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Seriously, did he really think this was going to change my mind or was his point to make me feel small for rejecting him and he really didn't want me to change my mind? OR, did he want me to feel small and still want me to change my mind?
I think he was just venting some frustration. Girls may not believe it, but they hold all the cards and have the upper hand in dating because they KNOW MORE ABOUT IT.
What do women do when they get together and talk? The talk about relationships, friends, family
What do men do when they get together and talk? They talk about football and politics.
Women just have a better understanding of what's going on and can always turn to each other to help figure it out if they're confused.
Men don't always have that, especially older men who maybe didn't grow up with close women friends. Men at no point in their lives are taught truly how women work, how to win them, and how to understand them and what is going on. He's just confused and has no idea how to handle it. He just needs someone to tell him things like "stop thinking a rejection is soley because of you" or "she doesn't have interest, why pursue a woman who isn't interested?"
I blame this same reason for the many stalkers of the world today, I don't think these "stalkers" are bad people, they just don't know what they're doing is unacceptable.
I think he was just venting some frustration. Girls may not believe it, but they hold all the cards and have the upper hand in dating because they KNOW MORE ABOUT IT.
What do women do when they get together and talk? The talk about relationships, friends, family
What do men do when they get together and talk? They talk about football and politics.
Women just have a better understanding of what's going on and can always turn to each other to help figure it out if they're confused.
Men don't always have that, especially older men who maybe didn't grow up with close women friends. Men at no point in their lives are taught truly how women work, how to win them, and how to understand them and what is going on. He's just confused and has no idea how to handle it. He just needs someone to tell him things like "stop thinking a rejection is soley because of you" or "she doesn't have interest, why pursue a woman who isn't interested?"
I really hate to think that men are all that clueless when it comes to relationships and women. I just don't buy that a penis makes them oblivious to right and wrong. I agree he didn't know how to handle it, I told him as much. I even told him that he shouldn't take it so personally. That didn't work.
Quote:
I blame this same reason for the many stalkers of the world today, I don't think these "stalkers" are bad people, they just don't know what they're doing is unacceptable.
By definition, stalking is a violation of boundaries, it is unwelcomed contact and pursuit. There may be a small percentage who are socially inept and mean no harm. But most stalkers know it is wrong and do it anyway. They are bad people.
[quote=cdubs3201;13923027]I think he was just venting some frustration. Girls may not believe it, but they hold all the cards and have the upper hand in dating because they KNOW MORE ABOUT IT.
Women just have a better understanding of what's going on and can always turn to each other to help figure it out if they're confused.
Men don't always have that, especially older men who maybe didn't grow up with close women friends. Men at no point in their lives are taught truly how women work, how to win them, and how to understand them and what is going on. He's just confused and has no idea how to handle it. He just needs someone to tell him things like "stop thinking a rejection is soley because of you" or "she doesn't have interest, why pursue a woman who isn't interested?"
~~~~~~~~~~
I am a woman and have spent 'a lot' of time discussing relationships and I don't think I know very much and generally have 'little control', much less the upper hand.
If you are really, really interested in understanding women/relationships, etc then I recommend that you read 'The Outlander' series by Diana Gabaldon. Historical fiction, time travel and basically 'the story of a marriage'.
'Jamie', 18thC Highlander, was 'designed' by Diana to be 'What Women Want'. LOL. He met and married Claire, WW2 British nurse, when he was 19/20--I forget. The series has progressed to Book 7 and Jamie and Claire are in their 50s--living in western NC, with the Revolutionary War about to begin. Jamie has learned a great deal about women --wink, wink. Very much the stereotypical male. If Jamie can do it--then there is hope for all men.
Plenty of fighting and wars and plenty hot sex. What's not to like?
Last edited by TakeAhike; 04-27-2010 at 09:32 AM..
I really hate to think that men are all that clueless when it comes to relationships and women. I just don't buy that a penis makes them oblivious to right and wrong. I agree he didn't know how to handle it, I told him as much. I even told him that he shouldn't take it so personally. That didn't work.
You'd hate to think it, but it's true, men at no point in their lives are taught these things. They hear what their mothers tell them, what they see on TV from Oprah and other talk shows, and they think that burying a girl with flowers and telling her I love you ever time he sees her is the way to her heart.
Men don't know jack about relationships. Period.
[quote=TakeAhike;13924413]
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201
~~~~~~~~~~
I am a woman and have spent 'a lot' of time discussing relationships and I don't think I know very much and generally have 'little control', much less the upper hand.
If you are really, really interested in understanding women/relationships, etc then I recommend that you read 'The Outlander' series by Diana Gabaldon. Historical fiction, time travel and basically 'the story of a marriage'.
You are wrong, you do have the upper hand and hold all the cards. You just don't realize it.
I have a better book for you: The System: Dating Dictionary. Sounds corny, but this book changed my life and how I view dating and women, and when I used to be so confused about so many things, this book helped me see the light. It's more of a blunt, man's version of "he's just not that into you", but it helps you understand how females do it. It explains a lot of those things that men just were never taught.
[quote=cdubs3201;13942736]You'd hate to think it, but it's true, men at no point in their lives are taught these things. They hear what their mothers tell them, what they see on TV from Oprah and other talk shows, and they think that burying a girl with flowers and telling her I love you ever time he sees her is the way to her heart.
Men don't know jack about relationships. Period.
Even if men don't 'know jack about relationships' if you happen to care for a man that is, shall we say, 'Alpha'--leader/cough--lacking in flexibility and all that, then it is difficult to feel 'powerful'. I also know he is not 'very good' at discussing 'painful' subjects that involve the dreaded feelings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TakeAhike
You are wrong, you do have the upper hand and hold all the cards. You just don't realize it.
I have a better book for you: The System: Dating Dictionary. Sounds corny, but this book changed my life and how I view dating and women, and when I used to be so confused about so many things, this book helped me see the light. It's more of a blunt, man's version of "he's just not that into you", but it helps you understand how females do it. It explains a lot of those things that men just were never taught.
I'll look for that book but I will guarantee you that the Outlander series is 'more Fun'. At some point I believe a film is forthcoming. sigh--Soulmates--Jamie and Claire.
You'd hate to think it, but it's true, men at no point in their lives are taught these things. They hear what their mothers tell them, what they see on TV from Oprah and other talk shows, and they think that burying a girl with flowers and telling her I love you ever time he sees her is the way to her heart.
Men don't know jack about relationships. Period.
This is patently absurd, and offensive to both mothers and men.
I happen to be a mother, to a man. He doesn't spend his time watching Oprah, nor is he a flower picking pansy. Whatever wussification you think all women inflict upon their sons may just be your personal experience. In the real world, some men are actually social failures who have been given the guidance but refuse to listen to reason and choose to ignore it - most often because they think they know it all.
This is patently absurd, and offensive to both mothers and men.
I happen to be a mother, to a man. He doesn't spend his time watching Oprah, nor is he a flower picking pansy. Whatever wussification you think all women inflict upon their sons may just be your personal experience. In the real world, some men are actually social failures who have been given the guidance but refuse to listen to reason and choose to ignore it - most often because they think they know it all.
I didn't try to make it seem like it's the Mother's fault that men are uneducated in relationships, it's just men aren't like that by NATURE.
Meaning, women are more in touch with emotions and sharing those emotions, while at the same time tend to discuss relationships more often and therefore have a better understanding of them.
Also, in American society (though it's evolving) men are typicall the ones to court the women into a relationship, and women are typically more passive and submissive. Now with the women's rights revolution, women now have a stronger voice and decision in who they choose as their mate, and therefore expectations have risen. Pair that along with the trend AWAY from marrying at a young age, and staying married until death, relationships are a lot more confusing for men who really don't have the opportunities to be taught certain things by society. It's just not in our nature, and society doesn't help us. Literally it's easier for women to sit back, wait for men to hit on them, and hold out for Mr. Perfect (and then complain that she hasn't found him). Men have to go the extra step, put their ego on the line (and the male ego is a significant yet fragile thing), and risk rejection by women who aren't expected to go out and put THEMselves on the line and ask out men. If they flirt, smile, talk to guys they like they haven't put it all out on the table like guys do when they ask a girl out on a date.
Of all the men in American who come across as needy or creepy, I'll bet most of them don't even know what they're doing wrong.
A young man needs guidance from both genders on how to have fulfilling relationships.
Getting it from the male side and the female side will provide a balance.
Not saying that single parents cannot raise emotionally balanced children.
But it helps if a child has both influences.
In older times if one parent was absent for whatever reason, the other in the community of that gender would step in to teach and guide.
Even though there are mentoring programs out there, it happens less frequently now.
then, there are some adults who should not even be allowed to say anything to a child because their own life is pretty much 90% bad choices.
I once went out with a guy I met online. We went to a hockey game. He was a decent guy, I just wasn't attracted to him (at the time I was still hung up on someone who wasn't available). At the time, I was looking for a new job and he knew that. Rather than blow him off, I told him I had a good time at the game with him but I didn't feel anything more than friendship. I tried to be as nice as possible about it because I hate hurting people. He responded with something like "I hope you find a new job that pays more." I assumed he was trying to insinuate that I only care about money. Whatever dude...
Yes you dodged a bullet. He fits the profile of the guys on E! Investigates .... stalking or killers or something! Creeeeepy!!
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