Who or what is the "true self" and is there such a thing (belief, religion)

[LoveWisdom]

I heard people refer to "true self". So who we are is not a true self, but we have a true self. So I am wondering what they mean by "true self"?

A self is - a combination of programs (DNA) which instruct you how to respond to the environment. In each person, this set a programs may be a bit different since different kids respond to the environment in different ways.

But, as a self, you LEARN responses. I mean after you have a bad experience, you start to respond differently to the environment. You develop a fear and your response is limited by fear or defined by fear. So for example, you had a bad relationship, so you've developed a fear of commitments. So your future relationships will have a problem because of this fear.

So, your set of programs/responses has changed after your experience. It's like you've written a new program into yourself, the fear-based response to relationships environment.

So the question is: is your true self the self which responded to the environment BEFORE you had a bad experience? Or after you had a bad experience?

Most people would say before. And it's because when someone says "true self" they usually mean "a good self". And that usually means: a self which is not marked by bad experiences and therefore responds negatively to the environment.

Or take a loving child. And he is being raised in an abusive environment. And he develops responses. And some children become abusive themselves. So, is the true self in this case a child as he was before he was abused? Because after he was abused, his self has written/created abusive responses to the environment. So he became a "bad" person now. So, that means if his true self is good, that means that his true self is one before bad abusive experiences.


So I guess people are saying that true self is how you function when you're in a good environment?

I would say that true self then is a bad label. We should say: this is my SELF in a good environment and this is my SELF in a bad environment.

I mean if you place your set of programs in a bad environment and it starts to write bad responses, does it really become not your true self anymore? Or is it merely a SELF under different circumstances?

[LoveWisdom]

People also keep saying something like: you are bad, but your spirit is good.

I kept trying to imagine how that could be. The only thing I came up with was: this part of your Higher Self is bad (because of being in a bad environment) and the other parts of your Higher Self are good (because of being in a good environment). And so because most of your parts are good (hopefully) then your overall Higher Self is good and therefore one could say that your spirit is good (which would mean your Higher Self).

But after talking to someone (from the spirit realm, I think), they say that your set of programs (your self) is responding differently to the environment in the spirit environment. And so the responses are "good" now. So the set of programs within the person did not change when they crossed over. But the environment maybe doesn't trigger bad responses anymore?

Maybe abusive people are abusive here because they feel they need control or they need to feel better about themselves and so they have to bring others down in order to lift themselves us? And maybe in the spirit realm they realize that no one is looking down on them and so they don't need to respond in an abusive way?

It's like they say: be with a person who brings out the best in you. I guess that means: who triggers good positive responses to the environment in you. So maybe sometimes people "change" for better simply because their environment changed for better and is not triggering bad responses anymore?

So maybe that's why the spirit is considered good because the spirit realm is a good environment and won't trigger bad responses?

[LoveWisdom]

Your "bad" traits are a part of what makes you the way you are. If you take out the bad traits, you will be different (and not necessary in a good way).

So in order to be the best you can be, you have to keep your bad traits. BUT, if you're placed in a good environment, your bad traits just won't be triggered anymore and so will stay as part of you, but won't make you act in a bad way. So therefore, you can still be your self, the way you are, but act good.

For example, what is one bad trait that people don't like? Well, when people say: "you are too stubborn", they usually mean it as a bad trait.

Because what causes stubbornness? Someone who can make decisions (in contrast, there are people who can never make up their mind). Someone who has the guts to stand up for his belief even if he faces opposition (in contrast, some people change their mind because they are too afraid).

So can you see how a person would be a different kind if he didn't have stubbornness?

Some women say they want a sensitive man. But when they meet him, they are disappointed in him. Because he is "too soft".

Some women want their men to be open and talk about their feelings. But when they meet such a man, he is more like a woman and they don't like it.

Some women don't want the "strong and silent" type because they need someone to communicate with. But when they meet someone who talks a lot, they don't like it.

So it's like they are looking for a combination. These "bad" qualities are needed in order to make a man that they really want.

But some of these qualities that make a man strong (and therefore desirable to women) could also make him annoying when those qualities are in your way, not allowing you to do what you want.

So a focused man could become a workaholic and ignore his wife. (But would be a very good provider, make money - which is what women want).

A protective man could give his wife too much instruction about how to be careful, which could be really annoying. Or could not allow his wife to talk to some people he considers a threat. (and yet women want a protective man)

Women like someone who can be aggressive, can fight (which makes them feel protected and safe). But when he fights with them or shows any kind of violence, they don't like it.

Women love a charming man. But when he charms others (because he can't help it, because he is a charmer), they don't like it.

Women like a confident men. But when he starts to arguing with them and not willing for them to do something he considers a bad thing, they don't like it.

People like a smart person. But that would mean that his social skills may suffer, he may be insufferable person.

So we WANT those "bad" traits in people. We need them. It's just that people need to learn to control their traits and direct them in the right way, and find balance. For example, a protective man needs to learn to "let go" WHEN NECESSARY instead of just being in "protective" mode 24 hours.
An aggressive man needs to learn to switch to comforting mode when necessary.
A strong and silent type needs to learn to communicate WHEN NECESSARY.

So it's all about a balance.

So many of this desirable and wanted traits are just looking bad because people don't know how to use them correctly and when to turn them off and when to turn them on.

[granpa]