Why do people lie on this forum?

[vpcats]

Originally Posted by FedUpInFtMyers

There are a lot of people out there (on CD and in real life) who are just "chaos makers" - - they love to create chaos wherever they are, in whatever they are doing, and with anyone who they can suck in. These types also enjoy the attention - and sympathy - of others. People like us say "Why bother?", but people like them say "Why not"? We become unsuspecting pawns in their games. We are their entertainment because they are bored, and they are our headaches because we don't have time for games. Ahhh . . . the hazards of getting messed up with people that we cannot meet in person or see on a regular basis . . .

BTW....that's going to change. Did you see the bus Qbaby got for the December Florida P A R T Y??????

[SandyCo]

Do people lie, or do they just have constant drama in their lives? A friend of mine who I used to work with was the Drama Queen (capitalized for a reason, trust me!). Every other month, it seemed that she was on the verge of divorcing her husband. Believe me, she would have had our full support if she had indeed done so! To this day, they're still married although he's now in prison serving a sentence of two years. This is in addition to him being a coke head, etc.! I got tired of listening to her two or three years ago. If your life is in so much turmoil, fix it!!! Mine was like that when I was married... and then I got divorced! I'm not saying that divorce would be a quick fix every single time, but there are situations that really do point you to the exit. It was the most difficult decision I ever had to make, but once I did it, I wondered why I hadn't done it before!

I know people choose to stay stuck in all kinds of bad situations, but especially if you have to listen to it EVERY day, it becomes tiresome. No personal growth, no change, just constant irritation. Maybe I should be more sympathetic, but I got out when things got too bad. Why can't others? Let me add that I don't know who/what Sunny is talking about; I just got back from Vegas recently, and had no Internet access over the weekend. I'm just giving my two cents about people who are apparently lying, but instead may change their minds every other minute because they're in such a dysfunctional relationship.

[dreamofmonterey]

I know people choose to stay stuck in all kinds of bad situations, but especially if you have to listen to it EVERY day, it becomes tiresome. No personal growth, no change, just constant irritation. Maybe I should be more sympathetic, but I got out when things got too bad. Why can't others?
_________________________________________________

SandyCo I agree. It is tiresome. My friend in NY is no longer my friend- why - because like you she felt she could call and rant about the loser she has been with for 5 years. Even her sisters avoid her. I guess you are right, no personal growth and these people never change...

Sometimes it helps to have no hope for people, that way you won't get disappointed!.

[Wisteria]

Guess I'll jump in. Well, being from New York (State), I'm a bit too direct and honest sometimes -- my daughter tries to keep me from being what she considers too blunt, however, I'm just telling it like it is! (We live on the westcoast now, so being very direct is not an advantage here....)

I have a hunch about which "not very honest" person this thread may refer to, as I have given a lot of feedback to that individual, myself.....only to be totally mystified at what seems to be a total reversal of actions.

But then again, there are those who here have said they have found their mates on the internet, so when they met them in person, they must have been at least similar to how they posed, initially.

Unfortunately, it is difficult to tell, although it does seem that people on here a long time, tend to be consistent. And then there are those who seem to be obvious trolls, or just so whacked out, that they eventually fall away because they don't often make sense.

I guess caution is the keyword -- however, from the many people who have said they have found friends and mates from the internet, I think it can still be a good way to initially meet someone.

[FedUpInFtMyers]

Another thought I have had on the subject is that "follow-through" on people's parts may not be very good. This is true of the Forum and in real life situations. I'm sure that there are those who really are in crisis, having problems, need to make a change, etc. and so on; however, when the time comes to make the necessary change(s), they just do not follow through with it (afraid to, feel that they can't, whatever the case may be). The other factor is some of us (I speak for myself here as well) tend to get caught up in the crossfire because we want to help and often do help (extensive emails, phone calls, etc.) in an effort to help someone make a transition when, in fact, all that we have accomplished is to make a tough situation more bearable or easier for the person who is suffering; therefore, they actually make no changes at all. Enabling. Of course, this can happen online or in real life, and it often does. Though it is my personal experience that it is easier to avoid such a situation when dealing with the person in real life. It is easier to pick up on what type of person you are considering helping when you are exposed to them on a regular basis.

In any event, maybe people aren't lying; it just turns out that these people aren't who we thought they were (they just need support to remain in a bad situation; they just need a listening ear; they aren't strong enough to make a change, etc.). Consequently, we can feel taken advantage of, betrayed, or any other range of emotional responses. It is frustrating to find this out after any investment of our time as some of us are not so casual in our dealings with others.

We share so much of ourselves on this Forum as it isn't just about cities and relocation opinions and advice. We form "bonds" with certain people in the course of regular discussion here. These factors make it extremely difficult to remain casual. That being said, even though it is online, I have still felt inner "naggings" from time to time about certain others - in spite of maybe feeling a "connection" early on - only to find out that those "naggings" were right on. Maybe we just need to step back from time to time and take a "wait and see" approach since it is afterall an online forum. I'm with Wisteria on this: Caution being the keyword here.

[Twinkle Toes]

After reading this entire thread I am as baffled as ever!!! Somebody PLEASE PM me and tell me who you are talking about! Hope it's not me!!!

[Magnolia Bloom]

I am baffled, as well. Do you mean folks who say they are one race, then another or will say that they are a doctor, but can't compose a proper sentence? Or do you mean the ones who have such terrible situations, solicit and respond positively to suggestions and say that they have made decisions and then do a 180?

[dullnboring]

Count me in amongst the Baffled Brigade. There's plenty of people who lie on here all the time about things like hereinfla stated (race, job, education, etc.). I could name at least five frequent posters who I've caught in those lies off the top of my head, but I feel like for whatever reason, this is about something more serious and aimed towards one person and I'm just as clueless as ever as to who it is.

[moonsavvy]

Weird, I guess I don't read enough here, but now I'll be looking...

[Marka]

This case is closed. Move on, please.