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Hey op,
so in the last 5 years I have lost my wonderful husband of 29 years, my baby brother and one of my best friends to cancer. ALL before they turned 55.
That has taught me first hand that life is short and it is up to us to make our own happiness. Now you cannot change your children's behavior. for whatever reason, they have chosen not to participate in you and your husbands life.
So if it were me I would not move trying to be "closer" to your kids. Maya Angelou said it best "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". they have shown you who they are.
I would stay where you are and concentrate on doing what brings you and your husband happiness, as others have said investigate where you two can get the best help for aging and when you're life will be good.
Coincidence: I just met 2 couples in the past 10 days who moved to be closer to their kids and now they are back here. For whatever reason they said "it just didn't work out."
It is not just an issue of the kids stepping up to help. Do you really want to burden family members with elder care issues? Are they going to be of help when you need medical care, especially long term care? Your kids have their own lives and responsibilities.
Before I answer the OP, folks, she and her husband lived in South Carolina. They know what Myrtle Beach is like. The humidity would be a killer for me but I'm not her. Give her credit for having done the planning.
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Originally Posted by cathwilms
Soooo, how far do you live from nearest family member and do you worry about what might happen later?
I live 750 miles from the nearest family member, my spouse. Aside from him, it's 1300 miles to the nearest blood relatives, who would be no help at all anyway and besides, I feel the same way about them.
I do think about what might happen later. I'm 64 too, and in fair health. My HMO wants me to schedule a colonoscopy, as it's been ten years. I told them I can't do that because I have no one to take me home afterwards. I know it's going to continue to be a series of things like that and they'll increase in severity as the years go by.
Oh, I expect I'll make friends here eventually. But it might be a while before I find my tribe.
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Do we throw caution to the wind and live our last years out where and how we want to live?
I can't determine that for you but after years of pondering that very question I decided, "Heck, YES!"
And elder life is not an all or nothing situation. We found mom a lovely senior independent apartment in a large well maintained if older community. Has some great things for elders like inside mail and garbage, planned activities, all utilities paid, and a bus service (since it is a large community and many dont drive). Here she pays around $800 for a large one bedroom apartment. She does not drive but has developed friendships with people who do and we are 20 minutes away. They have several companies that can provide services on an as needed basis when the need arises, such as health care aid, etc.
It does not have to be own a home or go into an expensive assisted living home. Look around carefully for housing in the climate you want and dont be too rigid on exactly what city. There are many types and costs.
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