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Probably many never agreed on many things during their marriage. Many likely never should have married or should have divorced. Marriage means two have to make the decision and that takes compromising. Often one deciding that since its important to other they will just go with his /her desire and even make it what he /she wished it to be. Why ;because you care about the other.
I have a friend who has a period 1910 pool hall for a man cave. it is nice with tin ceilings and a few $50k pool tables. Nice, but I like 'working' hide-outs'.
I picked a place up this week with 4 shops / barns.
I like this one ~40x70 (It will be full in no time)
I will build a stone barn on the back section of this property. It will be a 'cool' place to escape.
I'm expecting many disagreements with my wife when we retire. Most of them are because my wife hasn't made up her mind on what she wants, making it hard to plan. For instance, she has said she wants to stay where we are currently living because our friends are here and at the same time she wants to be closer to where our kids will be living (likely in another state). Assuming we move, she want a house on the beach big enough for our kids and future families (5-6 bedrooms), and I'm saying we should downsize (3-4 bedrooms), and likely be inland because of the cost. I refuse to have to work in retirement just for a big house that will be empty most of the time.
The saving grace is that I think practical will win out in the end and we will live within our means in retirement because there is no other option.
My wife and I have very similar discussions about downsizing in retirement. We currently have a 3700 sq ft, 4 bedroom, 3 1/2 bath on 1 1/2 acres. We'll talk about downsizing and she'll agree, but then we still have to have 4 bedrooms (one as a "mother-in-law" type just in case one of our parents ever needs to move in with us), we have to keep the dining room and furniture (for the once every year or two we might have a large gathering), we have to keep the breakfast nook/kitchen table (just because), etc, etc.
I tell her we're not downsizing if we don't actually downsize anything. I have no intention of paying thousands extra for the occasional large gathering or long term guest. And I have no intention of continuing to work well into my 70s and 80s to pay for it. At some point in the next couple of years we're going to have to come to a mutual agreement.
Last night I saw a guy on American Pickers who appeared to be living in his garage with his collection of cars and stuff. Maybe that's a solution for some couples? He has a big garage he lives in and she can take care of the house. lol
Wife and I have had a real time figuring out where to go when we retire. We both agree, we're not staying here. So, our current plan, subject to change at any time, is full time RVing. Maybe we will find someplace we like? The biggest potential for conflict is getting rid of our house full of stuff, collections, nick nacks, dishes, tools etc. We'll have to have several garage sales to pare it down.
I have a friend who has a period 1910 pool hall for a man cave. it is nice with tin ceilings and a few $50k pool tables. Nice, but I like 'working' hide-outs'.
I picked a place up this week with 4 shops / barns.
I like this one ~40x70 (It will be full in no time)
I will build a stone barn on the back section of this property. It will be a 'cool' place to escape.
Wow, my husband needs one of those! Not sure we'd have room for the stone barn at the back without obstructing the great view, but what a great idea!
Actually, as my daughter has said, ( she's a big Doctor Who fan) what he really needs is a Tartis.
Just curious. Do retired couples do more guy stuff or girl stuff together once both are retired?
My husband is semi-retired and I have not retired yet. I fully expect us to continue doing some stuffs by ourselves and some stuffs together just the way we have been doing in the last 39 years of our marriage.
In our family, we do not divide chores or hobbies into 'guy' or 'girl' stuffs. There are many hobbies which we both enjoy (reading, gardening, hiking, photography, traveling, rowing, scuba diving and flying). We may not have the same level of enthusiasm for all of these activities but always enjoy doing them together.
Regarding the chores, they are divided based on one's skill and capability and we help each other as much as needed.
I'd expect the same with other couples ie. continuing his/her pattern of activities be it alone or sharing with one's spouse or friends. This is what I had observed in my parents and parents-in-law as well as with other retired couples. I think it is a rare thing that one drastically changes his/her interests in retirement.
IMHO, retirement can be sore spot for couples if the expectations are not met and if one or both did not prepare well for what to do and how to fill the newly found spare time.
Where to live after retirement has been a sore topic. She has been itching to go somewhere with warmer winters and I have family and roots where we are. I have always said that I would like to snowbird winters but also said I might "reverse snowbird" summers. When she finally acknowledged and agreed to keep a place to live where we are, everything fell into place. I mentioned how the freedom of keeping a place here will help me be more open minded about where we live the rest of the year. Not feeling trapped in a new location makes it so much easier for me to be open minded about a 2nd new location. I also mentioned, that freedom may allow me to permanently leave where we are and just return for frequent visits.
Great topic. One of the reasons for the frequency of disconnects between spouses is that often couples marry in their 20's or 30's when retirement is the last thing on their minds. Then, they discover the chasm in expectations in their 50's or 60's.
We were very lucky in one respect and horribly unfortunate in another. We both like water, hate the desert, and settled easily on Florida for snowbirding/potential future relocation. Since I can work from anywhere for a few weeks at a time, we were able to start snowbirding in our early 50's. That was lucky, and we love it. But her health turned to crap and now it seems she won't have a chance get to normal retirement age.
My wife and I have very similar discussions about downsizing in retirement. We currently have a 3700 sq ft, 4 bedroom, 3 1/2 bath on 1 1/2 acres. We'll talk about downsizing and she'll agree, but then we still have to have 4 bedrooms (one as a "mother-in-law" type just in case one of our parents ever needs to move in with us), we have to keep the dining room and furniture (for the once every year or two we might have a large gathering), we have to keep the breakfast nook/kitchen table (just because), etc, etc.
I tell her we're not downsizing if we don't actually downsize anything. I have no intention of paying thousands extra for the occasional large gathering or long term guest. And I have no intention of continuing to work well into my 70s and 80s to pay for it. At some point in the next couple of years we're going to have to come to a mutual agreement.
Open concept is the way to go here. You have one "dining area" off the kitchen. Buy a table that butterflies (leaves stored in the center) or has leaves you can stow.
I want one of our bedrooms to serves as my quilting studio. But I know there may be times when it has to be a bedroom. I'm getting a wall bed. Up -- it looks like a shelving unit -- down, it's a real platform bed.
There are compromises....
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guys need a barn to retreat to, and a dog to bounce ideas off of.
