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Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Here in our city, like many there are some families with an adult kid living in the basement or a guest bedroom. Beyond that, we have had a huge influx of people from India in the last few years, working in Tech at Amazon or Microsoft. Our demographics today are showing 33.3% Asian. The developers are building new homes with dual masters, and some even with a "spice room' top attract them to their $2 million new homes.
Here in our neighborhood, the 3 Indian families nearest us often have the grandparents for long periods of time, and they help with babysitting, saving the families $2,000/month or more on child care. One set of parents stays 5-6 months, then go back to India, and the other set comes. During any nice day you will see many an elderly person pushing a stroller around with a baby or toddler in it.
We are grandparent ourselves and may have grandkids stay overnight 1-3 times a year, but would never consider imposing by moving in with family even if invited to. It may be a cultural thing.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,726 posts, read 58,067,115 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yippeekayay
The concept evades me because there are just so many places for different people to look into settling that makes a fixed house probably not a good idea. So, instead, we built a multi-generational Facebook "home" where we all can catch up and update one another and keep in touch.
or... we just do multiple homes in desireable destinations with different climate zones and seasons.
Go where the weather is best, or events are most attractive.
All homes have separate living space and fully stocked with food, clothes, vehicle. Jump on the plane and go. 2 hrs can get you 1200 miles away. (and SUNSHINE!!!) or snow if you prefer.
We can't do Facebook... no internet connectivity in the boonies (where it is QUIET).
Here in our city, like many there are some families with an adult kid living in the basement or a guest bedroom. Beyond that, we have had a huge influx of people from India in the last few years, working in Tech at Amazon or Microsoft. Our demographics today are showing 33.3% Asian. The developers are building new homes with dual masters, and some even with a "spice room' top attract them to their $2 million new homes.
Here in our neighborhood, the 3 Indian families nearest us often have the grandparents for long periods of time, and they help with babysitting, saving the families $2,000/month or more on child care. One set of parents stays 5-6 months, then go back to India, and the other set comes. During any nice day you will see many an elderly person pushing a stroller around with a baby or toddler in it.
We are grandparent ourselves and may have grandkids stay overnight 1-3 times a year, but would never consider imposing by moving in with family even if invited to. It may be a cultural thing.
It can definitely be a cultural thing. In India, in many traditional families, young people live with their parents until marriage, then the new wife comes to live in the home of the groom's parents. The groom's parents have tremendous input into bride selection process. It's an interesting culture. Arranged marriages are still very common. I never had any issue with my MIL coming to live with us. She needed help, we had room, she moved in. Not a problem. We all got along well and tried to respect each other's privacy and needs. MIL had another adult son (DH's brother) who was estranged from all, and we never saw him for years.
To answer the OP's question, it can be wonderful or horrible. Many families, including mine, made it work and mutually benefited from it when it was a financial necessity (it's also a cultural thing with us), but people and lifestyles are different now.
It sounds like OP is looking for a soft place to land as she ages versus a retirement community or growing old alone and hasn't given much thought to the potential downsides. I'm curious what, if any, conversations with the son and DIL have been had about her plan.
As the OP, you are partly right. If it is thoughtfully planned, with a lower level self-sufficient apartment, with its own access, with a small kitchen, it could work. Before we move with any plan, we will of course have an honest and open conversation with both of them, all expectations vocalised. What my DIL thinks is very important to me. She was quite enthusiastic when I suggested we buy into their neighborhood. My son has been sending info on houses near him, but we are not ready to move mentally and emotionally. They currently have a nanny and if we were to move we will not replace the nanny. We can't we are past that age and dont have the energy. But we will be grandparents, which they both desire for their child.
Many young families in my community value having elders live with them, or in proximity, for the children to learn. it works quite well. It is a cultural thing, yes, and has its benefits. Of course human relationships are always complex.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Very good friends who wanted to be more engaged grandparents, bought a home on another street that backed up to grandkid's yard. They put a gate in the rear fence.
My general feeling is if you expect multigenerational living in retirement, you should have the conversation EARLY and have also demonstrated that lifestyle yourself.
Both sets of parents would like to live with my partner and I as they age. Neither saved much for retirement and both relied heavily upon their own parents even into middle and (in my parents' case) older age. They both have *also* looked to their children to help support them in various ways, including having my brother and I step in for elder care for my grandmother because they refuse to visit more than once a year despite distance, demanding jobs, and kids in the mix for us.
My line in the sand when I met my partner was that we would not have our parents live with us, and any financial support would only come after our own retirement funds, emergency savings, house savings, and college savings for kids and other needs were fully met. This has caused a lot of consternation with both sets of parents because they made plans for retirement without considering the willingness or financial abilities of those on whom they had expectations and without considering what behavior they had modeled. Our parents also live on different sides of the country, one a 5 hour drive and one a 3 hour flight from where we currently live, and themselves moved away from family when they got launched.
It would be incredible to be in a family where multigenerational living was a mutually beneficial, desirable thing!
As housing costs go up and pension disappear, I'd be surprised we don't see more multigenerational homes.
We have several friends who have remodeled their homes to accommodate their grown children and their families
Two live in a 3 story townhome. Their son, his wife and their two young children live on the top floor with three bedrooms, and two bathrooms. They remodeled the daylight basement into apartment connecting to their backyard garden for themselves. Everyone shares the middle floor kitchen, living room, den and deck.
I lived in a multi-generational apartment complex owned by paternal grandparents for a couple years in my 20s, left to live with boyfriend/eventual husband. My father (only child) and wife also lived there for a couple years, moved out then moved back. Took care of his parents when old age and poor health made it necessary.
The multi-unit apartment complex made it easy to have personal space yet always be in touch with family. It was a small town so my moving out was only 4 miles away. I paid rent to my grandparents.
I probably wouldn't have moved into a single-family multi-generation home unless I had no choice.
We bought our home for this possibility. We have a finished walk out basement with a kitchen, laundry room, full bath, bedrooms and family room.
Right now it's just my husband and I. My son's family lived in the lower level for 2 years while they were saving up for their home. It worked out great. We kept the basement door shut so they had their own space. The grandkids would call to see if they could come up for special grandma time.
And it was great when we had a family wedding and tons of out of town guests. We have 7 bedrooms, 4 baths and lot of couches.
I have some other friends, an older couple who built their own home with family in mind. It has a walk-in daylight basement that could be converted into an apartment. One of their adult children also paid for materials to have a loft built in the two-story garage that will eventually be a private apartment for them to use when they're there visiting with the grandkids. My friends might also use the loft as a short term rental during the summer months for some extra income.
Their setup is pretty smart with several flexible options to accommodate family or visitors.
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