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Tough and scary situation here too, being both single,never in a relationship,no friends,no social circle other than work-related during work hours,totally introverted and antisocial...can't stand most people,etc; and possibly (un-diagnosed) bi-polar.I do have my cat.
I addition,I already have mobility issues that most likely will put me in a wheelchair sooner than expected
Only have 2 close members of family and they live 4000 miles away..though they keep telling me to move over there when I retire,etc.;(They did live with me rent-free in the same house for 18 years...we were separated by a wall within the structure).the scary and sad truth is that due to extreme financial issues I will never be able to retire.Plus I will feel so uncomfortable being a burden on them like I will most likely be.
Yeah I know..I'm also depressed AF....but I think mental treatment is mostly BS unless you are given frequent and plenty quantities of drugs.
Scary and disturbing indeed...
If you have truly scary financial issues, you will qualify for Medicaid when you stop working (as well as for senior subsidized housing, and a Medicaid nursing home if you need it). I do not understand "never being able to retire"... people may need to continue working to maintain a certain higher standard of living, but nobody in the US can die of a treatable illness. hunger, or exposure to elements, just because they ran out of money. Social services in the US are actually more generous than almost anywhere else to people who are truly (and not so truly) poor. Financial need to work longer is related either to a desire to live better in retirement, or to leave more assets to the kids - but social security and taxpayers cover basic needs for all the US seniors who cannot cover these needs by themselves.
Although I've lived with some partners I've been a singleton all my life. In my late 60's now, no kids, retired 5 years, & while I've figured out budgets & income & have a will, I've hesitated with health directives, LTC insurance, POA. I have 2 brothers I'm close enough to but I question their judgement - perhaps all the more reason I should detail future health directives.
Since the summer I have decided to focus more on my diminishing social life so I'm looking at some volunteer activities &, more to the point, I've gotten focused on online dating. One thing about NYC is that there is a huge number of single women of "a certain age" looking to date & even with all the flakes & incompatibles there are lots looking for company, I assume there are a lot of men as well. I've met 1-2 & am talking to several more & I hope for good luck with some company over the winter, it takes a real effort to get out of one's comfort zone though.
I wouldn't use the inability to enjoy living alone as a signal that life isn't worth living. We have my mother in an excellent independent living facility because she needs a support network - and there she is provided with lunch and dinner (she can pour herself a bowl of cereal in the morning), tons of social activities, outings to shows and stores, exercise classes, a movie theater with a movie every evening (with popcorn), an onsite well-stocked library, a beauty salon, and a pool. She lives in her own 2-bedroom apartment with a beautiful view, where she gets cleaning done every Thursday, and "linen/towel" service every Monday. Is that a life not worth living?
The quality of one's life is their personal decision.
I agree. I live in a one-story house that's less than two miles from a large medical center/doctors' complex/hospital and less than one mile from grocery stores, gas stations, entertainment, etc. Many groceries and restaurants deliver to my area. My next-door neighbors and I have been neighbors/friends for 40 years and watch out for each other. When I get too old or too infirm to continue enjoying living alone, I have two excellent "exit" books for reference.
I have The Final Exit. What are the titles of the books you have?
Not another discussion of ending one's life by suicide! Damn, can't believe it. Endless threads on ending one's life! (I know I can just ignore it). It's just so lame to discuss it 20 million times when one can just use the Search mechanism to pull up all the previous threads on ending one's life by suicide and plans.
Plus it's so damn depressing to CONSTANTLY see threads on death and ending one's life by suicide in a RETIREMENT forum.
And as far as living alone - ADJUST, and be adult.
Millions and millions of people of all ages live alone, and ENJOY life while doing so! (including older people)
Last edited by matisse12; 12-03-2019 at 02:29 PM..
Not another discussion of ending one's life! Damn, can't believe it. Endless threads on ending one's life! (I know I can just ignore it). It's just so lame to discuss it 20 million times when one can just use the Search mechanism to pull up all the previous threads on ending one's life.
Plus it's so damn depressing to CONSTANTLY see threads on death in a RETIREMENT forum.
And as far as living alone - ADJUST, and be adult.
Millions and millions of people of all ages live alone, and ENJOY life while doing so! (including older people)
Yes, let us not make this a suicide chat. Let us not put down the fact that some will chose such but let us not focus on that. Focus more on methods to deal with aging single. Relocation. CCRC, moving in with family or them moving in with you, hiring help, etc.
I think I have a rather unique situation, since my daughter age 49 and I are pretty close, although not always the case before. She has a very good paying job; so does her husband. They need to stop renting and buy a house and we have been considering a "next gen" house where part of their house is made into a mother in law suite, separate from the main house. I would have my own entrance, garage, a small garden and kitchen and bath and a bedroom.
Now all of this depends on :
1. The two of them keeping their jobs into the future (these homes are expensive).
2. Our relationship not souring for any reason.
3. My ability to add to this "house plan" with some money.
The builder is Lennar and it would be back to Phoenix, which I wouldn't like but to have family around me as I get really old, I could do it. I do not want to live with anyone ever again. It has always been a disaster for me and I would never move into one of my kid's homes, ever. It can wreck a marriage and would be unworkable for all.
It's a recurring topic, so it stands to reason, that mention of it would recur.
Most people have family connections. For those of a certain age, it's typically an expanding tree of children and grandchildren. Where to live, who to budget, how to navigate social dynamics, is much contingent on the children and grandchildren. But those who lack such connections, perhaps having zero relatives whatsoever, would have different priorities... both opportunities (freedom) and threats (no support network).
And, presumably these issues are quite different for early-retirees, who may still be middle-aged, traditional retirees in their mid-late 60s, and persons of a yet more advanced age. The latter group would presumably be most concerned about healthcare, transportation, basic household maintenance. The first group would instead worry more about social opportunities and meaningful ways of spending their time, especially if the peer-group isn't yet retired.
The topic bears relevance to that of the "child-free" - a small and rather maligned social group, which while still relatively young, is the target of bilious criticism about what awaits them in old-age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf
I have The Final Exit. What are the titles of the books you have?
Indeed, for those of us who for the moment remain blessed with comparatively good health, excellent mobility and full-faculties of our person, the salient question isn't about management of senescence, but of making sense of life in the present, of finding a meaning that's no longer possible in one's career, of constructing a rubric for going from rising from one's bed in the morning, to slinking back in bed at night. This isn't easy.
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