Sleeping Single in a Double Bed (beach, divorce, divorced, spouse)
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Why worry about what kids think? Get a whipping rack and some fuzzy cuffs and let their eyes bug out.
On a more serious note, please suggest that he have his snoring checked out in a sleep study. Sleep apnea is a VERY serious medical issue. DW had sleep apnea, and even with use of an APAP the damage that was building up in her lungs eventually led to her death. I think our sleeping together and my nudging when she got into breathing problems extended her life and quality of life.
Okay I really got a good laugh there! Great idea! I can relate to sleep apnea. I lay awake wondering if he's going to stop breathing. I've done all I can to convince him. He was working out and lost weight and it went away but he's reverted. Sorry about your wife. I've read about the lack of sufficient oxygen causing dementia, too and it's all so disturbing.
Tell the kids that he snores or she steals all the covers. Or just don't mention it at all. Although the whipping rack and fuzzy cuffs has some merit, too.
Been there, done that. SO had REM Sleep Disorder, plus sleep apnea. If you've never dealt with REM SD . . . they act out their dreams - complete with violence, leaping out of windows, and everything you can imagine.
When SO was diagnosed (and after I was punched in the face, and had my fingers dislocated in the middle of the night, plus being pummeled and kicked), the sleep doctor obviously said it was separate bedrooms, if we hadn't already done so. Which we had after the above episode. But at least now we knew what was going on. As a side note, the doc also said to remove knives and any other potential weapons from the house, and to put furniture in front of windows so he wouldn't jump out! Thank heaven he never tried.
So . . . the kids. They had no problem with it. We just told them we had reading/cuddle time together before wandering off to our own rooms. I think the "cuddle" part of it woke them up a bit. Wish I'd thought of the whipping rack and fuzzy cuffs - it would have been hilarious to see their reactions! I was into horses at the time - too bad I didn't think of bringing a dressage whip and spurs into the bedroom. That would have been priceless.
I, too, don't sleep well in a bed with someone else, even a quiet sleeper. So if I were ever to have another DH or SO (Mr. REM Sleep Disorder has passed on), I'd still go for separate bedrooms. The benefits of a good night's sleep can't be underrated. I do share the bed with a 16 pound dog, but she stays in her own bed on the other side at the foot and never moves or snores. Much better sleeping companion!
Location: Foothills of Maryland Blue Ridge mountains
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat
I'm posting this in Retirement because I think it's an "older person" phenomenon. (Plus I can't stand the thought of putting it in the "Romantic Relationship" section.) He's 51, I'm 55.
We have two identical, really comfortable queen sized beds. One in our room, one in the spare/guest room.
If I wanted to read in bed, I'd go to the spare room so as not to disturb him. I normally take something to help me sleep but there have been many nights I'd lay awake, listening to him snore and eventually move to the spare room. So now it's evolved into sleeping separately.
We're both better rested and are in better moods. (Despite the cat migrating with me. ) We don't get resentful over having our sleep disturbed by the other. And our love life has actually improved, oddly enough.
So I'm not really sure how to explain it to the various offspring (of his) who come by. It's a little embarrassing because it gives the impression that we're not "together" when in reality our relationship is better than ever. I haven't migrated my clothes, etc over so right now I just scour the room before they show up. I'd be fine moving the dresser because I leave earlier so I get clothes together and stage them outside of his room anyway to allow him to sleep as late as possible.
Any similar stories? Any suggestions on the kids? Really I can see this is going to get to the place where we just don't care what anyone else thinks - we love our life together. It's not a big house so the bedrooms are for sleeping. We spend as many waking hours together as possible.
If someone visits I can bunk with him.
Best thing we ever did. When we hit our 50s......between my hot flashes, his snoring and restless leg syndrome, when we woke we felt that we'd been fighting a battle all night. We tried separate rooms and finally felt human again. The kids were gone, so he took over a bedroom....moved all his things down there.
It's great. I stay up later to read and it takes me a long time to get to sleep. He's out like a light as soon as his eyes shut. And I like having my own room.
I didn't feel compelled to explain to anyone except the kids. It's no one's business. We clearly get along well. And besides, it's more common than you think.
My H and I sleep all over the house between a few bedrooms and a couple of sofas.
He has sleep issues; I sometimes fall asleep on the sofa watching tv. Sometimes, I'm a nightowl and the dog has taken over my spot so I go to the other room not to wake him and hubby. We both snore occasionally.
Our kids were raised not to ask personal questions like this so I don't really care what they are thinking as I will never have to deal with it.
Since they are all visiting from out of town, they probably don't even notice. When they are here, we usually share our master bedroom unless one of us ends up on the sofa.
That would have been a blessing when I was still married. He'd want to sleep, with the light out. I'd want to read. He'd claim that he was so 'super sensitive' that me going to bed woke him up. Then he'd decide to sleep all day and it was my fault I went in the room to get clothes. Of course we'd have hardly ever said much to each other.
When I bought my new bed after I moved, I got a queen size. I don't need floor space in the bedroom because I don't spend much waking time, but then there are the three dogs and the cats, and there's got to be room for them. My big shepard mix is knee high at the back, and he needs his space. I wouldn't say I sleep alone exactly, and the cats like to furrow under the covers and are nice soft little space heaters.
I think any relationship at any time of life needs each person to have a place that's theirs and hands off by anyone else. Even if its not a bedroom, its a place that's yours.
I'm posting this in Retirement because I think it's an "older person" phenomenon. (Plus I can't stand the thought of putting it in the "Romantic Relationship" section.) He's 51, I'm 55.
We have two identical, really comfortable queen sized beds. One in our room, one in the spare/guest room.
If I wanted to read in bed, I'd go to the spare room so as not to disturb him. I normally take something to help me sleep but there have been many nights I'd lay awake, listening to him snore and eventually move to the spare room. So now it's evolved into sleeping separately.
We're both better rested and are in better moods. (Despite the cat migrating with me. ) We don't get resentful over having our sleep disturbed by the other. And our love life has actually improved, oddly enough.
So I'm not really sure how to explain it to the various offspring (of his) who come by. It's a little embarrassing because it gives the impression that we're not "together" when in reality our relationship is better than ever. I haven't migrated my clothes, etc over so right now I just scour the room before they show up. I'd be fine moving the dresser because I leave earlier so I get clothes together and stage them outside of his room anyway to allow him to sleep as late as possible.
Any similar stories? Any suggestions on the kids? Really I can see this is going to get to the place where we just don't care what anyone else thinks - we love our life together. It's not a big house so the bedrooms are for sleeping. We spend as many waking hours together as possible.
If someone visits I can bunk with him.
We solved this problem by buying a king size bed, he sleeps in a memory foam eyemask by Brookstone (NapForm Eye Masks at Brookstone), and I use earplugs.
We also have a temperpedic mattress and use bamboo pillows.
I'm sure both of us would fight to the death over the bed.
All three cats also sleep with us.
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I lay awake wondering if he's going to stop breathing. I've done all I can to convince him. He was working out and lost weight and it went away but he's reverted. Sorry about your wife. I've read about the lack of sufficient oxygen causing dementia, too and it's all so disturbing.
) We don't get resentful over having our sleep disturbed by the other. And our love life has actually improved, oddly enough. 
