Adult Children relationship

[Mayvenne]

I remembered a thread of this type on the forum and I just decided to do a search. I only read the last several replies though I suspect over time I have read them all.
I can only say it's a very evolving situation. Sometimes you think you are in one situation and then find out it's not quite there where you thought. Give it a few more months and you're back.
Constantly evolving and often with no apparent rhyme or reason.

[NYgal1542]

Mayvenne: Thank you for what you wrote ^^^^^^^^^ . So very well said.

I've been ruminating today about my life...... what could I have done better.

Why wasn't I a better mother? Or is it really my fault? My kids are in their 50s.

This time of year brings back memories of years gone by.

[cb2008]

I made this post in Nov more than a year ago. NOv is always a dark month for me, may be it is the diminishing sunlight hours. Since then my son has married a very nice girl we all love and we visited them in the new house he had bought. They seem content and happy. That makes me happy.


But now it is my grandson who is breaking my heart. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and has become addicted. Now it is my daughter's turn to doubt her parenting and that makes me so sad because she is a great parent.
There have been some very wise, beautiful, and compassionate responses here and I want thank you for that. Human bonds are hard, they cause as much suffering as they bring joy.

[Bette]

Originally Posted by BBCjunkie

I think it comes down to what the expectations are on both sides (parent and adult child.) I know with my son that once he was out of college, working and had his own house and a live-in girlfriend, our in person interactions dropped from once a week to once every 5 or 6 weeks. I think sometimes we as retired parents forget how chock-full of demands the life of a 30-something typically is. I have found -- and I hear this from almost all my friends with adult children -- that once they are out of the house their parent(s) are often out of the loop. Not cut off, mind you, but just much less engagement than existed while they were still living at home. And these are all people whose offspring live anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour away. So I don't think the distance is the controlling factor. It's more like whether your expectations (about interactions) and that of your offspring are a match or not.

It also depends on the circumstances under which you and they interact. For example, would you rather see your son more often but only when it seems he needs some measure of your time (i.e., that he asks for a favor)? That can easily happen when adult children live close by. You get calls from your fulltime working offspring like "Can you come over and wait for the plumber/cable guy/etc who says he'll be there between 1 and 3 pm?" or "If you're going to be in the area anytime in the next week could you please pick up (whatever item) at that store near you and drop it off on the back porch? By the time I get home from work they are closed" or "Can I borrow your [name of tool etc]" and so forth. So you end up feeling as if you're being used because you're conveniently nearby. On the other hand, a faraway offspring won't be doing any of that.

So I think it's a combination of individual personalities and family dynamics. Some families spent a lot of time together just hanging out but others don't, and some family members call "just to chat" for no particular reason, while others don't.

Just my two cents. :-)

Still working and I work a lot but I'm the one to call my son and say the service guy will be at the house between 9 and 11 AM, can you go over and while you're there, can you walk the 3 dogs? (He does it gladly but now, he works for me part time so I need him here).

So far, that part is going great.

He has always been an amazing young man but I think now, he is a lot more respect for what I do and for me because he has now seen it.

The other adult child visited us for Christmas, stayed 8 days and I got all my wishes. Having her stay with us (and her wife) and their dog was a gift. All 3 were a delight to have. They live in NYC and most all relatives live by us.

I could tell this time it was hard for her to leave. She really enjoyed seeing her aunts and cousins and they all acted like they saw each other yesterday, like no time had melted away.

We're more in a tourist area where lots of people come to visit so there is a lot to do.

Just was reading this thread and came across this while my husband is doing his compliance educaqtion.
So much for Saturday night LOL.