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I recently began dating again. I am seeing a very bright woman. When we are together we have great times but frequently she makes comments which are designed to prompt me to say something or agree with her on an issue. Though I find her attractive she presses me to comment on her looks. She also tries to control activities and seems pressed or under pressure to get things done and I am just there as an activity. That is different from a friend who cares about me as an individual something I find easy to do for her.
I have had relationships where a woman tries to make the man fit into the spot she has defined and found that I am unhappy as being liked is the first step not fitting her expectations.
She keeps me at arms length in the rest of her life and I am growing weary of this as well. I go back and forth but when we do activities they are really great times.
Perhaps she's just meant to be a friend and nothing more.
Have you tried talking to her about how you feel?
I have considered talking to her as she makes comments about coming to my place and sexual references about being with me. To go "there" I would have to know that she is liking me. At this point honestly after we are together I feel a little "used" not every time but some times. I don't think she means to but she is very independent and that is just her style.
I have considered talking to her as she makes comments about coming to my place and sexual references about being with me. To go "there" I would have to know that she is liking me. At this point honestly after we are together I feel a little "used" not every time but some times. I don't think she means to but she is very independent and that is just her style.
Too many people buy into "that's just their way". Well, that doesn't mean you have to accept her behavior towards you. You are allowing her to make you feel "used".
BTW, being an independent woman has nothing to do with being an arrogant puppet-master. Sounds like you have somewhat of a "diva" on your hands.
I have considered talking to her as she makes comments about coming to my place and sexual references about being with me. To go "there" I would have to know that she is liking me. At this point honestly after we are together I feel a little "used" not every time but some times. I don't think she means to but she is very independent and that is just her style.
She is using you - don't you find it curious that you are kept away from her day-to-day life. I'll bet she only sees you when it's a one on one meeting, not with her "other" friends. If she was your real friend, she would include you in other activities, show interest in you, call you up on a whim. Does she do any of those things? If not, I'd have a talk with her and see what she says - though, I'll also bet she will be stand offish and evade the questions.
Go with your gut - if you don't like her behavior towards you, find someone else to date.
Too many people buy into "that's just their way". Well, that doesn't mean you have to accept her behavior towards you. You are allowing her to make you feel "used".
BTW, being an independent woman has nothing to do with being an arrogant puppet-master. Sounds like you have somewhat of a "diva" on your hands.
I REALLY appreciate your responses. As a man it's hard to talk with other guys about it.
She does seem to want a lot of attention. You know when someone just likes you? Though she does it seems to be a a diversion to her own life which presses her to keep herself focused. She sees me as an escape from that busy life she tells me and that is not a good feeling for me as I am wanting a relationship to be primary in my life at this time.
If you're looking to be in a long term relationship shouldn't things be a little more copasetic (sp?)? I'm not saying every relationship is going to be perfect, that's for sure. They all take work....also make sure you're not being hyper-sensitive to things. But on the same note, no one should be controlled by another.
I REALLY appreciate your responses. As a man it's hard to talk with other guys about it.
She does seem to want a lot of attention. You know when someone just likes you? Though she does it seems to be a a diversion to her own life which presses her to keep herself focused. She sees me as an escape from that busy life she tells me and that is not a good feeling for me as I am wanting a relationship to be primary in my life at this time.
I'm assuming that for some reason you've been out of the dating game for a while? Remember that "dating" is all about finding out about someone else and how they fit into your world and how you fit into theirs. If you've only been going out with her for a short while, it's good that you're noticing these things that don't sit well with you but, since you otherwise enjoy her company and the things you do together, just take it one day at a time and see what else comes up as time goes by.
When she presses you to comment on her looks, avoid that by telling her when you see her, "You look nice today", or "I like that color on you", etc,. Something simple. If she really does press you, ask her why she's doing that. Maybe you're not very quick to compliment or maybe she's very insecure!
As far as her "controlling" dating activities, does she make the plans or are these events which you both enjoy normally? Maybe you've forgotten how to take the initiative where dating activities are concerned?
I'm assuming that for some reason you've been out of the dating game for a while? Remember that "dating" is all about finding out about someone else and how they fit into your world and how you fit into theirs. If you've only been going out with her for a short while, it's good that you're noticing these things that don't sit well with you but, since you otherwise enjoy her company and the things you do together, just take it one day at a time and see what else comes up as time goes by.
When she presses you to comment on her looks, avoid that by telling her when you see her, "You look nice today", or "I like that color on you", etc,. Something simple. If she really does press you, ask her why she's doing that. Maybe you're not very quick to compliment or maybe she's very insecure!
As far as her "controlling" dating activities, does she make the plans or are these events which you both enjoy normally? Maybe you've forgotten how to take the initiative where dating activities are concerned?
Just random thoughts. Cheers!
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- drop her!
