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This! You should only treat your woman like a queen if she treats you like a king. I think imbalance in relationships is not healthy for either party. There can be "balance" in a multitude of ways, but at the end of the day it comes down to whether both parties are happy.
Quite correct. I know, all to well, what that wildly swung scale feels like. Plus, the more the scale tips , the more the party on the recieving side wants, even demands. Its thee difference twixt symbiotic and parasitic. There is no such thing as a mutually beneficial and loving relationship with a blood sucking, dream killing , parasite. The latter thinks of nothing, but gorging itself.
Getting out of such a situation, is like vetting ride of a nasty wart. Its gonna hurt like hell, bleed a lot and leave a wound.
Still opening doors for me after twenty-five years of marriage, bringing home flowers every Friday night, telling me that I'm beautiful when I walk in the door from the gym all sweaty and gross, and getting up extra early to make me a cup of tea on Sundays, because he knows I never sleep in.
I used to be an "angry man". Very angry, very bitter. Not so much at "feminists" per se, but because of the arbitrary assumption of women always being the victim in divorce, that so many judges seem to favor. My ex ruined me in our divorce. Took everything I had and much of what I didn't as well. Decimated me, financially, took my family home, used my son as a weapon, and I am only now getting my relationship with him repaired..
I was not a nice person to be around, then. Crash and burn is an understatement, and my view of women was quite jaded, indeed. I was barely hanging on. I had nothing, no money, no prospects, just a roof , my truck and my dog. I was sliding into the pit, fast. My now, soon to be wife, just showed up, got me to take a good look at things, convinced me to come away with her. & give things a chance. She didn't care a whit that I was broke, destitute and a total wreck. And we fell in love. She showed me that not all women are bindivtive, gold digging harpys. She cared about and loved ME, not my financial and material worth.
She patched me up, helped me stand back up and gave me a new lease on life and, also, made me not afraid to fall in love again. And I did. When she was traumatized, and hurt. and she needed me, there was no question I was going to be right there with her. And I have, and always will, be. Queen? Princess? Countess? Hell..Goddess as far as I'm concerned. Nothing is to much or too good for my baby. Nothing. And I don't have a bitter, resentful or jaded bone left in my body.either.
Perhaps we are not the average couple. No. No..we are not. Nevertheless, thanks to her I harbor no negative emotions, anymore. Except for the murderous rage for her attacker. But, I have turned that into energy and motivation to benefit her. I can't even fathom, wasting time and energy worrying about "who wears the pants". And I will continue and always will , make sure, in words and deeds to make sure she knows how special she is. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her. She is the same way with me. Often , I wonder.just what it was that made God see fit to Bless me this way.
The thing is, I've seen women be vile with their ex's and constantly take them back to court for more money, every few years, they don't care, how can that man start a new family? And the criminal thing is, like you say, they use the children....Yanno, someone once told me, that in the end, people who hurt others like that get theirs...not that I wish anything bad on people, but I've known quit a bit of nasty people in my lifetime, which is probably why I am bitter at times....they ruin your trust, your whole life...if they can, and they don't care. I've watched women in the corporate world be ruthless....and ruin people's lives....I'm surely not saying all woman are like that, they are not...and you found one of them...but apparently you are a good man and had to climb the mountain first, till you reached the beautiful rainbow.
I treated the women I was with like queens, or rather princesses since they lacked the emotional maturity to qualify at a royal level above princess.
yes, but see, you chose the wrong women to be good to....and you've said it yourself, they lacked the emotional maturity, for whatever reason, but it wasn't you, and how you treated them, it was them....didn't say you failed at all....problem is, you treated women who were extremely selfish the right way and they didn't appreciate it....that kind of women, no one can please.
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And patiently waited in both situations for them to exhibit an ounce of empathy, compassion and/or reciprocate in any practical way.
It was the same way with me, with the men I chose... they were extremely selfish and not emotionally mature...
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But I knew what I was getting into from the start. I use to be a fixer. Find the most damaged, psychologically disordered, over sexed and sociopathic porn stars in training and attempted to, through unconditional love and multiple orgasms to fix the wiring in their brains.
yes, me to, and your right, it never works....and I'm very sorry, b/c I know the pain you've experienced b/c of it....after my divorce, I started dating and continued picking men who would hurt me like that...they were not emotionally mature enough to care for the hearts of others....so I stopped dating, didn't want any parts of it...ever again...and was absolutely told, that I was a good wife. It was my birthday, and he told me, it wasn't me, that I was the best wife anyone could have....he said, I never appreciated you...and there isn't anything I couldn't do if I put my mind to it. I thought he was changing, turned out he left....but wanted to come back and I wouldn't allow it....
I believe strongly that we have to break our own chains and not blame the opposite sex for our choices...there are wonderful good men out there that I passed by...wouldn't even give them a second look, and now I'm sorry....and I know why....
Yanno what bothers me the most, is...that all the things I've learned about myself....that would have helped me choose the right partner....I honestly don't believe our parents knew anything about....b/c my mother was the most naieve human being who walked the earth. My brother married a gal who literally took advantage of him, and hurt him terrible...so did my one sister....my other sister married a wonderful man....but the rest of us, were not so lucky, and I believe strongly, that there is a certain amount of this, that parents need to teach their kids....for instance....
You don't have to be a couple to be successful....and if your child is dating someone throughout high school, do not ever pressure them to get married....and so on....but our parents didn't discuss anything about relationships with us....they just opened the door and set us free.....so to speak....now my son and I used to talk about these things all the time...I feel it is a parents responsibility to teach their kids to be independent....both boys and girls...so they don't trust in some kind of fairy tale love, out there.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
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OP, I think you hit the nail on the head in your first post - it means different things to different people in different situations.
I dont personally want to be treated like a queen. Im not a ruler in my relationship, nor am I ruled. Im more of a priestess, and he is a priest. We worship each other.
rosebyanothername NVPlumber...You sound like a really amazing, kind, sensitive man who is truly in love and is not afraid to express and give that love to her.
yes, he does, he sounds very wise, doesn't he, and the love they have for each other, actually empowers both of them...they are a team, treating each other with the respect both deserve.
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cremebrulee... I love your postings and find them encouraging and helpful! I hope you find the person who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. We sound a lot alike in that I have stayed in relationships too long because I haven't felt like I deserved better.
Can't thank you enough, so nice of you to say, however, I've been alone way to long now...18 years, and love the aloneness of it all...the peace and quiet...the idea of doing things when I want, rarely miss being a couple nor do I even think about it any longer....
Wishing you the very same....don't pass up a nice person....I found the men who do treat you like a queen, are not showing their true selves, (but that was my experience) and were just simply playing me....it wasn't who they really were, but knew exactly what I needed/wanted...and also, when you start dating you don't owe them a thing other then respect...but to tell them your whole life story is none of their business until you can trust them with your heart...and know this is the person you want to explore a relationship/possible marriage with.
I don't know, but I think I'm going to get a lot of flack for what I am about to say. My deceased husband treated me like a queen. By that I mean this....flowers for no reason at all, beautiful jewlery for every occasion, booked trips to surprise me with and would say, pack your bags, I'm taking you away (without revealing where). He cherished every moment from our first date till he died in an accident, but I kept him very happy. :-)
I don't know, but I think I'm going to get a lot of flack for what I am about to say. My deceased husband treated me like a queen. By that I mean this....flowers for no reason at all, beautiful jewlery for every occasion, booked trips to surprise me with and would say, pack your bags, I'm taking you away (without revealing where). He cherished every moment from our first date till he died in an accident, but I kept him very happy. :-)
well, I think that is wonderful, he appreciated you and wanted you to know so, he was thoughtful and loving...you were very fortunate....glad you shared....and no one should give you any flack, b/c you were happy.....and he treated you with so much love and respect....sending hugs....
well, I think that is wonderful, he appreciated you and wanted you to know so, he was thoughtful and loving...you were very fortunate....glad you shared....and no one should give you any flack, b/c you were happy.....and he treated you with so much love and respect....sending hugs....
So you are her servant, and she is both king and queen of the castle. A truly beta existence. But if that is what makes you happy then okay.
You wouldn't know happy if it stared you in the face.....I'm so sorry your that miserable that you would have to knock another person down for being happy....unbelievable...and you insult him, and make it seem like he is wrong or some kind of slave, obviously, you don't have a clue....and I feel sorry for you, that you find it so necessary to come into a thread and try to demean a relationship b/c your bitter....and refuse to allow others happiness.
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