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Not this parent. My kid is a happy, healthy, and self supporting. However, I still think it's a risky career choice. I never expect them to be doctor or dentist, forget about lawyer, they are the poor ones nowadays. I think I would worry if mine decides to become lawyer. Lol.
My only wishes/hopes for my kids (b/g twins, 22 now) have always been that they grow to become good citizens and live a life in which they are happy. So far, this has been accomplished. My son is pursuing his phd in a field he’s so interested in and for the most part self supporting, living on a stipend and fellowship. He’s happy. His twin lives with me and has had medical issues which have affected her life, but she rolls with things as they are and moves on. She's working part time in a job she loves and attends college part time. She's happy, too.
I have no kids. My mom always told us kids (adults) that she was proud of all of us. She was a divorced mom who worked as a waitress to support the 5 of us. We all got jobs and contributed to our own upkeep as soon as we were in high school. We all moved out of the house pretty much at 18 or 19. None graduated college, but we all were continuously employed our entire lives. None were arrested. None got into drugs, more than the occasional bit of pot. None had mental issues. None disappeared or became estranged. We all married and divorced once, one divorced twice. We are all happily retired now, with the exception of my sis who passed away at 45.
I think mom did alright. Was she a perfect mom? Far from it! Did she demand respect and commitment to the family, absolutely. All my sibs that have kids, their kids are the same as we were, hardworking, honest, pretty much law abiding sorts that you don't have to worry about.
Yes, not so much that kids turned into lawyers, doctors or entrepreneurs, but that they followed the parent's teachings and morals and became good honest citizens.
Without going into detail, I can say I am shocked at what I have learned about one of my kids recently. Events occurred in High School, which I never knew about, because she never told me (us). This has tainted her whole life, her choice of men, her relationships with people, her moods, her marriage, and the way she deals with stress. Now, I thought we had a very good, honest relationship and I was always there for her. Now I see there was some flaw in my parenting that did not let me recognize a child in trouble.
It's all after the fact now and leads me to believe we probably do not know all that we should about our kids. Adolescence especially is difficult. Some survive and grow stronger. Some don't.
Yes, not so much that kids turned into lawyers, doctors or entrepreneurs, but that they followed the parent's teachings and morals and became good honest citizens.
Without going into detail, I can say I am shocked at what I have learned about one of my kids recently. Events occurred in High School, which I never knew about, because she never told me (us). This has tainted her whole life, her choice of men, her relationships with people, her moods, her marriage, and the way she deals with stress. Now, I thought we had a very good, honest relationship and I was always there for her. Now I see there was some flaw in my parenting that did not let me recognize a child in trouble.
It's all after the fact now and leads me to believe we probably do not know all that we should about our kids. Adolescence especially is difficult. Some survive and grow stronger. Some don't.
Yes, it might have been "some flaw" in your parenting, but not necessarily. It is possible you are being too hard on yourself. I believe that the strength of the genetic contribution to the behavior of children and adolescents is commonly underestimated. Some people do poorly and make horrible choices despite a loving and nurturing home environment supported by good examples set by the parents.
These things are ultimately great mysteries in my opinion, at least much of the time. Sure, we can be witnesses to horrible parenting, where there is no doubt that a particular parent should never have had children, but that's not what I am talking about here. And conversely, some children turn out well who came from horrendous backgrounds. Genetics.
Naturally, I cannot know exactly what the situation was when you were raising your children. It is my belief that frequently even direct observers (neighbors, relatives, teachers) cannot know. Again, great mysteries.
Or are you disappointed that one or two are not what you hoped for? Have they used their talents and upbringing to their advantage? Are you proud of them? Are they living lives that you think are worthwhile and good for them?
I ask because I recently became aware of a big lie in my family, with a grown child. I knew there were issues but now I see that either her upbringing or my parenting was not what she needed. I take responsibility for this but am clueless as to how to reconcile this in her life. Frankly, I think it's too late and now the ball is in her court. She has made terrible relationship choices and I am sad about this. But, she is an adult and now I have to butt out.
Disappointments are a fact of life. But it is really disheartening.
Parenthood scares the hell out of me. I am middle-aged from Generation X and never got married. I have many relatives and friends who did (and got divorced or had parenthood nightmares). Parenthood seems to have the potential of zapping all sense of logic and appreciation (in some cases). I have witnessed parental pain and burnout many, many times. Why would one rapidly sign up for something like that?
Location: Unlike most on CD, I'm not afraid to give my location: Milwaukee, WI.
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My kids turned out great. Smart, motivated, good-looking, and kind to people.
Both are college-degreed professionals doing well. Older daughter married a great guy and they have little twin daughters now. Younger one got burned by a guy so now is a little wary and raised her standards, so having trouble finding a suitable boyfriend though she really, really wants one.
Good daughters who I am quite proud of. Some of my acquaintances haven't fared so well with their offspring. Everything from a heroin OD death to out-of-wedlock pregnancies.
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