in inhumane or other situations that provoked the mother to separate the child from their natural father for their own well-being/safety/or just to make sure the child had a meal on the table?
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*Please insert the word "dad" in the same places I have used the word "mom or mother" I also know a lot of single/divorced men who have had to raise their kids on their own, refraining from forming a formal relationship until the family bonding was complete and mature enough to understand the need for the parent's happiness.
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I have been one of them, proudly raised three very successful young ladies right the way through to their University graduate programs.
Pity their mom never took the time to communicate or play with them, bond with them, make friends with them, and participate in their lives until they were graduated.........
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