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I think that being a nice guy and a so called "niceguy" are two entirely different things. Being kind and gentle is a good thing while always adapting after others and projecting "needyness" on whoever you are intrested in is a way to failure...
I used to be the guy who let himself get stepped on, but that changed right about the same time as I got myself this nickname on the forum.
I think it all comes down to reading peoples mindset towards you, if I notice someone is being rude, I put my foot down make it clear I'm not going to take his crap(it is usually a he) while if the person is being well mannered and nice towards me, why not be nice back?
In a relationship I think it's still a game being played... if you just bow down to the other parts will all the time s/he is gonna do one of the following:
-Lose interest and leave
-Cheat
-Run you over
Adapting when it's called for s a whole other matter...
What I always find amusing is women who say they want to meet a nice guy, but then complain about how boring nice guys are. I know, I know. What they really want is something who's somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. Not a total pushover, spineless stereotypical nice guy, but not an unreliable, lying cheating bad boy either.
There is a world of difference between being kind and being nice.
"Nice" people are either aimlessly wandering around or have their own agenda going on, plus they often carry a "you owe me XYZ because I'm a nice person" mentality on their shoulders. Whenever a guy refers to himself as "nice," I shut down because it's almost as if he is trying to prove something.
People who are kind have their actions speak for them.
I once was the nice guy always placating. and like mango said, I had the mentality that relationships were owed to me because I was nice and then I'd get upset for not being in a relationship. I was run over and cheated on. Then came my divorce.
Enter what became the A$$ hole version of myself. I used women and blamed everyone else but myself for my failings as a "nice guy" and then as the "cocky jerk" Then I got a clue.
After a long while of introspection I realized my part in the screwing up of my relationships. Now, while I'm not a pushover, I'm also not a cocky jerk. I will stand up for my beliefs and actually make a move when it comes to women. However, I'm no longer into using women for only one thing and blaming them for my failings.
I believe now I'm where Denny said he believes what women want, a guy in the middle of the exremes. I've now been dating a wonderful woman for about 6 weeks and things are going quite well.
So remember everyone, pay attention moreso to your own faults and that which you can change rather than demanding everyone around you change to suit you.
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