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I'm curious to know if anyone here has lived in a multigenerational family situation, and how that experience was. Perhaps you're the older generation and doing it now, or were a middle/younger generation and did it in the past. We're considering doing this with my mom, who at 75 is still quite healthy and super sharp, but whose body and strength is failing her. I'm almost 50 and still working -- will work for at least another 10 years. My husband is 63 and will retire from full-time work this year, but will still be running the back-office functions of a family business. We have no kids/adult kids/grandkids at home.
Right now mom is renting a condo about 3 miles/10 minutes from us. It's close enough that we can get there if needed, but I can see on the horizon that she will need more help with seemingly simple things (didn't have the strength to get the circuit breaker box open, for instance, and already needs us to stop by to carry in "heavy" groceries like cans of soda and bottles of juice, etc.). Even driving to run errands is becoming a hassle for her (uses a rollator, not interested in dealing with a motorized scooter) in that she'll often "want" to go out, but decides it's too much trouble so stays in.
We're not looking at cohabiting in the same home (i.e., mom moving into the guest room). We'd find a situation with two homes, or a distinct separate attached full home/apartment for mom (own entrance, kitchen, bath, laundry, etc.). We'd either build a casita at our current home or (more likely) sell and find a place already set up the way we want it. We're not in a position to pay for the additional space ourselves, so mom would have to contribute, which she (and my brother) are fine with her doing. But it does put a certain permanency to it once the costs are commingled.
If you've lived this way as the older generation, did you like it? Did it feel confining or isolated? If you were a younger generation, did the convenience of being able to help your parent outweigh the fear (or actuality) of being "stuck" in some way with the situation?
We had a little compound back in the 1950s/60s. We loved it. The houses are still there.
My maternal grandmother lived in the middle house, we were on one side in another and my uncle and his family on the other side. Other cousins lived a block over. I was not even 3 when my grandmother died, but I remember spending the night with her and eating her yummy cooking. She died suddenly on a trip visiting her sisters. We all remember those good times.
We had a little compound back in the 1950s/60s. We loved it. The houses are still there.
My maternal grandmother lived in the middle house, we were on one side in another and my uncle and his family on the other side. Other cousins lived a block over. I was not even 3 when my grandmother died, but I remember spending the night with her and eating her yummy cooking. She died suddenly on a trip visiting her sisters. We all remember those good times.
Sounds wonderful! But it wouldn't have worked so well in my own family, which was full of fighting, back-biting, resentment, and intolerance. I moved 2,000 miles away from my mother to go to grad school, pretty much on purpose, and stayed there. I considered it the perfect distance from her, as we could still visit in person, which we did, but the frequency was limited to about once every two years.
My mother moved in with my brother and the rest of us paid to have an in-law suite (bedroom, ADA bath, sitting room and kitchenette) built on to his house. She loves it and it works well for my brother's family too (she was there when the kids got out of school). Last year we added her own deck and screened in porch. They live about a block from the community center, just far enough for her to get a little exercise.
Very common with people in Amish communities. They have a daadi house for the older generation. Seems to work well with everyone looking out for everyone else.
I explored the Nextgen homes by Lennar where a small apt. is made part of the main house and connects by a door. Has a full kitchen, bedroom, bath, and a small outside area separate from the big yard of the main house. The houses started at 350 I think, and my daughter and son in law never really commited to the idea so we dropped it. I didn't feel like I was ready either for that life.
It sounds like it might work for situations where the parent is not one who will want to live with a bunch of strangers where someone else runs the place. It would provide a private place. After mom died, Dad and I couldn't manage to peacefully cohabit the family house so he ended up moving and sold the house. Sometimes no matter how much you love, sharing the same place without the peacemaker around just doesn't work.
I'd say the apartment would be defined as mom's private space, and you knocked and were invited in, and so forth just as if it was a seperate building.
For me that would be as close to a 'family sharing' that I could take. I'd probably get kicked out of one of these 'homes' for older people when I stayed up all night and went to bed in the morning. Just a dieheart night person.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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I works for some families. and 'adopted' families (sometimes ezr to do with friends than with family)
I keep a separate living space in each of my homes. (shop with apartment / cabin / RV spaces) + I buy the place next door and rent it out (in case I have a future need for it as a 'compound').
Eventually, I will be living in a guest house and my caregiver will have the big house.
Mine are all rural properties which can be ezr to keep multiple residences / shops.
When I was a child, in Ohio in the 50's, we lived in my grandmothers house..The second floor, which was usually
bedrooms, was turned into a kitchen, livingroom, 1 bedroom and a bathroom..my grandmother had the
bedroom...the 2 attic rooms were for my aunt and uncle. We slept, all 5 of us, in one room on the first floor
which was apparently a dining room. There were bunk beds for me and my brother, a crib for my baby brother,
and a full size bed for my parents. There was a toilet in the basement we could use as well as the one upstairs. It amazed me that
other kids on the block had a house with all bedrooms on the second floor. When my grandmother died I used
that bedroom...we moved about a year later, when I was 12, to California.
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