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In the case that this shared link does not work, I'm quoting the part which I find interesting. I think the sentence which I bolded apply to couples AND INDIVIDUALS.
Quote:
But research over the years has found only a limited effect of a second identity on happiness in that phase of life. The much more important factor, Gottman told me, is the quality of the marriage before retirement. The Health and Retirement Study, a sweeping national research project now in its 32nd year, found that an unhappy marriage predicts unhappiness in retirement more than declines in wealth or even health, says Mo Wang, a professor at the University of Florida who studies the retirement adjustment.
Whether couples are able to help each other stretch, a concept that social scientists call “self-expansion,” also matters. Strong self-expansion skills — the ability to make new friends or pick up new interests that require dedicated learning — are correlated with everything from general well-being to even weight loss and cognitive health. Not surprising, researchers in 2020 found that couples who reported high levels of that kind of reinforcement — encouraging each other to try something new, for example — were happier and were weathering the transition much better.
I would agree 100%. Exploration and discovery has always been a key ingredient in our happiness as individuals and as a couple. We seek it actively and one of the reasons why we never bought a second home. It would be too much of the same place and take away from what we love. We often say to others, “take us somewhere you’ve never been.”
The article is only expanding on the age old cliche, I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.
Which I find to be spot on!
We have been retired for fifteen years, and we love Monday mornings, as it is now. So good not to have to get to work, not to have to organise kids. It is our peaceful morning. Nevertheless impacted by our main point of difference, I like the tv off, he likes to watch all sorts of things. Monday morning, with our time zone being ahead of much of the world, today brings the Miami Grand Prix live, or the end of the golf in Singapore, recorded from overnight.
We adapt with technology and space, headphones etc. But we have learned to cope as we have a whole program of things to look forward to later in the week which we do separately or together. Golf for him, language activities and book club for me, shared fortnightly walking group for us both, sometimes shared grandkid school runs.
What we are currently finding challenging is seeing some of these activities and our friendship groups being impacted by illnesses of close friends. Shared lunches, long enjoyed, are not possible while a friend is having chemo. Locations and times are affected by a friend no longer being able to drive at night.
So maybe what is most needed is flexibility of mind, retirement being full of challenges.
we never bought a second home. It would be too much of the same place
This is why we love our timeshare. We can use our points to go just about anywhere. I couldn't possibly even list all the places we've traveled to, including Mexico and the Virgin Islands. We've only ever been to the same place more than once when we absolutely love it there, and that's the beaches in Florida, and Vegas. We do want to go back to Yellowstone and see some stuff we missed the first time around.
This is exactly why I want to move to a retirement community with lots of amenities and things to do.
My husband and I can do some activities together but we can also each do things away from one another - we've never been joined at the hip before, I don't expect to be joined at the hip now.
It is actually very common for old retired couples to wind up grousing with each other - familiarity can breed contempt.
It sounds like the big challenge in retirement is finding something worthwhile to do, and I concur. Now that we live 30 years longer than we used to when SS was first instituted, maybe we should just keep working...
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