Your marriage, what worked? what did not? (vacations, relative, retired)
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Wasn't meant to be lol. I just believe a lot of people feel the same but would never admit it. And it wasn't really about marriages, just any exclusive relationships in general. Think about it, people cheat but most probably don't ever get caught nor would they admit they do. People change and it's no longer the person you want to spend your life with. So many reasons you just don't want to be in the long run with that person anymore. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way and nothing wrong with getting out of that situation. I think being happy is what's most important.
I think it's more accurate to say all relationships fail until the one that doesn't. Most people need to shop around before settling down. That was my experience and the experiences of other long time married couples. We have many friends who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years or more. If people are willing to settle for staying in a relationship that has run it's course they probably were willing to settle at the start as well. They both probably hadn't found their love match, but one or both settled. People get into relationships and/or marry for many reasons, love, boredom, physical attraction, lust, money, status. People stay together if those reasons still matter to them and are being satisfied. Plenty of people cheat but plenty don't. Most who do get caught out eventually. Plenty stay in love, plenty do not. You or I can't accurately generalize for everyone else based on our own experience.
I think it's more accurate to say all relationships fail until the one that doesn't. Most people need to shop around before settling down. That was my experience and the experiences of other long time married couples. We have many friends who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years or more. If people are willing to settle for staying in a relationship that has run it's course they probably were willing to settle at the start as well. They both probably hadn't found their love match, but one or both settled. People get into relationships and/or marry for many reasons, love, boredom, physical attraction, lust, money, status. People stay together if those reasons still matter to them. Plenty of people cheat but plenty don't. Most who do get caught out eventually. Plenty stay in love, plenty do not. You or I can't accurately generalize for everyone else based on our own experience.
Maybe, maybe not. I'm unaware if I've ever been cheated on but traveling as much as I had to for my job I can tell you I would be constantly hit on by married men. You know why I think? Because in those situations their wives would never find out. My bf said it's because they think they can get away with it. I believe it.
Maybe, maybe not. I'm unaware if I've ever been cheated on but traveling as much as I had to for my job I can tell you I would be constantly hit on by married men. You know why I think? Because in those situations their wives would never find out. My bf said it's because they think they can get away with it. I believe it.
You were hit on by some married men, not every married man. Some married men are cheaters, some are not.
Communication, shared decisions, equal division of labor, and a lot more that's already been said.
In my case what turned out to matter was similar childhoods, nationality. I finally realized that I wasn't compatible with a man who had been brought up in a city while I preferred the suburbs or the country. I also wasn't at home with his Polish foods and traditions and he didn't want the English foods that were familiar to me. (I liked pierogi though, something I'd never had before.)
Finally I married a man from my grandparents' area of England (thank you, match.com) and we like all the same foods, he can make Yorkshire Pudding, shepherd's pie, he enjoys my mince pie, we have similar values, same sense of humor. He doesn't try to act macho and he has zero interest in guns.
I found that even though I am two generations away, I have a lot more in common with an Englishman than with most American men I have ever met. (Well, there WERE a few American men who might have been compatible but...)
What better topic than to a forum of subject-matter experts who has had a LIFE TIME of experience on this subject?
Tell us about your marriage, what worked? what did not?
Specifically:
Were you a one-income or two-income household? How did that turn out?
Is/was there a "head of household" where one clearly makes major decisions, or jointly make the decisions, or disagree on key major decisions?
Finances - how does/did your household handle it?
Romance - how do/did you keep it alive after decades of marriage?
Children - Was both spouses involved in raising the children, or was one spouse busy working and the other get stucked in raising the children?
Finally:
What made it worked, didn't worked? What was/is the root cause?
What advice can you give the younger generation on what makes a marriage work?
Let the sharing begin!
Within your stated parameters:
Single income household, wife stayed home and raised the kids
Shared responsibilities, we each had our primary areas of responsibility but got help as needed
Finances were pretty easy, I had primary obligation to assure we didn't run out of money for current living and we had an agreed to plan for long term financial stability. We discussed the numbers and how we were going to approach our finances, our priorities and adjusted as or when necessary.
We have been together since meeting 51 years ago, and still like each other a lot
Wife had primary responsibility for child raising, she wouldn't consider it being "stuck" at all, she is still VERY MUCH a mom and grand mom
We prioritized each other, always have and still do
Can't give advice to younger folks, they have a different environment and their own personalities
Tell us about your marriage, what worked? what did not?
Specifically:
Were you a one-income or two-income household? How did that turn out? Two incomes. We both worked for the same employer and were co-workers before we started dating.
Is/was there a "head of household" where one clearly makes major decisions, or jointly make the decisions, or disagree on key major decisions? We work as a team.
Finances - how does/did your household handle it? All our accounts are joint. There was never "his money" and "her money."
Romance - how do/did you keep it alive after decades of marriage? I'd say that after 35 years of marriage our relationship has evolved into an affectionate companionship. Neither of us are into romantic gestures such as candlelight dinners or flowers.
Children - Was both spouses involved in raising the children, or was one spouse busy working and the other get stucked in raising the children? Neither of us wanted children.
Finally:
What made it worked, didn't worked? What was/is the root cause? I think what made it work is that we are compatible emotionally. We're both quiet, introverted bookworm types, non-religious and politically somewhat liberal.
What advice can you give the younger generation on what makes a marriage work? It's important to look beyond physical attraction, which doesn't last, and pick someone with similar interests and values, someone you feel comfortable with, someone you can be yourself with and someone you would like to have as your best friend. And please do not marry someone with problems believing that your love can somehow magically fix them. That doesn't work. What you see if what you get.
I’ll play!
Were you a one-income or two-income household? 2 income family until we retired
Is/was there a "head of household" where one clearly makes major decisions, or jointly make the decisions, or disagree on key major decisions? No head of household - we are partners.
Finances - joint finances - no his and her money
Romance - Neither of us us is particularly romantic (flowers, candlelight dinners etc), but we’ve always made time for each other
Children - Both spouses involved in child raising. As a result, we are both very close to our adult children
Finally:
What made it worked? I am convinced that what made it wit was we prioritized our marriage. We went on date nights at least a couple of times a month our entire marriage and took at least one trip without the children every year. We also made (and still do) each other laugh everyday. We have the same outlook on life, shared values etc. but overall, putting our marriage above our children helped us stay connected.
I think what works is shared values. We both came from stable families, so we have tools to roll with the punches in life.
I respect my husband for his work ethic, and he respects me for what I bring to the relationship. We have each other’s back.
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