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"The rod in the Old Testament was basically a wooden walking stick, a stout club, staff, or a tree branch used primarily for defense as in the Twenty-third Psalm, or for marshalling the sheep, or for thrashing cummin. Other uses of the rod included a scourge to inflict punishment or to strike a servant (Ex. 21:20). It was also used as a scepter of authority, the symbol of a king's power, and an instrument of miracles, such as those performed by Moses and Aaron.
I personally made a basic mistake with my youngest daughter because of that primitve BS. We've worked it out now and she understands but that doesn't undo it.
Oh I know how you feel Melvin. I made that mistake with my two kids too. Now one of them practically hates us. I have one who is disabled but we didn't know it when he was really small....the church had us convinced that he was just bad and needed to be beat into submission. Well we didn't beat the tar out of him or anything...but still. I hate them. All of them. And later the friggin church we were at had my husband (not me...I never really believed it) convinced that you had to force your kids to do what YOU wanted them to in order to be a good parent. So we MADE our daughter wear skirts and dresses up till age 11....another thing she resents.
The quickest way to get a child to be rebellious is to FORCE your beliefs upon them! Let them be themselves!
Oh and don't beat them! I'm not talking about swatting a 2 year old lightly...I'm talking beating, spanking, etc....I've never seen a parent spank a child that wasn't all P*$$ed of and mad at that child. Sets up the child to be the same way. Believe me I know.
Oh I know how you feel Melvin. I made that mistake with my two kids too. Now one of them practically hates us. I have one who is disabled but we didn't know it when he was really small....the church had us convinced that he was just bad and needed to be beat into submission. Well we didn't beat the tar out of him or anything...but still. I hate them. All of them. And later the friggin church we were at had my husband (not me...I never really believed it) convinced that you had to force your kids to do what YOU wanted them to in order to be a good parent. So we MADE our daughter wear skirts and dresses up till age 11....another thing she resents.
The quickest way to get a child to be rebellious is to FORCE your beliefs upon them! Let them be themselves!
Oh and don't beat them! I'm not talking about swatting a 2 year old lightly...I'm talking beating, spanking, etc....I've never seen a parent spank a child that wasn't all P*$$ed of and mad at that child. Sets up the child to be the same way. Believe me I know.
I hear you. My situation was complicated by having two daughters born about 22 months apart in age and the oldest being a perfect child. She walked at ten months, was speaking in sentences by the time she was a year old, potty trained completely by fifteen months etc.
My second daughter was a bit slower. Having two so different in capabilites and both of them so young kinda took a toll on my (EX) wife too so that complicated the scene. My second daughter was a bed wetter. I listened to war between my wife and she and it was ongoing. There was a built in frustration on my part too. I guess I began to whip her with my belt when she was about four years old. She was the most rebellious child I've ever been around. I've whipped her till I was tired only to have her shout at me as I left the room, saying she would do whatever it was the next time she had a chance.
By the time she was six I knew I had to do something so I ordered this device from Pacific International. To reduce it to it's simplest explanation, at bedtime you stripped the child to the waist and laid them on a half sheet looking device which contained a conductor. The first drops of urine which made their way to the conductor set off a loud audio oscillator and woke the child.
Turns out that most bedwetting is caused by an involuntary muscle which must be trained. It happens without notice in most children but occasionally there is an exception. Anyway that stopped the bedwetting and the constant turmoil. When she was a teenager she went through hundreds of hours of psychiatric counseling and seems to have it all under control now.
As the years passed she became my favorite of all my children and we're inseparable now. She has a wonderful husband and two outstanding sons.
She only got an associates degree but is a project director for the DOE earning six figures. My other two kids have masters degrees.
The primitive teachings of the bible are very good when used for toilet paper IMO
Geez Melvin. You were messed up too. Glad to hear that you have a good relationship with her now. I just hope that happens in my house. Right now she hates us and I don't blame her. She is very justified in her feelings. How did you make it right?
Geez Melvin. You were messed up too. Glad to hear that you have a good relationship with her now. I just hope that happens in my house. Right now she hates us and I don't blame her. She is very justified in her feelings. How did you make it right?
My wife and I divorced when the girls were in their teens. My son was only eight at that time. The girls lived with me some of the time and I helped them buy cars, advised them about school matters, etc. Over the years we just quietly decided to let bygones be bygones and try to get along. After she had sons of her own we actually discussed the childhood problems and my poor choice of discipline. It's ironic that she and I are the two who finally get along without religion. My ex wife and the other two kids are "devout" Christians.
I believe any disciplined instilled upon a child in an abusive manner will result in a troubled child or that child hating you when they are older, whether it is done under the concept of the bible or whatever else is erroneously motivating the actions. Abuse is never okay.
I raised 3 children and am now step-mother of 3 others. The 3 I raised are now 20, 19 and 17. Neither hates me or feels resentful of how they were raised. I did follow the concept of "spare the rod, spoil the child" but my children were never ever beat or abused. In fact, they were never even spanked while anger was still present within myself or my ex-husband. We knew better than to ever spank our child in anger. Our kids were sent to their room and we would go in a few minutes later once we calmed down. There was never endless spanking until we grew tired. We had determined long before spanking would be, 2, 3 spanks at most, always on the behind and always with the explanation of why they were being spanked, i.e. what they did wrong. In essence it was not because you made us angry but rather because you did this or that.
Furthermore, our kids were never spanked for trivial matters or matters that were just an inconvenience to us, i.e. bed wetting, poor grades, etc. Bed wetting for example was handled by way of a rewards system for dry bed rather than punishment for wet bed. Same with grades. Good grades got rewarded, bad grades were met with encouragement they could do better and an offer to help them achieve it.
However, outright disrespect, disobedience, lying, things of that nature may have called for a spanking but again, in a manner they knew beforehand would result in it and done orderly, not in the heat of anger. For the trivial stuff there was loss of privileges, loss of allowances, time-outs, etc. and at times simply a talking to, but not spankings. Spankings also went decreasing as they got older and ceased by around the time they were 6 or so.
Also, as babies there wasn't any spanking as they were incapable of truly understanding they were doing something wrong. At most a child under 2 may have gotten a soft tap on a hand to say "no don't touch that" or perhaps a soft tap on the diaper.
Not sparing the rod or spoiling the child is about setting a standard of behavior which holds rewards and consequences. It is don't spoil the child through lack of discipline and correction. However, it is not license to abuse your child or beat them. Personally, I've never been to any church that has endorsed or recommended beating your child. Praise God because I would have a piece of my mind to share with them if I had and I wouldn't be a returning member to that church either.
Rule #1, Don't let Christian dogma over ride common sense.
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