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It's easy to get tangled up in others' problems when you're literally living within fifteen minutes of each other.
No, it's not if you set boundaries. I know plenty of people who live 10 to 15 minutes away from family members and do not get sucked into their drama and do not enable them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by historyfan
If you are busy living your own life, you won't be as apt to get sucked in. Take some online classes, learn a foreign language, start running 5ks, or write a book.
However you do this, SC, you will have to set boundaries to avoid getting sucked in.
Have a serious talk with your dad, but don't expect too much to happen. Stop dropping by so often. Occasionally, turn your phone off, if they are calling you too much.
You are their habit, their way of getting things done they don't want to do themselves.
I do agree that if your mom retires early, those two will be poor, and I don't know if your mom can give up her shopping habit.
Skimming this thread and wondering - what autoimmune disease does she have?
I suggest she have a complete physical - including thyroid check... and wrestle her away from her doctors who are not treating her well.
After that? Stop enabling her.
I am 65 and just retired and I told myself I was going to do nothing for at least a year......just because I was tired and recovering from a broken ankle and a lot of stress from work. But I expect to pickup after that year and make some changes to my life.
I truly don't mind to help, but what I'm getting frustrated with is the endless recliner sitting while everyone else works. She's hourly and has a desk job. I'm salaried exempt and have far more responsibility than she's ever had. Dad is hourly but has a physical job. As soon as mom gets in, it's sit in that chair and maybe warm up a can of Chef Boyardee while I'm still working, then I'm expected to come over and help her.
Dad thinks once she retires she'll get to feeling better and won't be so sedentary once she gets rested. My guess is she'll become even more sedentary with nothing to keep her going, and that it won't be long until I find her dead in that chair.
Thoughts?
I think she needs to see a mental health counselor....
My mother wanted to help with chores, but she was 84 and going alzheimer's on me. So I'd suggest the counseling...Oh for BOTH of them as your Father has to put his foot down and tell her to get active.
I think her food choices need to radically change to healthy nutritional food FIRST, before anything else.
Her level of energy, outlook on life, ability to function well and better both physically and mentally, and mental health all start with dropping the reliance on solely (or mostly) fast food, junk food, and Chef Boyardee.
I've got a thread over on caregiver forum that spans 5 years where I detailed watching my partner of 28 years do just what your mom is doing. Same age, sedentary job, sat in the recliner from the time she got up until she went to bed.
She basically "sat down" on life. No amount of education, prodding, tough love, nothing could change her. She refused any counseling, medical care, anything. My life with her was a living hell for many years.
One day, sitting in her chair, she had a massive stroke at age 66. She spent 3 months in hospital, rehab, and nursing home before she came home on home health care. She could not get up and walk much and what little progress she made got set back because she just quit trying.
After 2 years, her heart deteriorated further and she became bedbound in hospice and died within 4 months. And it was a horrific death.
This is what happened to her when she just sat down.
Dont do for her or she wont do for herself. Stay out of it. She is not going to change, believe me, and you will only run your health down in the next 20 years if she lives that long.
Go read my thread about living with a diabetic. I got a lot of the same advice you are getting and none of it worked. They will change when they are ready and there is nothing you can do to make them. Tragic but true.
LOL. Doing “ nothing for a year” is a fast track to doing nothing, ever.
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