in what ways would you have changed your chilhood.. (divorce, divorced, relatives)

[LivingDeadGirl]

I would have changed everything; would have loved to have wealthy, musical, cosmopolitan parents with the means to encourage me and give me music/dancing lessons at the best studios.

[in_newengland]

I would have changed my town from a snobby competitive town with a high pressure school system to a normal small town with friendly people. I have a lifelong inferiority complex from that town and a confusion as to where I belong in society.

I wish my parents hadn't favored my middle sister who figured it all out and was extremely manipulative. (My mother apologized very late in her life for what they did to me.)

I wanted to live in another state but when I grew up and traveled, I realized I had grown up in the best state.

I would have been satisfied with not being able to afford everything I wanted if only I had grown up in a town where every kid didn't get exactly what they wanted--and more.

I'm glad I was within bike distance of school, library, playgrounds and I'm glad we all had big backyards with lots of kids around.

I'm glad we had radio and tv, that my parents always read to me, and that in high school they subscribed to Time Magazine (for moi?) and suddenly got a "stereo with classical music records (again, for me, I think.)

I'm glad my relatives came from another country and I could listen to them talk about it and I'm glad my Dad got to be friends with an exchange teacher and I got to hear all about his country.. ----got me interested in the outside world, travel, other cultures.

I'm glad that my Dad always took us out into nature and would teach us the names of the trees and how to fish (3 girls) but you just can't be normal without experiencing nature.

I'm glad I was always allowed to have a pet. They always got rid of my dogs, which was painful to me, but at least I always had a cat.

I'm unbelievably grateful that my Dad had a large vegetable garden. I saw where food came from and the food we had was fresh. It was very boring at the time though.

I'm glad we had relatives around a lot--wish the other side of the family could have been around too--it's a huge help to have other role models and more love.

I'm extremely thankful that my Dad worked extra, saved up, and even though we went only for one week and in the off-season, we took a family vacation every year. What memories! And memories make dreams! And dreams have determined where I am living RIGHT NOW.

[Curmudgeon]

I'd have gotten a lot smarter at a much earlier age and become a monk!

[believe007]

Originally Posted by catsy girl

with the knowledge you have now about yourself and the world, how would you have changed the way in which you were raised? are there things you wish had been part of your rearing that might have made a positive difference for you as an adult?

if you would change nothing, what were the positives influences in your childhood which, you feel, contributed to your becoming a mature, stable adult?

catsy girl

In a word: everything. I grew up in the wrong family, wrong town, wrong state.
So with that knowldege, I'm workin' on my second childhood

[Newdaawn]

I would change the fact that my mom was well on her way to being an alcoholic by the time I was 13. In those days it wasn't even discussed just covered up. I spend alot of time at friend's houses and saw how others lived with mothers that put them first. If it wasn't for my great Dad I would have been a mess.

[tngirl205]

Oh c'mon Curmudgeon, you would not have become a monk! That would just mess up the image I have of you

The only thing that I would have changed about my childhood is that I grew up in the city and I should have grown up on a farm. I loved (still do) animals and I had a bunch of them....cats, dogs, ducks, chickens, bunnies, hamsters, and always wanted a horse. There were some stables in Santa Ana, CA where I grew up, so I saved my allowance and would ride on the weekends. I always dreamed of having a horse someday. My dream came true when my husband and I married 31 years ago. Things have changed over the years, don't have the horses any more, but they brought so much satisfaction and love and I'll always have those memories.

My parents had a ceramic shop in Orange (family business) and our yearly vacation was an entire day at Disneyland. Every year. We always looked forward to it and every year was like the first time we ever went!

My parents were wonderful people, my mom was able to stay home while my dad worked. They instilled such a sense of family to us. We had a favorite aunt and uncle that we were always doing things with, I remember spending summers with them. It was a very happy childhood.

I have been a probation officer in the past, have worked in law enforcement and the court system. I currently work in the court system. I am associated with all sorts of people and have been all my life. I am very thankful for who I am and the upbringing I have had. I wouldn't change that for anything and feel very fortunate.

[brokensky]

Won't get into the "whys" . . . but would say I wish I had understood that I was as capable of competing with others as anyone else. I had some voice in the back of my head that made me feel others (with whom I would be competing in my field) had led privileged lives and thus, were more confident, more prepared. What really freaked me out was the thought of competing with Ivy League grads, so instead of doing what I should have done - headed to a big city after college and gotten my foot in the door with a publication - I felt a sense of utter defeat and never even attempted to do what I really desired. I just felt it was hopeless b/c I didn't have a degree from BU or Princeton or Harvard, lol. Plus, my parents believed I should "make it on my own," so I couldn't figure out how to make enough money to save up the $$$ to relocate. I was very intimidated by the entire process.

So if I had it to do over, I would have found a way to make those dreams come true in my 20s.

I will say this: by the time I was 30, I had come to the realization that I had been foolish, indeed and silly for feeling intimidated by Ivy League credentials and young professionals with trust funds. I discovered that it was simply a matter of setting goals and making it happen. I have never let anything hold me back once I learned that everyone feels intimidated at times . . . and the key is simply being as prepared as possible and showing respect and appreciation to those around me. . .I found mentors, I learned all I could . . . good, solid work is always rewarded, in the end . . . so it all worked out.

Just too bad I got into a lousy marriage while floundering around . . . but then, if I skipped that - I wouldn't have my son . . . and being his mom has been the best thing I have done in my entire life, lol. That is why I tend to think . . . if I had it to do all over . . . I don't know I would have done any of it differently. :-)

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by tngirl205

Oh c'mon Curmudgeon, you would not have become a monk! That would just mess up the image I have of you

Gotta watch them images, dontcha know. They might turn out to be mirages.

[LivingDeadGirl]

Originally Posted by Curmudgeon

I'd have gotten a lot smarter at a much earlier age and become a monk!

You never fail to amuse me but I'm not allowed to give you any more "atta boys". Keep up the entertaining comments!

[Cali BassMan]

I'd have knocked the boots off the blond around the corner...