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When I read your posts, I had to do an investigation to make sure your husband wasn't me for there are so many similarities. My glass of water may be a little more half full than his may be half empty but that's only at this moment because things are constantly changing in our gracefully aging journey.
I totally relate to who he is and where his mind is. The best thing you can do at this chapter in his and your life is to show understanding of what are his concerns and feelings and not try to fix things. You can work on the fix-it part but only after you have shown understanding and validated his concerns and feelings even if you can't personally identify with them.
Judging by your posts, this may be very difficult for you to do. It is for me also.
I lost my father a couple years ago and it was all happening during my very busy work season. His will begin shortly and I can't imagine the thoughts in his mind that he might have some serious challenges in balancing his competing demands of a demanding tax season and an aging and needy father soon to meet his grim reaper.
For some, aging is tougher than others. He is gracefully aging whether he believes it or not. Remind him from time to time but be on guard that in doing so you don't come across as failing to show understanding for his concerns and feelings.
I know his archetype. I see "him" in the mirror each morning.
Bette, everyone has their own time line of when they know it's time to pull the plug. John went 6 months before I thought it was the right time but I supported him when he wanted out. I quit 12 years before my 70 year eligibility. There is no way I could hold on until age 70 or even 62 for that matter in a soul crushing, life sucking job. Money is important and necessary but there are ways to survive on less. There are also no guarantees that life won't throw you another curve ball and all that wasted life toiling away at work will be for not. One of our friends had his life planned to the last day of early retirement and a strict budget. He retired and his wife had an affair. She will be taking half of his earnings with her in the divorce. His plan has been totally destroyed and he has learned to survive on half of what his plan was. Life is more important then money. Let him live it before it's too late. Find a way to down size and live below your means.
I totally relate to who he is and where his mind is. The best thing you can do at this chapter in his and your life is to show understanding of what are his concerns and feelings and not try to fix things. You can work on the fix-it part but only after you have shown understanding and validated his concerns and feelings even if you can't personally identify with them.
Well said.
I'd go even farther than that and say that's the best thing to do at any chapter in your life. "Fixing" often causes more problems than it solves.
Bette, everyone has their own time line of when they know it's time to pull the plug. John went 6 months before I thought it was the right time but I supported him when he wanted out. I quit 12 years before my 70 year eligibility. There is no way I could hold on until age 70 or even 62 for that matter in a soul crushing, life sucking job. Money is important and necessary but there are ways to survive on less. There are also no guarantees that life won't throw you another curve ball and all that wasted life toiling away at work will be for not. One of our friends had his life planned to the last day of early retirement and a strict budget. He retired and his wife had an affair. She will be taking half of his earnings with her in the divorce. His plan has been totally destroyed and he has learned to survive on half of what his plan was. Life is more important then money. Let him live it before it's too late. Find a way to down size and live below your means.
I wonder if the OP's actual balance sheet is positive or negative. Not talking cash flow, talking actual assets and liabilities.
If the sheet is negative, maybe that's why hubby's starting to go negative.
Back in 2006/2007, we were adding to our positives.
Let me say again - the comment was not about him NOT working - it was about taking SS at 66 versus 70. He has always supported the age 70 (if one could hang in there).
I was able to go on SS the other night and he saw the difference. It's a very big difference and he seems fine now.
I think a lot of people have a set amount in their head....a weekend away will help. I just have to work super hard to get that done.
You talk of a sudden change. None of us have been intrusive & I don't believe any of us will.
My life changed drastically within 2 years. I was laid off at 55 but managed, between unemployment & part time temp jobs to hang on, until all our lives changed because the depression was in full bloom. I finally decided to declare bankruptcy.
Then a woman ran a red light & that was the end of life as I knew it. I was hurt more than came to light at the time. For 2 years I lived with a pinched sciatic nerve & finally was unable to walk. The insurance finally approved a MRI, when the pinched nerve & subsequent damage was discovered. I was 58 at that time.
It took until I was 61 to be finally approved for disability.
Everything about these things was life changing. Yes, I would gladly retire at 62, which I am now, but sure wish I had the use of my legs back. I can walk, but only with a cane or a walker & not very far.
Some point in time we realize it is time to stop the timeline and check out. Maybe now is the time for him.
Over the next 10 years, he will able to reduce his hours. Right now, he and I both work a lot of hours but that's OK.
He often mentions how his dad was forced into retirement (72) so that bothers him also. His dad worked at a government type job so off at 5 PM, no weekends, etc. My in-laws' life was way boring. They never did anything. Oh, yes, they travelled a couple of times but that was it. If it cost money, it was NO.
I know my husband needs to work on outside activities and becoming more social. He likes people but just from his upbringing, his parents were just really shy and quiet and never taught how to socialize.
We live close to our office so no commute time. We are grateful to have the work.
We remember 2010.
He would have to sell his business and it is his baby. Eventually, he'll find the right person to assist. He has a couple of people working for him.
I try to be encouraging, helpful and go on here to vent so I don't do it at the office or at home.
Good for you on that. You sound supportive and are trying to help him.
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Positive but....
