Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am hoping to get some advice, perspective and wisdom from the elders about how to handle possible futures.
My husband is originally from a modest upper class family in Mexico. They have a family business that is nearly 40 years old and it's related to my husband's professional career and academic expertise. My father-in-law is set to retire soon and he will be meeting with his children to work out a succession plan next month. I will find out shortly if the numbers work out enough that would make relocating to Mexico a viable and desirable option. At the same time we are sending our older son down to spend the summer with his Mexican relatives. He asked to go. We didn't push it on him. I'm proud of him for his willingness to try something very adventurous. It will good for his personal development and establish a deeper connection with his family. It's also a good test to see how the kids might do if we did decide to relocate.
Even if we don't move down to join the business I can see my husband wanting to spend time in Mexico when we are financially independent and not working (a ten year goal) I can see us having two homes, two lives.. one here and one there. Being a snowbird is common.. doesn't even matter that my husband is Mexican (although I'm sure it will have benefits). I've read there are tens of thousands of American retirees in Mexico. Some are down there full time, others come back for certain months of the year.
One area where I have my reservations is about being away from my adult kids if they so choose to have their lives in one country and we're in another. I haven't lived within 200 miles of my mother since I graduated high school and we've been in different states for nearly 15 years... my kids aren't close to her at all. In the event of our untimely deaths they would want us to send them to Mexico instead of going to live with her... I don't want to have that kind of relationship with my adult children and possible future grandchildren.
How do full-time and part-time expat retirees maintain their connection with their children? Do any of them ever feel compunction about not "being there" for the moments, big and small? I know that there is technology and all that.. skyping and texting and all that jazz, but honestly.. we have that now and my mother and I have never done that stuff... I'm sure that's because we've both been apathetic, but the miles don't help either...
It sounds exciting, but I also worry that I'll feel stretched.. like I'll have bits and pieces of me spread out everywhere. When I think about what I want in retirement I've only imagined sinking roots deep into a place. Cultivating a home and garden and social circle in a quaint town or village.. maybe near the mountains, maybe on an island near the sea.. where I live now you can almost do both simultaneously.
Do expat retirees ever feel this way? Is it ever not worth it?
I guess what I'm asking is what are the difficulties to the snowbird lifestyle besides what I've mentioned.
What do expat retirees do when they get really old? Like when medical and physical deterioration sets in like frail bones and fractured hips, serious dementia like with Alzheimer's?
Well, I don't have kids, but the expats around us do. They typically go back twice a year if they live here full-time. Otherwise they snow-bird here. They go back for important events like a new grandkid. For many of them, it works out to be as often as they would see them even if they lived in the U.S. or Canada anyway. If you live in another state from your kids and have to get on an airplane, often its not much difference time-wise.
Example: It's a 5-hour flight from here on the equator, to Houston. 4 hrs. or less to Miami. $300 to Miami and about $550 to Houston. So not a lot of difference from flying across the U.S.
I have read that about 50% of expats don't make it and end up returning to the home country. But the ones around here seem content with one foot here and one foot there.
I admire you for contemplating this potential move and admire your son for going into the adventure in another culture. It is a wonderful, eye-opening experience to have in life---seeing how other parts of the world live. You have a distinct advantage in knowing Spanish already--that is my one regret. Not learning that earlier in life. It's hard to do now at retirement age, but I guess some mental gymnastics are what we need to keep the neurons firing these days.
It is true that getting frail is a concern, since LTC doesn't exist here (not sure about Mexico). But home help is super cheap here so we hope if that day comes, we can hire assistance and stay here. We could never afford LTC in the U.S. anyway, so it's kind of moot for us.
I'm looking for stories of current expat retirees... what their lives are like.. the challenges they face with regards to staying connected to their children and other family members... if that's even a problem (which it sounds like it might not be any different than living across country).
Certainly how they plan to age and die is a concern of mine too.
The other conversation was very specific to personal finances and career forums (affordability and job risk). A very "here and now" moment.
This conversation is sort of beyond all that. When you happily and freely marry someone from a different country you (perhaps unwittingly) invite the potential that you might one day will live your spouse's home country. My husband's dream (which is not the same as saying his goal.. the difference being the latter is actionable) is to own a small coffee plantation in Veracruz. He's talked dreamily about it for as long as I can remember. We once visited Veracruz together.. we even know a couple, a pair of professors from the US and Australia who have such an enterprise there.. I'm sure he found them inspirational..
As I might have pointed out in the previous conversation: From the financial standpoint we've already secured the option of an expat retirement. It's available to us right now. Of course, that's not to say that jumping ship for sands and beaches and coffee fields (or family businesses) is a good decision for us right now. I think in that other conversation I was trying to figure out the "right now".
Now I'm just thinking without a timeline. I'm thinking about 15, 20 years into the future. Wondering what would things be like if we directed our energies into that direction.
Even this week we were having a casual conversation about it. We were at Costco over the weekend and this woman must have had 18 mangoes in plastic bubble packaging. Ridiculous amount of packaging when you really stop to think about it. My husband looked at her cart with her plastic packages of mangoes and just said, "you remember the mango trees in Acapulco, right?... they literally have to post signs warning you of falling mangoes.. they're so many of them they just drip off the trees.. coffee and mangoes... best things in life.. so explain to me why we shouldn't move to Veracruz someday?"
He's got a point you know: Coffee and mangoes are two of the best things in life.
Sounds like you've already planned the "snowbird" existence which implies it doesn't matter WHERE your kids are, you'll still be in a different country than them at least part of the year? Are you assuming they will "return" to the U.S. to work and marry? Do you assume they'll be in the same area as each other?
Certainly families don't stay even in the same part of the U.S. these days what with having to move for work, for school, for a spouse. Whether you are in another country or not, the distance is likely to be as great so what's the difference? And you could have a child in CA and a child in NY - would your plans NOW or 10 years from now change at all because of that? And grown kids don't stay "planted" any more than their parents do.
I don't think you can anticipate and plan for every eventuality. And you have no idea how much technology might change in 20 years. Make a commitment NOW that family connections are important and keep your family psychologically connected NOW - that will have the greatest impact on whether you feel connected (in spite of distance) in the future.
I am hoping to get some advice, perspective and wisdom from the elders about how to handle possible futures.
My husband is originally from a modest upper class family in Mexico. They have a family business that is nearly 40 years old and it's related to my husband's professional career and academic expertise. My father-in-law is set to retire soon and he will be meeting with his children to work out a succession plan next month. I will find out shortly if the numbers work out enough that would make relocating to Mexico a viable and desirable option. At the same time we are sending our older son down to spend the summer with his Mexican relatives. He asked to go. We didn't push it on him. I'm proud of him for his willingness to try something very adventurous. It will good for his personal development and establish a deeper connection with his family. It's also a good test to see how the kids might do if we did decide to relocate.
Even if we don't move down to join the business I can see my husband wanting to spend time in Mexico when we are financially independent and not working (a ten year goal) I can see us having two homes, two lives.. one here and one there. Being a snowbird is common.. doesn't even matter that my husband is Mexican (although I'm sure it will have benefits). I've read there are tens of thousands of American retirees in Mexico. Some are down there full time, others come back for certain months of the year.
One area where I have my reservations is about being away from my adult kids if they so choose to have their lives in one country and we're in another. I haven't lived within 200 miles of my mother since I graduated high school and we've been in different states for nearly 15 years... my kids aren't close to her at all. In the event of our untimely deaths they would want us to send them to Mexico instead of going to live with her... I don't want to have that kind of relationship with my adult children and possible future grandchildren.
How do full-time and part-time expat retirees maintain their connection with their children? Do any of them ever feel compunction about not "being there" for the moments, big and small? I know that there is technology and all that.. skyping and texting and all that jazz, but honestly.. we have that now and my mother and I have never done that stuff... I'm sure that's because we've both been apathetic, but the miles don't help either...
It sounds exciting, but I also worry that I'll feel stretched.. like I'll have bits and pieces of me spread out everywhere. When I think about what I want in retirement I've only imagined sinking roots deep into a place. Cultivating a home and garden and social circle in a quaint town or village.. maybe near the mountains, maybe on an island near the sea.. where I live now you can almost do both simultaneously.
Do expat retirees ever feel this way? Is it ever not worth it?
I guess what I'm asking is what are the difficulties to the snowbird lifestyle besides what I've mentioned.
What do expat retirees do when they get really old? Like when medical and physical deterioration sets in like frail bones and fractured hips, serious dementia like with Alzheimer's?
Expats generally have one house in their own town and live abroad half of the year.
Senior years you can move back home and be around family. That's my understanding FWIW
Senior years you can move back home and be around family where you belong. Not in Mexico.
I hope it's that easy, clear and cut when the time comes. I would probably choose to come back to the States on my own. On his own my husband might wish to be in Mexico though.
Our kids could be anywhere as pointed out by another poster. Could be Mexico, US or even a different country... there is a history of international moves and marriages on both sides of the family...
Sounds like you've already planned the "snowbird" existence which implies it doesn't matter WHERE your kids are, you'll still be in a different country than them at least part of the year? Are you assuming they will "return" to the U.S. to work and marry? Do you assume they'll be in the same area as each other?
Certainly families don't stay even in the same part of the U.S. these days what with having to move for work, for school, for a spouse. Whether you are in another country or not, the distance is likely to be as great so what's the difference? And you could have a child in CA and a child in NY - would your plans NOW or 10 years from now change at all because of that? And grown kids don't stay "planted" any more than their parents do.
I don't think you can anticipate and plan for every eventuality. And you have no idea how much technology might change in 20 years. Make a commitment NOW that family connections are important and keep your family psychologically connected NOW - that will have the greatest impact on whether you feel connected (in spite of distance) in the future.
No need to borrow trouble...
You're right. I can't predict what my kids are going to want or where they're going to be.. or anything...
I haven't planned anything. Thinking about it.. of course... I think most people could benefit from thinking about their futures a little more, especially finances, but in other areas too... Maybe we will get to the point of planning (as defined by taking actionable steps towards a particular future goal) Maybe soon.. but maybe never...
I'll just say that the few regrets I have about life are about things I *didn't* do, not things (even crazy things) I did do. I do know that Fred Reed lives in Mexico, he's not in the best physical condition, he does fine. Your mileage may vary.
I hope it's that easy, clear and cut when the time comes. I would probably choose to come back to the States on my own. On his own my husband might wish to be in Mexico though.
Our kids could be anywhere as pointed out by another poster. Could be Mexico, US or even a different country... there is a history of international moves and marriages on both sides of the family...
bummer
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
