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I don’t think that’s an actual word, but I know it’s used a lot now by politicians who make verbal or written boo boos At any rate, I thought the word appropriate. After posting a thread recently and having some exchanges the last few days, I been doing some reflecting.
Upon close self scrutiny and looking back at my initial reactions to some people’s comments, I can see how I was too quick to assume the worst in peoples replies. In giving it some thought, I can attribute it to a few factors.
#1. Inability to read correctly the tone of the poster and their intent.
#2 Annoyance at peoples assumptions (in both directions of dialog) that have no bearing on actual circumstances or reality.
#3. Annoyance at the fact that people sometimes seem to ignore what you have all ready posted, or take what you have said and turn it into something totally different and foreign to your intent.
#4 Hate when someone points out where you have been wrong or things you haven’t considered. (humble pie) Though this one I can usually swallow and fess up to.
5. And last, the reality that some people really are jerks. (though I have not seen it very much on this board) Much more prevalent on my son’s You Tube comments and some boards he frequents.
I have lectured my son who spends a great deal of time sparing on the internet about being too hurtful in his choice of language sometimes, and when responding to someone, who is actually being a jerk, to try and encourage him not to jump into the dirty water with them.
So in my hour or so of contemplation, I said to myself. SELF in the future, if a response p….s you off. WAIT before you answer. Don’t answer when you are upset. YOU may be making some assumptions that are not correct. Don’t let those lightning fast fingers of yours travel over the keyboard at your first knee jerk reaction.
It’s difficult sometime not being a wise guy, cause we can be oh so clever. (so we think).
Does anyone else relate to this? What’s been your experience? (Besides.... That's why they have the edit feature)
From time to time, I have been guilty of what you're talking about and wished I had toned things down a bit. Several times, I have apologized to people, figuring it's the least I could do. How likely we are to transgress in that way depends a lot on our personality and communications style. Some people are habitually very diplomatic and under-stated. But I have a more vigorous style, and it's a life-long thing. Hard for a leopard to change its spots. Of course this all comes in matters of degrees, and I don't think I'm among the worst offenders. (Hope I'm not deluding myself with that last clause!)
May I suggest a #5 in certain forums, even here at CD, mods wish to 'steer' the discussion in a certain self serving directions. For example, in one forum I frequent the mod is spouse to a relator who, gets leads from the forum, thus discussion on lower RE commissions or similar topics are deleted. That is not to say being a mod is easy or there are plenty of people lining up for the job.
It's good of you to reflect and realize. Here's hoping you have whatever it takes to stick to it.
Sometimes I want to lash out when people say stupid things--or mean things. I have a strong sense of fair play and I can see both sides so I can usually restrain myself. My real weakness is when I see REALLY bad grammar and spelling and I want to say, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" (It grates on my nerves.)
One reason I enjoy this retirement forum is that the people usually write well and put some thought into what they are saying. It's mostly the younger people who annoy me with, "Him and me are going to loose some wait." Yup, it just grates on my nerves and I keep thinking that someone needs to TELL them or that kind of writing will spread even further.
Lately when I see that sort of thing (and it happens far too often..) I go into the Writing Forum where there is a thread called "I can't stand it anymore."
Once inside, I read and laugh.
That works for me. As the OP pointed out, you do have to stop and think and specifically decide to not do it. Not hurt anyone.
What's hardest for me are the neo-nazis and holocaust deniers who sometimes inhabit the History Forum. It makes me so angry and frustrated to read the smug denials of the unspeakable sufferings of World War II and there is no possibility of dialog with those people, as they themselves are literally in denial. I had to stop reading the History Forum for a while. Another frustration is the firm belief in zombies which I encounter in the Self-Sufficiency and Preparedness Forum. That people live in a world of make-believe which is real to them is scary. And what can I say to such people? That there is no such thing as zombies? I've tried that, but it doesn't work, of course. Similar are the Mayan calendar people. How does one explain to them that it is irrational to assume that the Mayans could foretell the future? Disagreement I can handle, but belief in fairy tales? The U.S. bashers in the History Forum, while not as objectionable as the holocaust deniers, do nonetheless get my goat. They claim a moral equivalency between Japan and the United States in World War II. World War II is one of my main hobby reading interests, so I come to that discussion with a fair amount of knowledge and I know of the systematic brutality of the Japanese war machine. No amount of citations will reach these U.S. haters, however. Very frustrating.
Interesting hearing other people's experience. I guess we all have our hot buttons and areas of passion. Being an atheist and wanting to be left alone to my own personal beliefs, I tend to get ruffled sometimes when people take on (what I perceive) as a moral superiority and judgmental attitude with me. In my gut I really want to call them a pious SOB, but thankfully I have been able to refrain. Then I think about it, and realize it is my problem, and they can no more think differently about it, than I can. I live in a world, where my beliefs are in the minority and must learn to cope.
Interesting hearing about the zombie believers and holocaust
deniers Escort Rider. How do you even respond to people like that? That would leave me breathless too. I can relate to your natural temperament, and working to tone it down. I have a tendency to be a little too direct sometimes and need to learn to soften the edges a bit. Sometimes, when I write a response to someone, it sounds OK to me when I am writing it, but when I go back and re-read it, I realize I was sounding a little harsh and have to go back and do a re-write.
In-newengland. I figure you must be a writer, so this is your passion. This is not my strong point, so be gentle.
Toymeister. I haven't come across those posts yet, but now I will be looking for them.
We might be better served if some posters were en brochette rather than online. I am morally weak and easily tempted, I do use the Ignore List for the juicier ones.
IMHO, If you don't believe in zombies, it simply means that you are not acquainted with Facebook.
I don’t think that’s an actual word, but I know it’s used a lot now by politicians who make verbal or written boo boos At any rate, I thought the word appropriate. After posting a thread recently and having some exchanges the last few days, I been doing some reflecting.
Upon close self scrutiny and looking back at my initial reactions to some people’s comments, I can see how I was too quick to assume the worst in peoples replies. In giving it some thought, I can attribute it to a few factors.
#1. Inability to read correctly the tone of the poster and their intent.
#2 Annoyance at peoples assumptions (in both directions of dialog) that have no bearing on actual circumstances or reality.
#3. Annoyance at the fact that people sometimes seem to ignore what you have all ready posted, or take what you have said and turn it into something totally different and foreign to your intent.
#4 Hate when someone points out where you have been wrong or things you haven’t considered. (humble pie) Though this one I can usually swallow and fess up to.
5. And last, the reality that some people really are jerks. (though I have not seen it very much on this board) Much more prevalent on my son’s You Tube comments and some boards he frequents.
If I knew to what posts you referred, I would have probably attributed it to your newbieness (is that a word? ) I see by your posting history that you haven't posted in any forums except this one and have been on CD since the beginning of this month. Tip: If you want to get a feel for where a poster is coming from, rather than just what they are saying in one thread, read some of their previous posts. Click on their name in any message and choose "read all posts by." You can learn a lot about a poster that way.
If you want to convey tone, use emoticons/smilies.
Don't assume you or your opinions/responses make a lasting impression on people. Posters sometimes think you remember them or what they said (good or bad) the day before or the week before. A poster or their post is out of mind for me after I hit, Submit Reply. Bet I'm not the only one.
There are some CD forums geared to opinion and those can get heated but the people who stick around in them actually enjoy the sparring, I think, or they wouldn't keep coming back. Deep down we all know no one is changing anyone's mind. I have been on "membership" forums. If people are paying for the privilege of posting to some site's message boards, you are getting a lot of like-minded people. It may be civil but it's really dull in a predominantly opinion-type forum (as opposed to an information-sharing type forum).
This Retirement forum is pretty benign, in my opinion. If something here made you twitchy, you might want to avoid forums like Politics and Other Controversies, General US, Great Debates, etc.
Reading comprehension is a problem for some but it's pretty easy to point out what they missed.
If your Number 4 bothers you, it's going to be tough for you in some CD forums. I'm just sayin'.
Is Internet Miss-Speak anything like a costume malfunction?
Perhaps a simple rule of thumb when you come across people you find unpleasant, ignorant, etc. is this; if you wouldn't engage them in real life, don't engage them on-line.
Memo to self: Follow your own advice!
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) I see by your posting history that you haven't posted in any forums except this one and have been on CD since the beginning of this month. Tip: If you want to get a feel for where a poster is coming from, rather than just what they are saying in one thread, read some of their previous posts. Click on their name in any message and choose "read all posts by." You can learn a lot about a poster that way. 
