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Here the progression is cuzzin'/sis, followed by auntie, followed by tutu.
When people first started calling me Auntie is was traumatic.
I'll probably have a break down at my first Tutu.
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Now that I'm in my 70's, and knew many people who didn't make it to this age, I have a bit of gratitude that I am still alive. I try to make the best of every day. Worry and regrets are a waste of time. You can call me old and I won't feel insulted. I am old.
An elder is one who is wiser due to having seem some (or much) of the turning of the wheel before.
My teenage grandkids and their friends will often stop over to talk to me about their latest teen drama and ask me for advice. One of the bunch asked me how I knew so much and I just told them..
"In order to become old and wise, one must first be young and stupid"
Mr5150: I was so sorry to read your post. Terrible loss, one that will hurt forever. My condolences to you and family.
My current mental state is excellent. As some have written about their own circumstances, my life has been a difficult one. The difficult part is behind me. Still have problems with kids, but after all this time, it just doesn't matter anymore.
It really does feel good when I stopped banging my head against a brick wall.
[quote=nobodysbusiness;55711086]Just wondering how elders on this forum are *feeling* . . .
First of all, I can own "elder" with no problems.
After a lifetime of experiences, what is your current state of happiness and mental wellness?
My state of contentment is pretty stable, how happy I am varies with day to day events. Mental wellness is somewhat of a problem in that I have two conditions which make my equilibrium unstable when standing. This causes confusion sometimes, and while lack of proper balance can be dangerous the confusion can be very upsetting if I do not stop and get the equilibrium problem under control and act with more deliberation and less haste. Otherwise mental wellness is not a problem.
Are you a good coper? Have you always been resilient?
I have always been a great endurer, but that is not the same as good coping and not as healthy by any means. Once I came to the end of enduring, I was always able to pick up whatever pieces were left and go on again.
Maybe you have had an easy life with few traumas.
My parents were each unsatisfiable, each always managed to weigh me in the balance and find me wanting despite any positive achievements...and they did not even use the same scales. I did very well in education, but had zero confidence. I had internalized the idea that I was always inadequate to superiors. For the first twenty years of life after living with my parents I had a horrible job history (with one exception), and became thoroughly alcoholic. But I had endured being loser to my parents, and I endured screwing up life on my own, including a year plus stretch living in a cockroach infested SRO for young losers and alcoholic pensioners. But with every failure I simply turned my back and started over in one fashion or another. (Good in some respects, but a supremely lousy way to deal with alcoholism.)
Maybe you have been through the wringer.
Yes, as above. At age 41 I joined AA and never drank again, except for work and AA meetings I stayed at home for a year before I would dare go out and socialize again. I then had a great life for a few years, many friends, well-liked and an excellent staff member in a highly politicized work environment.
I volunteered as what was called a Crisis Intervention Worker in the AIDS epidemic where I was assigned to clients with an expected terminal diagnosis - some required constant cleaning of feces and puke, tubes reinserted that they had absent-mindedly pulled out, infusions - while others wanted simply new company or in a couple of cases a confidant/brother/confessor relationship totally separate from their customary family and friends associations with whom they could dump all their concerns without having to worry about protecting their loved ones from pain. These people were the objects of hatred such as I had never seen before, at first because most were gay men with this new disease, but then the children and the heterosexual women as well...all reviled and treated loathesomely by the righteous and the holy of America. I worked 9 to 5, then did this work afterward and on weekends for seven years. All of my assignments died, but one. The fact that I had made a chaotic mess out of my own life with twenty years of alcoholism, now turned out to be an asset because I could walk into almost any ugly situation with these people, whether physical or social, and just deal with it more than react to it. However, about three years into this I realized that I was doing my enduring act by the skin of my teeth day after day. I needed ballast and found it unexpectedly with a minority religious group, and it has remained the gyroscope of my life since then.
Then I was part of a large layoff where I worked, and three days before my last day of employment had a serious accident as I arrived at work. Thus, I was unemployed and partially disabled...and to my chagrin and dismay found myself at the mercy of the Workers Comp system as the fact that the accident had occurred at work pushed any other insurance coverage off the table...and the WC system is a very adversarial one. And my adversary was the City of New York. Lots of luck, sucker. Four years later and no medical solution in sight, I did something grossly illegal to get an operation....was prepared to pay the price, and through a bureaucratic fluke plus amazing luck escaped clean. After about two years, I gave away my furniture (kept my books and music) and emigrated to Europe by myself.
How are you doing now after all of it?
Surprisingly, including to my own surprise, I never had even a second of trepidation or regret for making the move. Again, probably a lifetime of enduring and then beginning again just kicked in. Like Edith Piaf's song lyrics I had paid for the past, swept it away, forgotten it and began again at zero. I traveled, I have lived in several places and settled where I live now, made new friends - most of whom have pre-deceased me despite being younger or moved away. And I have become older, increasingly infirm and still enjoy my life reading, listening to music, sitting in neighborhood cafes, talking with neighbors and taking half-hour walks in the very early morning to hear the birds, the wind, smell the flowers and trees. "....And should you awaken again at daylight, be born anew. If you have illness, be born with illness."
Just wondering how elders on this forum are *feeling* . . .
First of all, I can own "elder" with no problems.
After a lifetime of experiences, what is your current state of happiness and mental wellness?
My state of contentment is pretty stable, how happy I am varies with day to day events. Mental wellness is somewhat of a problem in that I have two conditions which make my equilibrium unstable when standing. This causes confusion sometimes, and while lack of proper balance can be dangerous the confusion can be very upsetting if I do not stop and get the equilibrium problem under control and act with more deliberation and less haste. Otherwise mental wellness is not a problem.
Are you a good coper? Have you always been resilient?
I have always been a great endurer, but that is not the same as good coping and not as healthy by any means. Once I came to the end of enduring, I was always able to pick up whatever pieces were left and go on again.
Maybe you have had an easy life with few traumas.
My parents were each unsatisfiable, each always managed to weigh me in the balance and find me wanting despite any positive achievements...and they did not even use the same scales. I did very well in education, but had zero confidence. I had internalized the idea that I was always inadequate to superiors. For the first twenty years of life after living with my parents I had a horrible job history (with one exception), and became thoroughly alcoholic. But I had endured being loser to my parents, and I endured screwing up life on my own, including a year plus stretch living in a cockroach infested SRO for young losers and alcoholic pensioners. But with every failure I simply turned my back and started over in one fashion or another. (Good in some respects, but a supremely lousy way to deal with alcoholism.)
Maybe you have been through the wringer.
Yes, as above. At age 41 I joined AA and never drank again, except for work and AA meetings I stayed at home for a year before I would dare go out and socialize again. I then had a great life for a few years, many friends, well-liked and an excellent staff member in a highly politicized work environment.
I volunteered as what was called a Crisis Intervention Worker in the AIDS epidemic where I was assigned to clients with an expected terminal diagnosis - some required constant cleaning of feces and puke, tubes reinserted that they had absent-mindedly pulled out, infusions - while others wanted simply new company or in a couple of cases a confidant/brother/confessor relationship totally separate from their customary family and friends associations with whom they could dump all their concerns without having to worry about protecting their loved ones from pain. These people were the objects of hatred such as I had never seen before, at first because most were gay men with this new disease, but then the children and the heterosexual women as well...all reviled and treated loathesomely by the righteous and the holy of America. I worked 9 to 5, then did this work afterward and on weekends for seven years. All of my assignments died, but one. The fact that I had made a chaotic mess out of my own life with twenty years of alcoholism, now turned out to be an asset because I could walk into almost any ugly situation with these people, whether physical or social, and just deal with it more than react to it. However, about three years into this I realized that I was doing my enduring act by the skin of my teeth day after day. I needed ballast and found it unexpectedly with a minority religious group, and it has remained the gyroscope of my life since then.
Then I was part of a large layoff where I worked, and three days before my last day of employment had a serious accident as I arrived at work. Thus, I was unemployed and partially disabled...and to my chagrin and dismay found myself at the mercy of the Workers Comp system as the fact that the accident had occurred at work pushed any other insurance coverage off the table...and the WC system is a very adversarial one. And my adversary was the City of New York. Lots of luck, sucker. Four years later and no medical solution in sight, I did something grossly illegal to get an operation....was prepared to pay the price, and through a bureaucratic fluke plus amazing luck escaped clean. After about two years, I gave away my furniture (kept my books and music) and emigrated to Europe by myself.
How are you doing now after all of it?
Surprisingly, including to my own surprise, I never had even a second of trepidation or regret for making the move. Again, probably a lifetime of enduring and then beginning again just kicked in. Like Edith Piaf's song lyrics I had paid for the past, swept it away, forgotten it and began again at zero. I traveled, I have lived in several places and settled where I live now, made new friends - most of whom have pre-deceased me despite being younger or moved away. And I have become older, increasingly infirm and still enjoy my life reading, listening to music, sitting in neighborhood cafes, talking with neighbors and taking half-hour walks in the very early morning to hear the birds, the wind, smell the flowers and trees. "....And should you awaken again at daylight, be born anew. If you have illness, be born with illness."
Wonderful, thoughtful, poignant response - thanks for sharing a slice of your life.
Right now my mental state is "almost content". Been through a lot both physically and emotionally in the last 9 years. I'm almost at a point where things seem to be leveling out. My mother's funeral is tomorrow and then I hope I can back to a normal state of being.
My mom was having her 85th birthday. I asked her how it felt to be 85?
She replied sadly, 'your kids are so damn old'. My brother had just received his first SS payment. it was hard on her.
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