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I've left meetings of volunteer organizations because they went on and on with no timed agenda and no attempt to keep it from going off-course. I left one "short meeting after church" after it had gone on for an hour. I just get up and say, "I've got to get going". I wish I could have done that during my working career.
My husband died 3 years ago and for the first time in my adult life I don't have many obligations- pay my bills, keep the lawn respectable, obey the laws... but I make my own schedule, I pick up volunteer work only if I want it, I choose my travel destinations. DH and I had a wonderful marriage and had great trips together, but as he got older he couldn't tolerate hot climates. So now I've been to India and Nepal (NOT an area he ever wanted to go), Central America and Mexico. I leave for Hawaii next month and the Galapagos in March. I can keep only healthy food in the house- DH had to work to keep his weight UP but now there's nothing around to tempt me.
I do try to get out of my nice, comfortable bubble. I donate over 15% of my AGI to charity and do a lot of volunteer work- but few things that require me to be someplace on a schedule. I maintain the church Web site, for example. I have 3 grandchildren and am putting money into their 529s and have taken the oldest to Chicago (an hour's flight from her home) 3 times. Her younger siblings have to get a little older for that. Life is good and I try to share some of my blessings without jeopardizing my own long-term prospects.
Unlike DH who thrives on schedule and predictability I've always had wider fluctuations of enthusiasm and energy. Retirement has provided me with the ability to be selective with how I use my time and I'd like to think that that luxury has made it possible to work at the optimum of my interests and skills when I choose to do so.
I enjoy giving myself to tasks that benefit others a lot more when I have a more complete sense of freedom and choice about it.
I'm just always checking myself for balance both in doing and being and equally in how I feel about my choice. Too much or too little of nearly anything isn't my best spot.
I do think I spend less time helping others than I did for most of my life but perhaps the quality of what I have to offer has improved. And I think I've learned how to give in a way that is more satisfying and healthy for myself as well.
When did they pass a law that everyone had to carry and answer cell phone calls constantly? Well, our incompetent government did pass a do not call law but that is totally unenforced. Some people block all calls except for those in their contact lists. I don't bother. I just do not answer the phone and often do not have it nearby.
When do relatives decide to invite themselves to visit or to eat at your house? I do not do that to others and do not welcome it from anyone.
I do not see anything "selfish" about this. In fact I would consider anyone who invited themselves to dinner to be rude and selfish.
Spending 12 years in Catholic parochial schools, it's not that easy to be selfish without feeling a bit guilty?
Let's see now, I keep my phone turned off 24 hours a day, I just don't want my selfishness interrupted. I wake up, if I see the red light blinking on my flip-up phone, then someone must have called me. Ok, Ok, I'll respond to it!
Then, the bathroom, kitchen cleaning and vacuuming can wait one more month!
How about you? You don't feel at all guilty being too selfish in your retirement years? You don't take it to extremes? You feel any selfishness is well-deserved? No one has complained about it?
Although I have never been Catholic, I grew up in a very guilt-inducing environment, also, and I agree 100% with the above! Thanks for posting!
I particularly am not going to dance to someone's else's tune if I don't want or need to do that, and now there are VERY few cases where I feel I have to. In fact, with the exception of showing up for my part-time "hobby job", which I enjoy, the only "have to's" are filing tax returns, paying bills, keeping myself clean and brushing my teeth, and making sure that there is enough food, clean dishes, and clean clothes!
Last edited by katharsis; 10-20-2019 at 08:22 AM..
When did they pass a law that everyone had to carry and answer cell phone calls constantly? Well, our incompetent government did pass a do not call law but that is totally unenforced. Some people block all calls except for those in their contact lists. I don't bother. I just do not answer the phone and often do not have it nearby.
When do relatives decide to invite themselves to visit or to eat at your house? I do not do that to others and do not welcome it from anyone.
I do not see anything "selfish" about this. In fact I would consider anyone who invited themselves to dinner to be rude and selfish.
We just got a card from my husbands cousin invited herself to stay at our house again. It went into a trash. I laughed and read out loud your post to my husband.
We just got a card from my husbands cousin invited herself to stay at our house again. It went into a trash. I laughed and read out loud your post to my husband.
I would not just throw it away. Someone that rude might just show up.
I would not just throw it away. Someone that rude might just show up.
We will book a vacation and go away on that weekend. This is not the first card regarding her visit, it’s a second card we got from her. She couldn’t communicate on email because we put her on ignore list.
I'm much more generous with my time since I retired. Having said that, I don't get a lot of requests for help, so my time is pretty much my own to do as I see fit. I do a lot of dishes and clothes washing that I rarely did when I was working. My wife and I walk nearly everyday. We live in a small city and as we walk the city streets we pick up garbage. The streets we walk look much better for it. We nearly always get a full bag.
We can always change our ways, and be kind to one another without being judgmental.
True
Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover
And when you're just about to do something, or in the middle of it, like going to the bathroom, and you rush, rush, rush to answer the phone, thinking it's important, and it's a salesmen? Even tho' I'm on a Don Not Call List, the unwarranted phone calls come in anyway. By having it turned off, most will not leave a voicemail, too time-consuming.
I'm a loner, thru and thru, so get no phone calls from family, and I have very few friends. But I have some great friends in my neighborhood that I converse with quite frequently.
And given all the salesmanlike, or political emails I get in one month, I now check my emails only once a month.
I never rush,rush,rush to answer my phone. It is usually in my pocket or if not, no big deal. I return non sales calls. If my phone was off, all the time I would not be receiving Social Security or pension benefits for example. (We don’t have a landline)But I am not a loner and like human contact.
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By having it turned off, most will not leave a voicemail, too time-consuming.
