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All my life I have been struggling with homosexual desires. I was raised by a family so conservative they make Pat Robertson and Jerry Fallwell look like left wing nuts. I wouldn't put it beyond my dad to kill me if he ever found out about this. I would be disowned entirely by my family nonetheless. That said I was raised in a very conservative church just a little to the left of Westboro, where gays were usually blamed for various events as God's judgment for our nation's tolerance of homosexuality. I still believe in God however and have prayed numerous times for Him to take this burden from me, but it has not happened. In addition, I live in an extremely conservative area where it would be next to impossible for me to live as an open gay man. I would have to leave my church, friends, and family and would be completely alone. I don't think I could bear that. Not that in addition to a very possible reality that I would burn in hell for eternity for it. So I am basically stuck in a pathetic existence and I need to be prepared for a long lonely life. For whatever reason God will not lift this burden from me. To my fellow Christians, what advice do you give? I can't go to my church minister about this because I'll be excommunicated from the church. I can't go to my friends and I sure can't go to my family. I know on this board i've said some things about gays that I shouldn't have but that is due to my conservative surroundings and me fighting these desires. I apologize to those ive offended.
Kudos to you bchris.
I see a lot of courage in your post, sadness and despair as well, but I think you have just made a very important first step here. I don't know your age, or where you live, but I assure you that accepting yourself and changing your life will happen if you make that choice. It may seem scary to you now, but making new friends that accept you is not really that hard, even if you have to move. Do this and your life will be fulfilling and I'm certain much happier.....Which do you think is better, friends who accept you as you are, or friends who may desert you if your secret slips out? I wouldn't consider them friends at all... There is no need to leave your faith either if it is important to you.
I wish you success whatever your choice, but hope you choose to totally accept and love yourself regardless of what you have been taught are flaws...They are not flaws at all, but part of who you are.
I know in your post you directed your question mainly towards Christians but I also noticed that you posted it in the main forum so I thought I'd respond. If your post was meant to be in the Christianity forum then by all means, my apologies ahead of time for interjecting in a way that perhaps you did not mean to intend.
I have to say that I really felt rather saddened by your post and the situation that you are in. In part, I suppose much of it stems from the fact that I am rather certain you and I hold very opposing viewpoints on just about everything and I can't help but feel that so much of your situation is so terribly unnecessary that it pains me to see rather good people put in such predicaments that it seems to affect their overall well-being.
With that being said, I suppose there really are a few fundamental questions that I would try to ask myself if I were in your position. Those questions would mainly be centered around how important it is for you to be you as opposed to how important it is for others to see you as something you're not. Whether you choose to believe that your homosexual tendencies are a matter of "choice" as opposed to something you are born with is really not the issue. The issue, in my opinion, is that your struggle with these tendencies also comprises and makes up a very big part of who you are and it seems to obviously present itself in such a fashion and affect you in a way that you felt the need to post about it on the forum and ask for help.
I am sorry if I have a gross mis-representation of your family but the mention of the Westboro Baptist Church conjures up images of people with posters that say "God Hates F*gs". However, it is my impression that most Christians believe homosexuals are acting out of choice and that is what makes them homosexual (the action - not the thoughts); which is something I wholly disagree with but that's not really important. Yet, I get the feeling that if you presented your struggles with these thoughts and tendencies (whatever they may be) to your family, friends, loved ones and church leadership as part of a struggle defining who "you" are rather than confessing yourself to them as an out and out "homosexual" than perhaps there might be a little bit of empathy rather than rejection involved.
Only you would really know what to expect from those around you but my personal thoughts are that these tendencies and desires are not going to go away no matter how hard you pray and no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you don't have them because they mainly seem to define who "you" are regardless of whether you believe it is "sinful pressure" or something you're born with.
I can't bite my tongue on this issue and you may disagree with me but I truly have to ask why a loving God would present you with such fanatical temptations and then if acted upon would eviscerate you in hell. Perhaps you should think about the reason you hold those beliefs coupled with the surroundings you were brought up in... But that's really a side point...
Ultimately, I truly do feel saddened that we live in a day and age when an otherwise normal human being feels so compelled to define who and what he/she is while having to withhold precisely who and what they are.
I don't know if I helped but I wish you the best of luck and I hope this situation turns out for the better.
bchris, I am a Christian/believer who believes that homosexuality is not a choice..I am in the minority here in that, but I put my faith in God not in the beliefs of other men..I cannot imagine anyone who is of sound mind to deliberately "choose" to be gay and be hated so much by society, members of "religion", and ones own family...Speaking of choices, all I can say is do not allow people to make this particular choice for you, my friend, take it to God...Leading a moral upright life has nothing to do with your sexuality that you were born with and, just as you had no choice on being male or female, black or red, yellow or white...I pray bChris that you can find peace with the person you are and learn to love yourself as God loves you....And I pray that you can take the pain and judgements that you will probably suffer here..God Bless you bChris....
bchris, I am a Christian/believer who believes that homosexuality is not a choice..I am in the minority here in that, but I put my faith in God not in the beliefs of other men..I cannot imagine anyone who is of sound mind to deliberately "choose" to be gay and be hated so much by society, members of "religion", and ones own family...Speaking of choices, all I can say is do not allow people to make this particular choice for you, my friend, take it to God...Leading a moral upright life has nothing to do with your sexuality that you were born with and, just as you had no choice on being male or female, black or red, yellow or white...I pray bChris that you can find peace with the person you are and learn to love yourself as God loves you....And I pray that you can take the pain and judgements that you will probably suffer here..God Bless you bChris....
Homosexuality is a state of the mind. Why not turn to a counsellor?
He said he has been struggling with this ALL his life. You dont CHOOSE to have that 'state of mind' as a child.
I am not gay, but I was a Jehovah's Witness for nearly 40 years. I was in an insular cult and when I contemplated leaving, I was in a similar situation to you. I knew that I would lose friends and family, I would have to make a new life for myself from scratch. My present wife has had to do the same, having three generations of family all living in the same little town treat her as if she was dead.
But, for my own integrity and sanity, I had to do it and all I can say is, thank goodness for the internet. It was a literal lifesaver for me. My advice is to find groups on the net where you can find others who can completely identify and sympathize with your situation. That is your gateway to making new friends and a new life, if thats what you decide to do.
I dont think I would have survived living a life of lying to myself, without having some sort of major breakdown.
Trust me, it takes courage and it is painful for a while, but ultimately I am happier and at a more peaceful, accepting stage of my life than I have ever been. It is so liberating.
And dont worry about going to hell. Look outside the 'box' of your church and find out what other Christians believe. Study the Bible again too. I was a Christian, but never believed in a fiery hell. Its all a matter of interpretation.
If there is a God up there who allows you to have these feelings and then will not help you, yet will happily consign you to fiery torment for eternity, he is not worth worshipping, because he is nothing but an evil dictator.
I am so sorry that you have this dilemma in your life and I know that saying just do this or that and you will be fixed is too simplistic and frankly ignorant and naive.
I hope you find your way to be who you really want to be.
I would have to leave my church, friends, and family and would be completely alone. I don't think I could bear that. Not that in addition to a very possible reality that I would burn in hell for eternity for it.
You're going to be completely alone either way. Why not move to an area where you can live a life that suits you and where you can find love and acceptance? It's better than putting a gun to your head.
People who force themselves to live a life that makes others happy, often end up with suicidal thoughts.
If there is any doubt or desire to have homosexual relations, then you will go that direction. You have to want to walk the straight and narrow, and keep yourself unspotted from the world.
godspeed,
freedom
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