What to do... (dates, women, gay, older)

[kevin15776]

I don't know what to do. I met this bartender over a year ago when I showed up at the club she works at to meet someone for salsa lessons. Well, the instructor never showed up so I sat at the bar and talked to this bartender (let's call her Jane). She's very cute and there's something about her that I admire--maybe it's her ability to chat with total strangers, but I guess that comes with being a bartender. Anyway, I kept coming and we kept chatting. Eventually I told her about my cross-dressing and she didn't seem to mind at all. I showed up at the club as a girl quite a few times and she's always been very cool. Last October we finally met up outside the club for her 29th birthday and had a good time surrounded by her close friends and a few co-workers. Well we decided to hang out today and we started off with a few beers at a local bar and ended up at a club her friends are familiar with. She seemed to be all over me--I don't know if it was the booze or just her natural friendliness--she told me physical contact amongst friends was no big deal where she's from so I read it that way, but she kept putting her hand around me, putting her head against my chest and leaning her whole body against mine. We started talking about relationships and she told me she's looking for "the one" and that if it happened to me then we would "feel it". She had no problem when I touched her waist and she even put her legs up over my shoulder when I "got low". =)

I've never been in a relationship and I'm absolutely terrible at reading signals. If you like me you need to tell me otherwise I just won't see it. Plus, as a cross-dresser I know most women are either turned off by me or write me off as gay or "potentially gay"--the gay friend, which is not where I want to be. I'm straight and want a meaningful relationship with someone who accepts the more feminine side of me. Was she all over me because she thought I was gay (though I've told her I'm not), because she was drunk, because she likes me, or just because she's naturally very physical? How do I read this one? I don't want to lose her friendship, which is another problem I run across when I get feelings for someone who knows about and accepts my "other side".

[Thursday007]

All you have to do is ask, then you'll know. If she says No just say "That's cool" to save your friendship.

[Eresh]

Originally Posted by kevin15776

She seemed to be all over me--I don't know if it was the booze or just her natural friendliness--she told me physical contact amongst friends was no big deal where she's from so I read it that way, but she kept putting her hand around me, putting her head against my chest and leaning her whole body against mine. We started talking about relationships and she told me she's looking for "the one" and that if it happened to me then we would "feel it".

I may be way, way off here, but I think your first instinct was likely the correct one. She was trying to gently out you in the "let's just be friends" category. And then with more alcohol came more 'friendliness'. I think the part about "the one" and you two would "feel it" if it happened may have been a way of saying she wasn't feeling it.

[STT Resident]

Don't overanalyze this to death and try to reach conclusions after just one "date". If you enjoy her company then see her from time to time and see if this relationship shows any signs of turning into something more - but you can't be looking for any "signs" so early on!

As far as the cross dressing is concerned this of course will be a turn off to many prospective dates particularly since you're not keeping it private but are taking it into the public arena. As you get older (I'm guessing you're quite young) you may come to realize that some things are best kept within the confines of your home. Being a cross dresser quite openly may not sit well with potential employers or mates. That's something you're going to have to decide for yourself.

But that doesn't mean that where relationships are concerned there aren't some women out there who can deal with it for now but don't go reading too much into anything at this stage of the game where this one is concerned. All the best to you!

[professorsenator]

Originally Posted by Thursday007

All you have to do is ask, then you'll know. If she says No just say "That's cool" to save your friendship.

I agree with this. Jane sounds like a good friend and socializing with her and her buddies sounds like a good outlet for you.

But before you ask her anything, have you compared her physical contact with you vis a vis others? Jane claims that physical contact amongst friends is her way of being with her friends. Look for cues in how she is physically with other chums: does she do the same things to you that she does to other male friends? Or is she especially touchy-feely with you?

[desertsun41]

You are doing what most guys do. Read into some physical contact as "she wants me, she likes me". I like women who make a lot of physical contact on the neutral contact points such as the shoulder, arm and hands. The art of touch is a wonderful thing, it is instinctive rather then learned I feel. I have learned to not take that contact as a sexual thing. It also gives me permission to do the same back to her. But never cross that line until she makes the first move.

Based on what you said she is a good friend despite your unusual activities that I will never understand. This is a good thing because she accepts you for who and what you are. Just keep on growing the friendship. Whatever nature intends will happen whether you want it to or not.