Need Advice About Son's Calling . . . (churches, bible, quote, faith)
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Hi, my son has been a devout Christian for 2 years or so. He reads the Bible everyday, and has morals and convictions that are very strong.
I have seen him change from a "regular self-absorded" typical teenager, into an unselfish young adult.
He is active in Church, and is starting ministries to help the poor in our County, and he has, with his allowance money, is sponsoring a child.
The situation: He is gifted and has a high I.Q. Math and Science come easy for him. He has always wanted to be a Landscape Architect. Since he was 7 he designed gardens and is also an artist and has drawn out plans.
Since then, he has studied horticulture and knows every type of tree and plant, etc. He has grown orchids and very successful vegetable gardens.
He designed a backyard deck with plantings and a pond for his Grandparents on the computer.
The problem: He feels he is being called to be a Youth Pastor and wants my support. Of course, it warmed my heart to know that he is walking this walk, especially as a teen. Of course, I know that this too, can change, but he is extremely mature for his age.
I am the problem. We have always struggled financially. My dream for him was to have a career where he would earn over $40,000 to say the least, and be able to pay his bills and support a family.
Youth Pastor's salary start in the high 20's and peak out in the $40's.
I feel so ashamed at myself and Unchristian about my feelings, which are torn. I am filled with pride at his decision, and filled with anxiety, as we have no money to help him through any rough times he may have.
He had always wanted to have a nice home, a nice car, and now he says he realizes that if he can lead youth to Christ, he would be happy to live in a trailer as long as he is serving Christ.
He has asked his friends, me, his youth pastor to pray for him that God should speak to him with conviction that this is what he is being divinely called to do.
What do I do? Print out job postings and salaries comparing a Landscape Architect to a Youth Pastor, and encouraging him to get a dual degree, or a degree in something he loves that will earn him a better income, and do Youth Pastoring part time.
He feels shocked that I call myself a Christian and that I am worrying about money . . . .
Please, parents especially, help me, I know in my heart I should be overjoyed and be leading him to this calling, but as I sit looking at a pile of bills and being behind with the mortgage, I can't help but be fearful as well.
Son says, God doesn't give us a spirit of fear . . . . any thoughts or comments . . . and please, be easy on me,
One last note, my husband, who is agnostic, is very disappointed that his son has so much intelligence and is gifted in math and science, and I guess he just wanted him to use these gifts . . . My husband kills himself to support us and wanted his son to have an easier life than the one he has.
The problem: He feels he is being called to be a Youth Pastor and wants my support. Of course, it warmed my heart to know that he is walking this walk, especially as a teen. Of course, I know that this too, can change, but he is extremely mature for his age.
He sounds like a fine young man. While having a calling is a noble endeavor, he sounds like he is still too young in the ways of the world to know his true calling and what God has in store for his future.
Children often don't look at the big picture and the long range consequences of their choices and actions. If they did then they wouldn't be children.
But the heart of the matter is this:
If you encourage him then you may be the one responsible for giving him the green light, especially since you are such an important and influential part of his young life.
Whereas, if you discourage him and try to be as honest as possible and explain the reasons why, then if God is truely calling him, He will find a way to lead your son on the chosen path.
Also, you don't want to oppose your husband based simply on your emotional support for your son.
I get the impression that this is more than just about the money for both you and your husband, since your son is so gifted in math and science. It often involves a lot more class work and determination to develop a secular, academic career.
Also, everyone needs to have more than one goal, one is primary and the other is a secondary or back up plan.
Sometimes it takes a firm parental stance to convince a child what's in their best interest, and if they're stubborn you have to use all of the weapons of persuasion in your arsenal. God has weapons much greater than yours if your son's calling is for real.
Parents really need to be like alarms for their offspring. They are so idealistic and ignorant of reality, that the potential for them to make a costly mistake is enormous.
Some parents feel that the child should be allowed to make a mistake, and that it's part of the learning process of growing up. But other parents will take a more direct role to protect their child's best interest, to stop them from making what they truely consider to be an error.
Sometimes it involves decisions over which school courses to take, or which trips or events to allow them to attend. When a parent has a gut feeling, they need to act on it as a matter of prevention, protection and principle. It's instinct.
While future income may be part of it, it's really more about parental love and how a child needs to learn how to understand reality. Religion can be a part of everyone's life, obviously some more than others. But a person can work for God through their secular career too. Just look at medical doctors or teachers and see how they perform God's work.
As a parent, it's better to defend the logic of reality when the child makes choices based on their emotions. While any vocational or educational choice a child makes is subject to change, it's unusual for a child to not want to develop the strongest academic talents that they have, and let those with the most suitable talents answer the religious calling.
You'll never be disappointed for being honest with your son, and for maintaining a united front along with your husband, since you only want him to be a happy adult. And if you're wrong about his calling, then if he becomes a Youth Pastor he will forgive both of you.
This really warmed my heart to read about what a wonderful young man you have helped to raise!
I don't want to sound preachy here, so please don't take it that way. This is just my initial feeling from reading what you have written.
I firmly believe that there is no greater joy (or job) in this life than serving the Lord. Who knows.....maybe his skills in landscape architecture will be used in whatever ministry the Lord leads him into.
I grew up as a missionary kid. We never had much $$ really, but I felt that my life was so rich beyond measure. I have an experience that money cannot replace. I have been able to watch my parents put the Lord first in their lives and live as an example to many. We lived poor by the world's standards. My father is a surgeon. Money didn't matter to him.
Our treasure is in heaven and if the Lord is calling him to minister, then he should minister!
I know it is difficult as a parent to not be able to make the decsion, but look at what he is asking, "Mom, I want to serve Jesus Christ will all of my talents, resources, money and with all of my being. Will you support me?" WHAT COULD BE GREATER?
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth... 3 John 1:4
Ignoring a calling is never a wise idea. How old is your son? Does he still have some time to decide before committing? If so can he be an assistant YP to grasp a better understanding? I'm certain that the current YP of his church would happily mentor your son and in exchange have someone helping him/her.
Let your son make the decision that fits him best. What could be worse than ignoring a calling and then having to live with it?
Just my two cents...alot of people have split careers, and alot of churches have no problems with the youth pastor or pastor having a full time job outside of the duties at the church. From the financial aspect, he could be making two paychecks, while gettin paid to do what he truly feels called to do. And if later on down the road, he feels that God leads him in a different direction, he will have the education to back it up with. Not in the bible but a true saying imho ...when got closes a door...he opens a window
You don't mention how old he is or whether or not he has finished college (maybe you did and I missed it)
However, if he has prepared himself to support himself, then that's it. You really don't have any say in it. It's not your place to decide where his real talent lies.
Money isn't everything. Personal worth and integrity is important too. If he doesn't at least try this, he will never feel as if he has done what he needs to do. He's young enough to still make a change if he finds that this path doesn't suit. He's the one that has to lead his life, not his parents, no matter how disappointed they may be.
He is gifted and has a high I.Q. Please, parents especially, help me, I know in my heart I should be overjoyed and be leading him to this calling, but as I sit looking at a pile of bills and being behind with the mortgage, I can't help but be fearful as well.
First off, I may not be a "believer," but I am a parent!
That being said, I think you have both time and options on your side! (I am assuming that your son is still in high school.) I can empathize with the ambivalence that seems to so clearly come through in what you have said. I would imagine, (on the one hand) that you want to emotionally endorse and support your son's decision to be a youth minister, yet at the same time, as his mother, you are naturally aware of the "larger picture" in life: his intelligence, artistic gifts, math and science abilities, as well as wanting to see him be able to secure a sound financial future for himself.
I think when they are young, AND exceptionally intelligent, things can often change very quickly. Sometimes what they think they want at 17 is completely different by the time they hit their mid-20's! I think the best thing you can do is to discuss honestly with him where you, as his mother, are coming from. You have valid concerns, and having those concerns (in my opinion) in no way detracts from your faith and beliefs! --Either in your son, or in terms of your faith/religion. Your son has options:
He sounds like he is more than bright enough to get into a good school. If that presents a problem financially, trust me, there are ways! (My son is entering his last year of college, and believe me, I am not exactly well-off!) PM me if you would like to; you can stategize ways in which obtaining/paying for an education becomes possible. As well, could your son envision himself involved in some form of college campus youth ministry? --Because that strikes me as being just one option by means of his "exploring" the "best of both worlds." It would give him the opportunity to engage with other like-minded kids who also feel called to youth ministry, and he might very well flourish and thrive in an involvement like that. At the same time, it would provide him with the opportunity to look at (and experience) all of his options: involvement in youth/college campus ministry along with classes in those areas of academic interest that he might enjoy pursuing. There are many students involved in youth ministry where my son goes to school. --And the campus ministries of these colleges and universities truly embrace these kids and help guide them.
To be honest, one of the things that struck me the most in what you wrote was your son's gift in terms of landscaping, architecture, and design. --Because even as a non-believer, I sat here thinking: "And what better way to convey and deliver the beauty of his faith/belief in god than to create something of beauty for others to experience?" (But maybe it's just me...) I have no doubt that there are ways in which one can be employed professionally in a field that is fulfilling, and at the same time, minister to the young kids in this world who so desperately need it.
First off, I may not be a "believer," but I am a parent!
That being said, I think you have both time and options on your side! (I am assuming that your son is still in high school.) I can empathize with the ambivalence that seems to so clearly come through in what you have said. I would imagine, (on the one hand) that you want to emotionally endorse and support your son's decision to be a youth minister, yet at the same time, as his mother, you are naturally aware of the "larger picture" in life: his intelligence, artistic gifts, math and science abilities, as well as wanting to see him be able to secure a sound financial future for himself.
I think when they are young, AND exceptionally intelligent, things can often change very quickly. Sometimes what they think they want at 17 is completely different by the time they hit their mid-20's! I think the best thing you can do is to discuss honestly with him where you, as his mother, are coming from. You have valid concerns, and having those concerns (in my opinion) in no way detracts from your faith and beliefs! --Either in your son, or in terms of your faith/religion. Your son has options:
He sounds like he is more than bright enough to get into a good school. If that presents a problem financially, trust me, there are ways! (My son is entering his last year of college, and believe me, I am not exactly well-off!) PM me if you would like to; you can stategize ways in which obtaining/paying for an education becomes possible. As well, could your son envision himself involved in some form of college campus youth ministry? --Because that strikes me as being just one option by means of his "exploring" the "best of both worlds." It would give him the opportunity to engage with other like-minded kids who also feel called to youth ministry, and he might very well flourish and thrive in an involvement like that. At the same time, it would provide him with the opportunity to look at (and experience) all of his options: involvement in youth/college campus ministry along with classes in those areas of academic interest that he might enjoy pursuing. There are many students involved in youth ministry where my son goes to school. --And the campus ministries of these colleges and universities truly embrace these kids and help guide them.
To be honest, one of the things that struck me the most in what you wrote was your son's gift in terms of landscaping, architecture, and design. --Because even as a non-believer, I sat here thinking: "And what better way to convey and deliver the beauty of his faith/belief in god than to create something of beauty for others to experience?" (But maybe it's just me...) I have no doubt that there are ways in which one can be employed professionally in a field that is fulfilling, and at the same time, minister to the young kids in this world who so desperately need it.
It is possible...
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to june 7th again.
Yes, so much depends on how old he is. If he isn't in college yet, it's time to start looking around to see what sort of scholorship money might be available for him in some sort of landscaping/design field. Given a chance to study it seriously might change his viewpoint a little.
You mentioned that he is shocked that you worry about money.....perhaps you have been a little heavy with this and he misunderstands your viewpoint. He may even feel that you are hoping that he earns a bundle so that he can help you out.
Try to convince him that with a regular career and training, he will be able to afford to serve a smaller church that would not otherwise be able to have a youth minister. Not all churches have large numbers of children and teens. They could use a youth minister, but not bad enough to hire one.
My church is small and has been in that situation. We found someone that sold real estate or something, and had enough time to do the little that we needed. There is no way that we could have funded a full time leader even if we had needed one.
Because of what Padgett just wrote above, I would not discourage him in what may be a calling from the Lord. As parents, we do tend to want to protect our children and steer them in the right direction. Generally, though, I think they need to follow the path they feel called to do. My own son, at age 16, had in my opinion, kind of an unrealistic career path selected. He did though, agree to get an education in music, however. So I was ok with that.
That would be the point where I would tend to try to steer the child. I would encourage them to get some type of degree no matter what they ended up doing. Then they can follow whatever path they feel they are called to, but they do have an education behind them. Just my two cents.
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