Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When with your friends, acquaintances, what do you converse/talk/chat about?
Well, when I'm with either one of my camera club groups or camera club friends away from the meetings we talk about cameras, trips/vacations, photos, photo subjects, contests, software, programs, techniques, photo classes and sometimes health. One of the groups is in a meeting room at a buffet so there's plenty of photography related chit chat before and after the actual meeting because of the way we are seated.
When I'm with my book group we talk about whatever nonfiction book subject we read that month. This month it was about introverts. When we go out to lunch afterward it's usually something about what's going on in town, what we've been reading lately, some documentary or tv program, sometimes politics, our retiree learning program, families.
When I'm with a C-D pal or two we mostly talk about other C-D posters.
When I'm online with friends in other states that I've known a long time it's catch up talk and photo sharing. You know, what's new blah, blah, blah.
When I was working, seemed like any conversations about work were people complaining or counting off the days to the next weekend; otherwise it was just typical stuff.
Now being retired, the people I meet up with seem to talk about the weather, what they've been up to, etc.
So the only difference now is that work is not one of the topics (unless it's to say we're happy we're no longer working).
I avoid politics like the plague, as that can be friendship killer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123
I like to talk politics...but ONLY with my friends who share MY viewpoint.
I also like to talk politics, but I try to handle the subject with great diplomacy and finesse. Always be civil, courteous, and respectful of the opposing point of view.
As a matter of fact I have several friends who told very contrasting opinions than mine.
I am a staunch liberal, and things like equality, generosity, women's and gay rights, environmentalism, reproductive choice, democracy, and fairness are very important to me. Having said that when I speak to my conservative friends I acknowledge and appreciate their support for our Constitutional right to have guns, their view that life begins at conception and that life has sanctity, financial responsibility, government restraint, etc. I tell them I understand the logic of those positions, and even agree with much of it. On the other hand I try to articulate my position in a way that might sound fair and logical to them as well ... or example, deregulating environmental laws might lead to more smog and polluted rivers and lakes; or being opposed to Marriage Equality for gay people is disrespecting their relationships and telling them they deserve to be second class citizens.
The world is not black and white. Do not patronize people who do not share your views; they arrived at their opinions the same way you arrived at yours. They might have had different life experiences from what you had.
I find conversations are getting more and more shallow as I age. New friends aren't so likely to want to share their old selves with you and they want to (or need to) keep their histories private. I miss conversations that start with 'I' and go deep. .
I'm finding this also as I age; conversations are *superficial*, shallow, non-involved topics.. which is fine for introductory conversation, meeting new people, and making acquaintences. But after that what?.. when people don't open up, get personally involved in a conversation; esp after I open up. I usually consider they're just another acquaintance to add to your list of forgetful people you run into everyday..
Most of the topics everyone here has mentioned.. weather, movies, gardening, pets, grandchildren, children, health, food, restaurants, vacations, areas to move to.. etc These are very non-committal topics that are generally shared by anyone and everyone. All are considered "safe" and acceptable conversation topics.
What I'm really wondering is.. are the majority of older people generally less trusting and more guarded than they were in their younger days? If so, why? Is it pride, competitiveness, or attempts at superiority in our older years? What makes people so guarded that they only feel safe discussing shallow things.
I too miss conversations that start with 'I' from the other person and go deep and talk about their histories; the good, the bad, and the realities of life we've lived and experienced. I want to hear their life stories; I want to share mine. I want to listen to people willing to open up, share and listen.
All the others are just "acquaintences" and I generally forget their names for the most part.
I like to talk politics...but ONLY with my friends who share MY viewpoint.
Oh, yes! I sure miss a good political conversation with people who mostly agree with me. It's so reassuring. Now I meet people from the far wing of the opposite party and they immediately assume I agree with THEM! It's hard to back gracefully out of those conversations...
I'm finding this also as I age; conversations are *superficial*, shallow, non-involved topics.. which is fine for introductory conversation, meeting new people, and making acquaintences. But after that what?.. when people don't open up, get personally involved in a conversation; esp after I open up. I usually consider they're just another acquaintance to add to your list of forgetful people you run into everyday..
Most of the topics everyone here has mentioned.. weather, movies, gardening, pets, grandchildren, children, health, food, restaurants, vacations, areas to move to.. etc These are very non-committal topics that are generally shared by anyone and everyone. All are considered "safe" and acceptable conversation topics.
What I'm really wondering is.. are the majority of older people generally less trusting and more guarded than they were in their younger days? If so, why? Is it pride, competitiveness, or attempts at superiority in our older years? What makes people so guarded that they only feel safe discussing shallow things.
I too miss conversations that start with 'I' from the other person and go deep and talk about their histories; the good, the bad, and the realities of life we've lived and experienced. I want to hear their life stories; I want to share mine. I want to listen to people willing to open up, share and listen.
All the others are just "acquaintences" and I generally forget their names for the most part.
You are right. When we converse with fairly new friends who are likewise older people, it's difficult to persuade them to really open up about anything beyond shallow topics anymore. Is the reason because people want to hide their pasts? Everyone acquires baggage along the way--more years, more baggage. Maybe it's because they have sad events in their past that they don't want to think about or share, or failings or disappointments. Or perhaps they are afraid to say their true feelings about a serious subject for fear of being made fun of or discounted. It takes time to build trust, which is sad in a way, because we have much less time left. Some people may be just plain tired of the serious side of life after so many years of holding down difficult jobs or raising kids and are ready for the "lighter side of life." That could be why places like "The Villages" are so popular. And also why old, dear friends are so deeply valued--we can trust them.
I think one reason may be because people become or are so gossipy. They hear one story from you and pass on that story to someone else only now it has been enhanced/changed and on and on it goes. After a while you stop talking about anything remotely personal until you really know someone and even then it happens. Part of the human condition or boredom or whatever.
I think one reason may be because people become or are so gossipy. They hear one story from you and pass on that story to someone else only now it has been enhanced/changed and on and on it goes. After a while you stop talking about anything remotely personal until you really know someone and even then it happens. Part of the human condition or boredom or whatever.
Good point. I hadn't thought of that... I did try to make a good women friend by the two of us having "girls' lunches" together. After the first lunch she told me she and her husband shared "everything." I knew then that anything I told her would be passed on to him. And he wasn't someone I wanted to know all my business. So I began to watch what I said and that actually defeated the purpose of the lunches, so I stopped setting them up. I no longer felt comfortable confiding in her.
Good point. I hadn't thought of that... I did try to make a good women friend by the two of us having "girls' lunches" together. After the first lunch she told me she and her husband shared "everything." I knew then that anything I told her would be passed on to him. And he wasn't someone I wanted to know all my business. So I began to watch what I said and that actually defeated the purpose of the lunches, so I stopped setting them up. I no longer felt comfortable confiding in her.
Yes, I have a next door neighbor like this. I avoid her as much as possible because things I told her have come back to me in brief discussions with her husband - not mundane things but more personal things.
I'm finding this also as I age; conversations are *superficial*, shallow, non-involved topics.. which is fine for introductory conversation, meeting new people, and making acquaintences. But after that what?.. when people don't open up, get personally involved in a conversation; esp after I open up. I usually consider they're just another acquaintance to add to your list of forgetful people you run into everyday..
Most of the topics everyone here has mentioned.. weather, movies, gardening, pets, grandchildren, children, health, food, restaurants, vacations, areas to move to.. etc These are very non-committal topics that are generally shared by anyone and everyone. All are considered "safe" and acceptable conversation topics.
What I'm really wondering is.. are the majority of older people generally less trusting and more guarded than they were in their younger days? If so, why? Is it pride, competitiveness, or attempts at superiority in our older years? What makes people so guarded that they only feel safe discussing shallow things.
I too miss conversations that start with 'I' from the other person and go deep and talk about their histories; the good, the bad, and the realities of life we've lived and experienced. I want to hear their life stories; I want to share mine. I want to listen to people willing to open up, share and listen.
All the others are just "acquaintences" and I generally forget their names for the most part.
i teach a course in the life long learning program for the u. of delaware called "converstions after fifty" the course consists of a discussion each week based on questions/topics presented by class members in the preceding weeks. some of the things we've discussed in past courses have been:
how friendships change as we age; how to make and keep meaningful friends
living in a long-term marriage- what are the challenges?
becoming a widow or divorcing after age 50
how do we feel about our own mortality
how do we want to age- staying where we are, in our own homes, in a '"retirement community"
do we have regrets- how to deal with them
the course is popular, i think, because people in the class can discuss those topics that are on their minds but are often not broached in conversations with casual friends. i have found the people who take this course to be generally articulate, thoughtful, and eager to discuss these issues with contemporaries. i think there is a desire on the part of many to have meaningful converstions , but in my own personal experience and in the experience of many who take the couse,this is often difficult in the relationships we have on an everday basis.
catsy girl
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yes!
