tolerant? open-minded? (Richmond, Roanoke, Martinsville: crime, home, employment)

[LLLL98]

My husband and I are desperately seeking out of south florida. We have been here for 10 long years (originally from MD) and are planning to leave in the next 18-24 months. We are looking for someplace where we can live safely, affordably, and peacefully and possibly start a small family in the future. Climate is not too much of an issue, but we are hoping to be closer to our Maryland family. Southwest Virginia is one of the places that we are looking into because we are very interested in living in a rural area that still has employment opportunities closeby(45 minute commute is fine), but we like a slow pace with not too much excitement. One aspect of the Southern Virginia area that keeps popping whenever we start discussing our future plans is racism in the south. My husband is black and of course if we have a child that child will be mixed race, we are concerned about the "old south" mentality. I understand fully that there are bad apples everywhere (we know from experience) but what should we expect?

[TryinToSeeTheWorld]

Since moving here, I have seen more mixed race couples than I've ever seen before. I don't know how they are treated but I have seen many families. I've never noticed anyone even giving a second glance or commenting on skin color. . .even of the kids.

I live in Roanoke City and the people I know are fairly well educated and worldly. I would be shocked if race was even mentioned in any conversation. Now, your moving to a rural area. . . that could be an entirely different story. One of my best friends in another state is in a mixed race marriage with children.

She's in the south, but again urban, and her friends are city people. She has frequently said she would not live in the rural south and she and her husband both have rural south families. Just a thought.

Hope that helps coming from a non-mixed race family. Things might happen that I'm not privy to. Good luck.

[Aspe4]

I'm black and I grew up in Martinsville, VA which is about an hour south of Roanoke. It's a small town and, suprisingly, there are a lot of interracial couples there. But it's hard to take advice from people who are not in interracial relationships because how would they know how such couples are treated? How would one notice negative incidents that would never happen him/her? The only incident I can speak of happened in the early nineties when my sister brought home her college boyfriend, who was white, and we went to Pizza Hut and I noticed the waitress roll her eyes at us when we came in. I'm the only one of us who saw it. I assume she disapproved of their relationship. But I don't remember us getting bad service. I think your family will be fine. But you would probably fare better the closer you live to Roanoke City.

Another incident I remember happened a few years before the above episode at the same Pizza Hut. my 6th grade teacher, who was black, took my home room class out to eat because it was the end of the school year. The class was mostly white but there were a few other blacks including myself and some other students. A white guy was drunk(this was back when Pizza Hut served beer; they still may)and was having dinner with his friends but he began yelling at our table about how white people shouldn't be eating dinner with ni66ers. The drunk guy's friends escorted him out of the restaurant and they apologized to us as did the waitress.

My point of telling you all of this though you won't face problems everyday but you may encounter an incident at some point that will upset you. I repeat, it's better to talk to interracial couples who live in the Roanoke area and don't take advice from people who have never been in such a relationship. Are there any interracial couple internet groups you could join? I think your family will be fine. But you would probably fare better the closer you live to Roanoke City. Good luck.

[LLLL98]

Thanks very much for your replies. I have lived in urban areas for most of my life, my husband grew up in a semi-rural area and we've both seen, heard, and experienced negative things regarding us as a couple and him individually, but it has never been anything that made us feel unsafe or threatened in any way. Mostly just off hand comments or funny looks which we can tolerate in small doses, but I don't think we would be happy having to deal with it on a regular basis, much less have a child that would have to live in that kind of environment.

We do understand that urban areas do tend to me a little more diverse than rural ones, and usually that leads to a more tolerant population (not always, as we have learned from being in a very diverse but not always tolerant area) but we really want to live in an area that is more out of the way with a few acres of land and plenty of space to spread out a little. Traffic, crime and over-crowding is what we are striving to get away from as much as possible and we feel that a slower pace and fewer people fit our personalities better.

No place is perfect, but we want to be as educated as possible before making such a big decision.
I've never thought about the interracial couple internet group, but that sounds like something that might help out.

I really do appreciate any input, thank you!

[roanoker 4]

From my experience in different areas, "small towns mold small minds", ESPECIALLY in the South. If you settle 45 minutes away from Roanoke you will definately be in a semi rural or rural area. Good Luck!

[kitkat70]

I am in the same relationship as yourself... except I am a african american female and my husband is white. We both are going to relocate the Roanoke area within the next year or so. I absolutely love the area and have visited a few times. during that stay all the people were really nice to us...but of course there will always be that one person that will have to voice his or her opinion about black and white being together. I am the type that I expect the worse from peoples behavior and therefore am always ready for an ignorant conversation with some racist person. I am currently living in one of the most racist states IA...and believe me there are tons of racist here. I get dirty looks from both races, especiaslly Black men.. People yell things all the time from their trucks/ cars, etc to us and it doesn't phase us one bit... The trick to being in a interracial relationship is that you have to have enough love for each other and not let people take away what you have together. Most people spend there time defending their relationships, more than actually having one. When god created humans, he choice for us to be different for a reason... because GOD LOVES WONDEROUS VARITIES. Skin color is just that...skin color. We are all human beings, we all have the same body parts.. same problems in life, bills, kids, death, etc. If you want to live in Roanoke DON'T let what other people say or stupid looks prevent you from living your life. When some one gives me a dirty look or hollers something from there cars going by..We just laugh because all there racial issues just makes me love my husband more.. My whole family... my brothers, cousins, aunts, etc we are all married to diffferent races and were every color under the sun.. I'll tell you one thing..I wouldn't have it any other way. So the hell with what people think..the only person thoughts you should be concerned about are your husbands.
Maybe some of the people in Roanoke that are black and or in a interracial relationship might be willing to chim in and share some of there experiences... good luck to you ...and remember racist pricks are everywhere north, east, south or west.

kitkat70

[LLLL98]

Thanks very much for your input. kitkat70, I really appreciate you sharing your story. My husband and I are very hopeful that we will be able to find a place that feels right for us and we will certainly try our best not to let those few ignorant people dictate where we live and start a family.

[Nebat]

As an interracial couple you'll be fine. As mentioned there's always someone with an opinion. This is not limited to any one specific region either, it's everywhere sadly. Personally I have more of a problem with the jock/frat mentality of the guys usually at the Valley View Mall area. The dbag type that cheat on their girlfriend just because they're too insecure about themselves and it makes them feel better about. I hate being "sized up" when I just want to go do some shopping. Of course it was a Friday night and the freaks tend to come out to party. I definitely feel more "at home" in the Grandin area though. Too bad it's so small. On second thought, maybe Richmond would be a better fit.

[happygal0000]

Okay, so here's the part you need to know: everyone will be nice to your face. That's the Southern Way. Southerners will always tell you what they think you want to hear. But it may very well effect your social life, depending on your neighborhood.

I agree with KitKat70, you have to love yourself and each other and let other people's BS roll off your back. There are some nice, diverse neighborhoods in Roanoke. Depending on what you want, just check them out at different times of the day (early morning, dinnertime, weekends) so you can get an idea of the racial/economic mixture.