Pressure from family members - thinking about future

[otterhere]

Even without reading the original post, this one's easy. It's you're life; do what you want.

[otterhere]

Originally Posted by Nightengale212

When my father passed away 6 years ago and my mother 4 years prior my sister and I inherited their home. The home was a cute 1950s ranch, and although my parents keep things like the roof, boiler, and other mechanics in perfect shape, aside from periodic new wall to wall carpeting the house was essentially unchanged since the 50s. Our very good agent suggested to my sister and I that we list the house "as is" at a fair market price because the house was in a very nice neighborhood and that was it's selling point. Within a few days of listing the house we got two full price offers and one above which we took. The woman who purchased the home told us at closing she was thrilled we did no renovations because she very much wanted a "50s" in and out styled home, and all she planned to do was pull up the carpets as there were beautiful hardwoods underneath. She also told us although we did not remember her, she had come to the yard sale we had to get rid of the unwanted furniture and other stuff in the home, and she was the person who purchased the formica dining room table and chairs that my parents put in their basement 40 years ago after they purchased a new set. My sister and I could not believe that old formica dining room set would end up back in our parents dining room after all these years. As the say, one person's junk is another person's treasure.

Bette, I share this story with you to consider not going overboard renovating, get the mechanics taken care of because you never know someone may love your old look too.

Hope all comes together for you.

I'm curious if the realtor LISTED it "as is" or just advised you to sell it without making changes to it, because the former is really reserved for distressed properties; it's a red flag to any buyer. Merely "not updated" isn't necessarily a bad thing, as you saw demonstrated.

[Bette]

Originally Posted by parentologist

Unless the FIL needs the money, or really wants you to pay it back, do NOT pay it back! Bad, bad, bad idea! VERY BAD IDEA! Your husband is the only heir. Your FIL may at some time need nursing home care, may spend down all his money, and wind up with Medicaid paying for the nursing home. All the money husband paid back, will wind up going to the government. Also, if FIL has substantial money, inheritance will be taxed (and the inheritance tax laws could change in the future for the worse). So if FIL really wants money back, pay him. Otherwise, put all your other debt first. Have a frank discussion with FIL about all your debt, the tax consequences, etc. and let him decide.

It sounds like your husband is not happy with the condition of the house, or he wouldn't have invited sister over to see it. Frank discussion with him about condition of the house, and what can/should be done, is in order. First, declutter. Amazing how much better you will feel if you can do this. Second, fix things that cause deterioration if neglected - roof, siding, chimney, mechanicals, etc. if needed. The LAST thing to spend money on now is redecorating if you have all this debt! If you don't want to move, and don't need to move, don't! But it sounds like you need to figure out what will make your husband happy - something is not right if he is inviting sister over for decorating ideas against your wishes.

As of last July, 2015, my husband has POA for his father. My FIL is remembering less and less each week.
No such conversation will occur. We are just putting that money "aside" as if we were paying it back.

He will not ever be eligible for Medicaid. My husband is on all his dad's accounts and his home so we have worked around the tax issue plus it's under that magic number anyway.

The windows treatments were destroyed by our collie dog (now age 2). He is a chewer. I think my husband thought this one window treatment could now be replaced since the dog was close to 2.

As far as declutter, we have very little to do there. The stuff is cosmetic - window treatments, blinds, shades, carpet in one room would all make the place so much better. I plan to do that. I didn't want to spend the funds until I got the debt paid off but I have another way to do it. It has to come from me so the pressure is on for sure. The kitchen and baths are where we have to update.

I will have the debt paid off by June 2016 and I will lose 25 more pounds by June. I'm trying to do 4 pounds a month so that is realistic. I've probably been a little grouchy also. LOL.

[BayAreaHillbilly]

Originally Posted by Bette

Background:
Live in a single family home; great neighbors; new families moving in; development has 350 homes; about 6 sell per year. Friendly place; we are content with the home; built in 1980's (not by us) - we have lived there since 1994 - 2nd owner (children lived there until 2013). Still a room for the adult child who lives out of state (she decorated it and she wants it that way!)

2 adult children; independent; on their own; both own homes; not in relationships (one near us; one NYC/NJ). The one out of state visits approximately 4 times a year.

Grew up basically where we are now. Siblings and their adult children all close by. We have one parent left who is 93 - he is still in his single family home (refuses to move) but now has caregivers full time.
Total family members nearby - 20 to 25 (all friendly, we all get along)

Work Life: Both husband and wife self employed. No desire to leave Florida but would consider other parts of Florida at some point. We have had to work a lot of hours to make up for a disasterous event that changed our lives - it took away 8 years and close to $300K which we are trying to pay back. We are down to about $220K. We work about 90 hours a week and are very focused on our goals and trying to get back to where we were in 2007. We had dreams, had been conservative in spending/saving and for what?

Pets: We have three. Two shelties and our big guy who has destroyed drywall and window treatments (collie). They are all rescues - all get along really well but the collie came to us as a puppy and he is now 2. He has calmed down.

Housing/Future housing: About 3 years ago, our daughter decided that we were ready to move to a condo. No offense but I've done that and do not have pleasant memories (it was a typical old 1970's condo, catwalk type, laundry downstairs). I was early 20's, only thing I could buy and afford. My husband is not a fan. I guess if you lived near the ocean, 3 plus bedrooms, pets, etc. Not in our price range. We had these issues going on and were able to stop the discussion b/c of those unresolved items.

Those items now resolved - my personal goals for 2016 - get debt (certain portion - 60K) paid off, lose 40 pounds and be able to either get a renovation loan or pay as we go for needed work on our current home. We have not done anything in 8 years. The home looks it. It is embarrassing to say the least.
No one really comes to our house in the family b/c we are usually at the office and their homes are nicer, more updated, etc. Plus my sibs are super social people, tons of friends and it's hard to get them away from their groups/circles. We all get along really well and all criticism is well meaning. I understand that.

I asked my husband not to do this but he did this. He asked one of my sibs (she is a decorator) to get us some window treatments and she came over today. She was shocked at the condition of the home. I had no notice but for 10 minutes. She is now planning our next move (LOL) and thinks we should sell our current home as is (with minimal fix up) since prices are good again and then buy in her neighborhood which are attached townhomes. I like her neighborhood; she is like the "social director" and it's really a nice place but I'm not ready for this. Like I said, she is well meaning.

Then, I mentioned maybe we might consider another part of Florida after FIL passes on but that could be 7 years; could be 10; who knows? I mentioned The Villages; she was like "The Villages is great but why would YOU want The Villages? Etc - went on and on.

So, in closing, were you pressured by family to do something like move elsewhere and how did that turn out?

Also, I feel the perception of us is wrong - everyone thinks we just want to work all the time. One of my goals is to lessen the hours worked over time, cut the debt, lose the weight, renovate the current home and then work on a social life. But, am I too late? We are right around 60 but look younger.

Or, did any of you actually fix up your existing home and find it so peaceful? (PS - We do love our current home but it needs work - 100K).

You may or may not be a fan of of these two, this is just to get thoughts started - the thing to do is ask yourselves "what would Suze do?" or "what would Dave (Ramsey) do?"

I reckon both of them would say to flip your own house. Do the minimal repairs to make it saleable and move into what you can actually afford based on your current numbers. Why I wrote this:

"We are down to about $220K. We work about 90 hours a week"

and

"get debt (certain portion - 60K) paid off"

Any new glitches happen (and look at the markets and current macro trends, need I say more?) and you are completely hosed.

You need more financial buffer ... ASAP!

[augiedogie]

Seems that you are suffering something typical of this age group. Inertia. It takes effort to change course, do things different, break old habits, lose weight etc. You are talking a bunch of changes in a short period of time. But then you say you want to stay in the same place? You and your husband need to make up your minds what you want to do TOGETHER, and then go with it. Losing 40 lbs is a great idea. I lost 20 last year myself, but I warn you, at this age, its more work than you might think. You'll need to exercise too, and change you cooking and eating habits. Maybe get that accomplished this year and talk over with your husband what you both want to do. It might require some compromise.