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My boyfriend and I broke up for a day, I left and asked to return 1 day later. He said we could try to make it work. Since then, we have fought (this was 2 1/2 weeks ago) some days and gotten along well others. He says he doesnt want to try anymore but we can continue living together and be together as in not seeing other people, but he really doesnt want to go all out and be the good boyfriend he used to be- calling and checking in & such. (I smothered him, this is why we broke up, it was a mutual breakup for 1 day) I dont mind this as I do trust him and he is a homebody for the most part. He seems to want to block me, I know he loves me, he wont admit it , but wont deny it either. I know he cares about me. He just thinks love is not enough, our personalities (my smothering and neediness) dont mesh. I, of course, disagree. Being that he is a somewhat indecisive person, how can I get him to see us differently and be more open to me again? Any suggestions, please. I want to keep trying. Thank you. We have been spending more time in seperate rooms (do not sleep in seperate rooms) and this has seemed to help, he does his thing, I do mine, then we hang out , just not 24 7 though we're both usually home (except for work, of course) thank you again.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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If it were me I'd give it up for various reasons but if you really want to try, make yourself really busy with lots of outside interests--and maintain them. I think that you can admit that he at least thinks you're smothering is big on your part. To me, that indicates you can grow rapidly if that's what it's going to take. I hope it works out for you both.
You said yourself, "love is not enough, our personalities don't mesh." "..he loves me, he won't admit it." These are clear signs that the relationship is ending. I wish you could find the strength in your heart to move on from it. It must be very uncomfortable sharing a home with a person who you just can't pin down.
You said yourself, "love is not enough, our personalities don't mesh." "..he loves me, he won't admit it." These are clear signs that the relationship is ending. I wish you could find the strength in your heart to move on from it. It must be very uncomfortable sharing a home with a person who you just can't pin down.
yep, still here. he is the one who says love is not enough. My hope is since hes indecisive, that he'll come around. .... Any thoughts on what I can do to help that happen? The outside interests Whitebyrd suggested sounds good. Seems to be more affectionate when I am gone for awhile, but may just be anticipating sex or something. (I dont want to get optimistic for nothing.)
Last edited by rivergirl1; 04-19-2010 at 10:29 AM..
Reason: sp
My boyfriend and I broke up for a day, I left and asked to return 1 day later. He said we could try to make it work. Since then, we have fought (this was 2 1/2 weeks ago) some days and gotten along well others. He says he doesnt want to try anymore but we can continue living together and be together as in not seeing other people, but he really doesnt want to go all out and be the good boyfriend he used to be- calling and checking in & such. (I smothered him, this is why we broke up, it was a mutual breakup for 1 day) I dont mind this as I do trust him and he is a homebody for the most part. He seems to want to block me, I know he loves me, he wont admit it , but wont deny it either. I know he cares about me. He just thinks love is not enough, our personalities (my smothering and neediness) dont mesh. I, of course, disagree. Being that he is a somewhat indecisive person, how can I get him to see us differently and be more open to me again? Any suggestions, please. I want to keep trying. Thank you. We have been spending more time in seperate rooms (do not sleep in seperate rooms) and this has seemed to help, he does his thing, I do mine, then we hang out , just not 24 7 though we're both usually home (except for work, of course) thank you again.
He broke off the relationship because of your smothering and you're still not willing to give him space. You are smothering him. Your smothering, clingy, neediness is driving him further and further away. If you continue, at some point, he won't even want to be friends.
Time to get:
1. Therapy
2. Outside interests
There's an old saw that says: if you love someone, set him free. If he returns, it was meant to be.
yep, still here. he is the one who says love is not enough. My hope is since hes indecisive, that he'll come around. .... Any thoughts on what I can do to help that happen? The outside interests Whitebyrd suggested sounds good. Seems to be more affectionate when I am gone for awhile, but my just be anticipating sex or something. (I dont want to get optimistic for nothing.)
I would definitely second the recommendation for outside interests that do not involve him. Make yourself busy and show him you have a life and are not sitting around waiting for him to simply change his mind. It will probably make him more attentive because he'll try to pull the reigns in a little bit to try to gain some control over you again. I'd resist that if I were you. Hopefully a new door opening and new interests in life will show you that this is not a happy situation and you deserve to find unconditional love.
yep, still here. he is the one who says love is not enough. My hope is since hes indecisive, that he'll come around. .... Any thoughts on what I can do to help that happen? The outside interests Whitebyrd suggested sounds good. Seems to be more affectionate when I am gone for awhile, but may just be anticipating sex or something. (I dont want to get optimistic for nothing.)
"He's just biding his time until someone better comes along. Have some dignity and leave."
Exactly what I was thinking.
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