Why do so many older people sell their homes and live between all of their kids?

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by Ringo1

... I have learned enough to say that I would rather be in a 'home' than live with my adult child. 3 generations under one roof; just is not working.
...Both my father and son are terribly unhappy and I am desperately trying to figure out how we are going to do this or what changes need to be made.

No, there is very little time for me; somehow I got lost in this whole process.

Be Careful , You actually have at least 3 significantly different sets of needs in the house. Enable THEM ALL to come up with and be responsible for the solution. YOUR solutions are not gonna solve this for anyone. (including yourself).

If you don't personally have resources for mitigation, I would be developing them, or more likely paying for them. There are numerous providers, worth the expense and time in this case. Some providers are available free of charge. Check with local community, family, and senior resources. (even your local Co-op development group, they are used to dealing with LOTS of relationship barriers).

This is really too big of a job to 'micro-manage', and by bringing on a neutral 'third party' you will illustrate to the principle parties that you are committed to resolution, harmony, and doing what is best for all.

Tough to see while in the midst of the battle, but you will all pass through this valley and be the best for it on the far side. Even today my family is dealing with an end-of-life choice (hospice), this is certainly not the first time and we are supporting each other rather than being in the 'Cat-fight' that often erupts.

Get this worked out sooner than later. Any crisis can sink the boat while tensions are tight.

Make sure everyone get there own space, freedom, and responsibility for decisions as much as possible. Give everyone a chance and reason to participate (especially grandpa and Jr.)

How old is the teenager? There is always "Dairy Farm Boarding School". It is good for teens to be ACTIVE (getting up at 3AM - 7 days / week) and get lots of exercise (scooping manure, feeding and chasing cows, hauling hay). I made it a habit to visit and stay overnight at dairy farms when my kids were at impressionable ages and needed an attitude adjustment.

[SCBaker]

Originally Posted by StealthRabbit

How old is the teenager? There is always "Dairy Farm Boarding School". It is good for teens to be ACTIVE (getting up at 3AM - 7 days / week) and get lots of exercise (scooping manure, feeding and chasing cows, hauling hay). I made it a habit to visit and stay overnight at dairy farms when my kids were at impressionable ages and needed an attitude adjustment.

Might be considered child abuse in today's society.

[theatergypsy]

Two years ago, I was hospitalized and diagnosed with colon cancer. Had surgery and was discharged after two weeks. My youngest son and his wife took me to their home, having moved my bed and my lap top and a few personal things. I stayed with them for six months while I had chemo. They had been looking for a bigger house, even before I came into the mix, and they found one they liked. I was finished my chemo, they were closing on the new home and I told them that I was going back to my own house.

They would have preferred me to stay with them, but I treasure my privacy and doing whatever I want, whenever I want. I'm able to take care of myself and even though my house is more house than I need, it's mine. Besides, who knows if or when I will have to depend on their care in the future.

I don't know what the OP means saying "so many" since seniors today are able to live independently due to better medical care, Social Security, and subsidized senior housing. More elderly have paid off their mortgages than the young families, so it would make sense for the struggling younger set to move in with the parents.

[Ringo1]

Originally Posted by StealthRabbit

Be Careful , You actually have at least 3 significantly different sets of needs in the house. Enable THEM ALL to come up with and be responsible for the solution. YOUR solutions are not gonna solve this for anyone. (including yourself).

If you don't personally have resources for mitigation, I would be developing them, or more likely paying for them. There are numerous providers, worth the expense and time in this case. Some providers are available free of charge. Check with local community, family, and senior resources. (even your local Co-op development group, they are used to dealing with LOTS of relationship barriers).

This is really too big of a job to 'micro-manage', and by bringing on a neutral 'third party' you will illustrate to the principle parties that you are committed to resolution, harmony, and doing what is best for all.

Tough to see while in the midst of the battle, but you will all pass through this valley and be the best for it on the far side. Even today my family is dealing with an end-of-life choice (hospice), this is certainly not the first time and we are supporting each other rather than being in the 'Cat-fight' that often erupts.

Get this worked out sooner than later. Any crisis can sink the boat while tensions are tight.

Make sure everyone get there own space, freedom, and responsibility for decisions as much as possible. Give everyone a chance and reason to participate (especially grandpa and Jr.)

How old is the teenager? There is always "Dairy Farm Boarding School". It is good for teens to be ACTIVE (getting up at 3AM - 7 days / week) and get lots of exercise (scooping manure, feeding and chasing cows, hauling hay). I made it a habit to visit and stay overnight at dairy farms when my kids were at impressionable ages and needed an attitude adjustment.

Oh, thanks for your advice. My son is a swimmer; up at the crack of dawn every summer day and 2 1/2 hours every evening - year round. So he keeps himself pretty busy and so active that he looks like I don't feed him enough.

You know, I have always heard that 'two women' can't live together; but I'm thinking it's the same for two men. They should just go ahead and hike their legs on the furniture to claim what is theirs.

They vy for my attention; it's ridiculous.

I do have an EAP program at work; thinking about seeing if I can get a referral to a family counselor. Would be dificult to get my father to participate, however. He could use an attitude adjustment as well. He's depressed, cranky, and thinks he still runs the show but, progressively, does less and less for himself. We have HomeInstead in 3 days a week; kinda like turning my home into a nursing home.

As for me ~ I'm done trying to be responsible for everyone's happiness. Everyone wanted to move here - here we are - it's not my job to twist myself into a pretzel to keep everyone happy. I have a demanding job; neither my son nor my father drives . . my new motto is "I'm doing the best I can".

I am not sure what will happen or how long we will all continue to live under one roof. I fully intend to keep my mind and all my options open.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by Ringo1

... My son is a swimmer; ... he looks like I don't feed him enough. And I'm sure he eats like a HORSE. (I am an avid lap swimmer, but nearest public pool is 40 miles away ) I loved living in Asia, we had a 'deck level' pool at work USA pools are pretty much like a dungeon.

You know, I have always heard that 'two women' can't live together; but I'm thinking it's the same for two men. too much testosterone in the house... the 'Nature' programs illustrate how the male of the species age in a group.... It isn't pretty for grandpa (and a bit comical for Jr )

They vy for my attention; it's ridiculous. See above

I do have an EAP program at work; ...Would be difficult to get my father to participate, however. He could use an attitude adjustment as well. He's depressed, cranky, and thinks he still runs the show ... Maybe get him one of those KING sized Remotes

...neither my son nor my father drives . . The Straight Story (1999) - IMDb
Get them each a Riding LawnMower and ONE tank of gas(You can find riding mowers with worn out decks for $100

I am not sure what will happen or how long we will all continue to live under one roof. I fully intend to keep my mind and all my options open.

I would add a trap door to the cellar at each of their spaces at the table, and a missile door above your place, so you can "jet on outta there" and leave them sitting in a cloud of smoke.

[Ringo1]

Originally Posted by StealthRabbit

I would add a trap door to the cellar at each of their spaces at the table, and a missile door above your place, so you can "jet on outta there" and leave them sitting in a cloud of smoke.

And I'm liking that option!!