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My heart is heavy. Why do I feel I can save the world, when my own little corner suffers so?
I went to visit my ex-husband yesterday (5 hours away). I man I loved and lived with for nearly 30 years, but whom I did not have a good relationship with. We were young, he was abusive, no drugs or alcohol. We separated 3 years ago.
He just seems a shell of a man. Remorseful, doesn't care about living. He works two low paying jobs, had no electricity, water or internet until I turned them on. Bills being sent to me so I pay, so I know he has what he needs as the weather turns cold. Am going to send him care packages of food, toiletries and clothes.
I can't give up on him and I won't. But I see a pattern, which in the end will destroy me. Once, in a foreign city, with one hour to go before my flight, a homeless person asked me for a dollar for a cup of coffee. I walked him into a fast food restaurant, bought him dinner and coffee, and gave him the change from my last $20.
I rescue animals. I donate to worthy causes. I sit paycheck to paycheck, and live like a minimalist. Why? My heart pours out to people who need.
You may say the homeless person would take my money and buy alcohol. I say it took a hell of a lot of hardship and humility to get that man to even ask me for that dollar. And if he buys alcohol with that change? I hope he at least has a full belly before going down that road and trying to drink himself into a peaceful oblivion.
I'm destroying myself by trying to save the world. I hurt, I weep, I stay awake at night worrying about loved ones and total strangers. I wait for a God to help, or at least to send me angels to lessen the burden, but I get no answers. I wait for others to help, but there are so many needy, and so few who feel their pain.
My heart is heavy. Why do I feel I can save the world, when my own little corner suffers so?
I went to visit my ex-husband yesterday (5 hours away). I man I loved and lived with for nearly 30 years, but whom I did not have a good relationship with. We were young, he was abusive, no drugs or alcohol. We separated 3 years ago.
He just seems a shell of a man. Remorseful, doesn't care about living. He works two low paying jobs, had no electricity, water or internet until I turned them on. Bills being sent to me so I pay, so I know he has what he needs as the weather turns cold. Am going to send him care packages of food, toiletries and clothes.
I can't give up on him and I won't. But I see a pattern, which in the end will destroy me. Once, in a foreign city, with one hour to go before my flight, a homeless person asked me for a dollar for a cup of coffee. I walked him into a fast food restaurant, bought him dinner and coffee, and gave him the change from my last $20.
I rescue animals. I donate to worthy causes. I sit paycheck to paycheck, and live like a minimalist. Why? My heart pours out to people who need.
You may say the homeless person would take my money and buy alcohol. I say it took a hell of a lot of hardship and humility to get that man to even ask me for that dollar. And if he buys alcohol with that change? I hope he at least has a full belly before going down that road and trying to drink himself into a peaceful oblivion.
I'm destroying myself by trying to save the world. I hurt, I weep, I stay awake at night worrying about loved ones and total strangers. I wait for a God to help, or at least to send me angels to lessen the burden, but I get no answers. I wait for others to help, but there are so many needy, and so few who feel their pain.
How can I find peace?
Hi,
You sound very stressed out and possibly suffering from depression.
Have you always felt this way or is it something relatively new? Depression will often magnify a problem one hundred fold. It is natural to be anxious of our loved ones' welfare, especially if there is a problem.
I think most normal people will feel empathy when they hear of, or see, some sad or tragic event that has happened to strangers. Be it in the same neighbourhood, the same country or even across the world. But, as they are unknown to us, it is usually impossible to feel the way we would if it were family or friends.
We, none of us, can take the weight of the world on our shoulders and it's best not to even try. We can, though, try to make small differences every day, if the chance occurs. Little, seemingly insignificant acts can often make someone's day, even a smile.
By all means continue with your prayers to God. He hears them though it may not seem like that, sometimes. But I would also suggest a visit to your Doctor to see if there is some help (which I am sure there is) for your anxious and low spirits, which I think is at the heart of your problem.
But I see a pattern, which in the end will destroy me....
I'm destroying myself by trying to save the world. I hurt, I weep, I stay awake at night worrying about loved ones and total strangers. I wait for a God to help, or at least to send me angels to lessen the burden, but I get no answers. I wait for others to help, but there are so many needy, and so few who feel their pain.
How can I find peace?
Too much of a good thing? Maybe, but I wish we could inject a proper dose of what you have into all humanity, then the world would be saved.
I believe you are manifesting a major facet of God's nature but don't have the ability to carry the weight (responsibility) for what you feel needs to be done. I think the above poster is correct that it's leading to depression, so do look into that.
All else I can say is try and awaken the conscience's of others and try and find some like-minded people in your area who can share the load. If not - we may need to clone you. . Another thing is to realize that God will Himself comfort and recompense all who mourn, ALL - and will wipe the tears from all eyes.
I have a friend like you and understand it's not an easy thing. I go through phases where I'll stay up all night thinking of sick/dying children ect. but I eventually have to harden my heart a bit to keep it from physically destroying me. Personally, I'd RATHER be destroyed than have a calloused, uncaring heart. It's quite the balancing act, no?
BTW - How did you do in the hurricane? Must have been rough. Is that where your screen name came from?
not really, firstborn, but it became appropriate! We did fine, thanks so much. Eye of the storm is where you can take a break - for a short few minutes - and find peace before turmoil again.
Thank you all for caring so much, and your inspiring words. Am truly going to make that doctor's appt and check it out. In the meantime, please be here, and on other forum topics, for others.
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. Another thing is to realize that God will Himself comfort and recompense all who mourn, ALL - and will wipe the tears from all eyes.
