Aristotle's view on friendships.... (church, quote, Lord, cross)

[the city]

I have been reading an article on friendships and it's rather intriquing. I am going into sociology, and myself I have made alot of bad friendships down the road. And I am trying to make more friendships at the moment. It talks about that good friendships are ones where you can offer love and compassion for the other friend. And friends for just hanging out and friends for use are bad friends. So how does one make a friendship based on emotional support? Does it happen at the first moment? And I realize there is also the case of personalities too.

[Wallisdj]

The subject of friendship is one that I have internalize, meaning that I have thought about it a lot in the past nearly 60 years.

To date, I have no friends.

Let me clarify this. In my "wierd" world, I have redefined "friend" to be a close intimate on an emotional and/or spiritual plane. I had one friend. He and I, born into two very different worlds, could reach out and "touch" one another on an intellectual plane, a spiritual plane, and an emotional plane. There was no one like him before I met him, and there most likely be no one like him in the future. I helped his wife bury him several years ago.

Friendship, to me, is within a circle closest to my being. The next outer circle contains those people who I have a lot of trust in. Outside of that circle are only acquaintenances.

How to make a friend or become a friend.

I feel that in today's hip-hop culture (an old word to describe something "new"--ha ha), friendship is a word that is loosely used. Much more, its meaning has been diluted to something like a handshake and a once-in-a-while get-together.

Becoming a friend, in my opinion, means that I have to be open. I have to cross the line 51% and a) want to give of myself to another person and b) be willing to accept the other person no matter what kind of person he/she happens to be.

When I collaborated with a "friend," as he is in the second circle, to write his story in Vietnam, I lived in the man's head for four-and-a-half years. Although he will never be in the first (closest) circle, I regard him as a brother and will do my damndest to protect him. He, on the other hand, because of his physical and psychological disabilities, vacillates between calling me a 'friend' and a 'brother' and even just 'some guy I know.'

[kaamd53]

I have recently relocated cross-country. I am retired, but not so ready to completely shut myself down. With not being employed I find it hard to find new friends. It's been a year now, and I'm missing companionship so much that I find myself reaching out on websites such as this. Moving seemed a great adventure at the time, but now I'm missing old friendships back home! How does one make new friends?

[the city]

Originally Posted by kaamd53

I have recently relocated cross-country. I am retired, but not so ready to completely shut myself down. With not being employed I find it hard to find new friends. It's been a year now, and I'm missing companionship so much that I find myself reaching out on websites such as this. Moving seemed a great adventure at the time, but now I'm missing old friendships back home! How does one make new friends?

Church, work, school, bars, social events or social places like elks club or a place that helps people, talking to neighbors, etc...

[Wallisdj]

You have, more or less, hit upon a very important question.

For me, it is a question of "Do I want to have a friend?" (as outlined in my previous post), or am I comfortable in having a number of acquaintances that I can hang around with every now and then?

Growing up, I had no real friends. I went to a small school, so I had a couple of acquaintances I hung around with. I learned very early on that most school chums did not really understand the meaning of friendship: that takes experience and maturity.

Throughout college and the military, I had a lot of good acquaintances, but I have not kept up with anyone since then.

In my current location, I am content to be on very good speaking terms with my fellow faculty, my students, several expats and Filipinos I played with and against on the billiard table, and business people where I frequents. My two immediate neighbors, on the other hand, even though they happen to be British, are very offstandish. I find neighbors to be the most uncaring, self-centered people in the universe.

There is the old adage that warns us to watch our "six," or back. I don't mind being open and a good ear to other people. But it takes a great deal of time and trust before I can feel comfortable with the degree I want to be open with other people. Not that I am a secretive person; I'm an open book. Sometimes too open (ha ha).

Each of us are going to be different, of course. I just happen to be comfortable being surrounded by a few good friends and being alone doing my thing is A-okay with me. Other people have to have a crowd around them to feel comfortable. The psychological benefits of either extreme and everything in-between is something that each of us has to figure out and be comfortable with.

[ABQConvict]

The word 'friend' has always been tossed around a bit cheaply, but now more than ever what with the internet's redefinition of the term.

In medieval England, a friend was almost like a family member and one would address a friend as leof, (love, in the fraternal sense). When The Lord of the Rings first came out a lot of people made the assumption that two of the main characters, a pair of men, were homosexual because they addressed one another as 'love', but Tolkien was just presenting them in light of the medieval English social norm.

Today, 'friend' often refers to someone who barely qualifies as an acquaintance. True friends are called 'BFF's. :-)