Why is it embarrassing to get old? (physically, moving, state)
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I think about this sometimes when I see comedians or whoever make fun of people for being old...but what really made me start thinking about it was a man in my moms ALF. I worked for a school district from 2000-2005. One of the principals from an elementary school whose students I worked with is now a resident of my moms ALF. This man was bigger than life type. The first time I saw him at my moms place, he was in a wheelchair falling asleep at the table. I see him every time I’m there now, always in the chair.
I walk by him like I don’t know him, and I can’t help thinking if I did go up to him, he’d be embarrassed that I’m seeing him like this, in this new state of being for him. I feel bad for thinking it, but I can’t hrlp it.
What do people think? Why are we so loathe to confront life as it happens? Do you think I should say hi to him or no? Am I bring ridiculous?
By all means, say hello. Be ready to tell him a couple stories that made him memorable to you. If he's lucid, I'm pretty sure he'd welcome the contact. If he isn't, what have you got to lose? You might just make his day!
You could regret it if you do not say hello.
My sister was in a nursing home and one time when I was visiting her, I walked around the floor she was on. To my surprise there were two men I knew from a place I used to work. They were both semi-reclined in their wheelchairs. Neither could speak. I knew one of them from high school as well as work and I knew a couple of his sisters. I didn't know what to do either. But as I walked by the one I was more familiar with started moving in his chair and making a noise, probably trying to get my attention. I'm not real proud of myself, I just kept walking.
He and the other man died within a few years.
I have regretted my rudeness ever since I saw them in the hall. There are times when my behavior disappoints me.
Something to remember is when someone is in a state like that, they can feel lonely. And if they are able, they can feel sad and miss their "old" selves. People in nursing homes get very few visitors, if any.
Why do you think people are embarrassed about being old? Is it something they had any control over? Something they could have avoided if only they had tried harder or worked harder or been better people? Since when did comedians become arbiters of appropriate behavior?
There is really no virtue in ignoring someone because he has lived a long time, but there is cruelty in treating him as though he were invisible and has no value.
By all means, say hello. Be ready to tell him a couple stories that made him memorable to you. If he's lucid, I'm pretty sure he'd welcome the contact. If he isn't, what have you got to lose? You might just make his day!
Alright I will. Maybe I’m projecting my own stuff, cause times when I was sick or felt “diminished” somehow, I always felt self-conscious about it.
Why do you think people are embarrassed about being old? Is it something they had any control over? Something they could have avoided if only they had tried harder or worked harder or been better people? Since when did comedians become arbiters of appropriate behavior?
There is really no virtue in ignoring someone because he has lived a long time, but there is cruelty in treating him as though he were invisible and has no value.
Maybe not so much old, but a shell of who they were physically. It does bother me to see him like this I admit, as he was a physically imposing presence and now struggling to stay awake through lunch...maybe it’s just an uncomfortable reminder that there’s no slowing this train.
I'm not embarrassed for getting old and "a shell of who I was". I'm embarrassed that the "shell" has gotten so fat! THAT I have control over! And I'm trying to get thinner.
Maybe not so much old, but a shell of who they were physically. It does bother me to see him like this I admit, as he was a physically imposing presence and now struggling to stay awake through lunch...maybe it’s just an uncomfortable reminder that there’s no slowing this train.
It bothers you. That's your problem. Why should it be a reason for him to be embarrassed unless you were to choose to make an issue of it, point it out, even ridicule him? You seem like a fairly compassionate person who wouldn't do that. Just treat him like anyone else you're glad to see. There is no reason to see his age as something to make you uncomfortable. He's not doing it on purpose to annoy you.
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