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I've lived in South Florida my whole practically and everything within 15 mins of me. Now that I have a daughter I feel like I want a smaller town with less crime more community feel. I tried it once when I was 24 and I didn't adjust. At the time I didn't have a child and perhaps needed to still get the partying out of my system. We are looking again at NH and I was wondering who here went from fast a fast paced road raging lifestyle to a slower more self sustained lifestyle and how did u adjust? How long did it take for you to feel like you weren't going out of ur head. I know everyone is different but I feel like maybe my heart wasn't in it the first time and I didn't have reason enough.
I went from Seattle metro to the backwoods of Alaska. It took probably 6 months to really slow down, and about a year to fully adjust. It takes time to figure out how to get things done and how long it will realistically take when everything you need/want isn't *right there*. You need to learn who you can trust to get things done, both locally and in the nearest large town and even mail/web suppliers. It takes a while to figure out exactly what regular supplies you need, how much and how often... and how to plan for that with some random emergency things that might pop up as well.
Since we were techies, retired from software development, learning to live without super high speed internet was a challenge. We still have satellite, which is way faster than dial-up, but is still not anywhere near as fast as cable or FiOS. Anytime new folks move here and talk about how they won't get satellite because it's sooo slow, we just chuckle... it took us 3 months to realize we needed our fix and the slower speeds were better than nothing. We NEEDED the internet... there aren't any libraries out here, no phones near our location (pay phones 30 mins away), no cellular reception, no banks, and no stores. Without internet, we couldn't get any communication, information or financial stuff done out here and would have to rely on actual catalog based mail-order to get supplies.
We also had to realize that some things we thought were priorities, coming from a "civilized" world, really just weren't. Not a priority, period. Showering everyday, perfume and cosmetics, fancy clothes (heck, even clean clothes!), nice cars, reality TV... not important Getting enough firewood for winter, repairing the driveway and fences, getting and maintaining power and water, laying in enough food and supplies for the season... important.
My advice would be to quit cold turkey. Find yourself a nice fix-it-up house and spend all your time working on it when you first get there, reading only paper books/mags or playing board/card games for entertainment. For at least the first month, don't even bring your TV or cell phone into the house... not even if you have reception. Don't get your internet hooked up right away, even if it's available. Force yourself to do everything the slow way... not necessarily the hard way, just not crazy-fast with the help of every modern convenience. If you don't have to go to school/work everyday, schedule one day a week to make trips and run errands, and don't drive anywhere except on that day unless it's an absolute emergency. If you do have to go to school/work everyday, then schedule all your errands during the day/week and don't drive anywhere once you get home at night or on the weekends. Focus on what you have to do to get your place the way you want it and all the things you *do* have instead of all the things you think you *don't* have. After a month or so, you'll start to realize that the world isn't going to end if you don't get everything "yesterday" and aren't constantly tapped in to FB, Twitter and American Idol. You'll start to slow down, realize that some things are just going to take longer and that's perfectly ok because there's *plenty* of time... so go take a walk in the woods, or read a book, or try out a new recipe, or take up/return to a hobby, or play a game with your family. Modern life in the road rage rat race has convinced us that we never have enough time, we're always behind and everything has to be RIGHT NOW... it's a lie!!
You'll start to slow down, realize that some things are just going to take longer and that's perfectly ok because there's *plenty* of time... so go take a walk in the woods, or read a book, or try out a new recipe, or take up/return to a hobby, or play a game with your family. Modern life in the road rage rat race has convinced us that we never have enough time, we're always behind and everything has to be RIGHT NOW... it's a lie!!
I didn't want to quote the entire post, but all of it is great advice and oh-so true. This last part is so needed for most people they just can't imagine how nice it is NOT to feel like they are in a rush to go/do something.
I've lived in South Florida my whole practically and everything within 15 mins of me. Now that I have a daughter I feel like I want a smaller town with less crime more community feel. I tried it once when I was 24 and I didn't adjust. At the time I didn't have a child and perhaps needed to still get the partying out of my system. We are looking again at NH and I was wondering who here went from fast a fast paced road raging lifestyle to a slower more self sustained lifestyle and how did u adjust? How long did it take for you to feel like you weren't going out of ur head. I know everyone is different but I feel like maybe my heart wasn't in it the first time and I didn't have reason enough.
Now that I know who you are, let me toss out a small tidbit that may help. DON'T go back to Keene if you end up back in NH. Even though your situation has changed with the arrival of your Daughter, your past experience and memories of the last time you lived there WILL come back and needle you. Fair or not, those thoughts are there and even with a new outlook, it would be easy for them to creep back in and have more than a fair chance of ruining this time around for you and your Family. If you go back to NH, pick a new town/city and start totally, 100% fresh. It will work MUCH better; been there done that - and it is difficult not to let the old feelings settle in and ruin an otherwise good place, again.
Also, you really do need to give it at LEAST a full year to settle in a bit. Try living a town or two away from where your Hubby works (If I remember correctly he is a cop) because that puts a separation between the underbelly of the area he works and sees every day, and the place you call home and are raising your child. If he sees , and you hear, about all the bad that is in your town; it will not be long before that is mostly you expect from your town and that isn't a good thing.
I've done it all. I went from rural locale where nearest town was a village of 350 to a metro of 9 million. I moved from there to a town of 7,000. I moved from there to a metro of 2 million. I moved from there to a suburb of 100,000.
There are always adjustments that need to be made, and tradeoffs that are part and parcel of each place. But I'm pretty flexible. I never had a hard time adjusting to any of the changes as I moved around from place to place with wildly disparate populations. I tend to bloom wherever I'm planted.
I think that living all of my childhood very rurally was a huge asset. Going from super rural to urban wasn't tough, and nothing since then has been tough. Had the reverse been true, and had I grown up urban and made the move to very rural, I might have had a harder time adjusting, I don't know.
I went from Seattle metro to the backwoods of Alaska. It took probably 6 months to really slow down, and about a year to fully adjust. It takes time to figure out how to get things done and how long it will realistically take when everything you need/want isn't *right there*. You need to learn who you can trust to get things done, both locally and in the nearest large town and even mail/web suppliers. It takes a while to figure out exactly what regular supplies you need, how much and how often... and how to plan for that with some random emergency things that might pop up as well.
Since we were techies, retired from software development, learning to live without super high speed internet was a challenge. We still have satellite, which is way faster than dial-up, but is still not anywhere near as fast as cable or FiOS. Anytime new folks move here and talk about how they won't get satellite because it's sooo slow, we just chuckle... it took us 3 months to realize we needed our fix and the slower speeds were better than nothing. We NEEDED the internet... there aren't any libraries out here, no phones near our location (pay phones 30 mins away), no cellular reception, no banks, and no stores. Without internet, we couldn't get any communication, information or financial stuff done out here and would have to rely on actual catalog based mail-order to get supplies.
We also had to realize that some things we thought were priorities, coming from a "civilized" world, really just weren't. Not a priority, period. Showering everyday, perfume and cosmetics, fancy clothes (heck, even clean clothes!), nice cars, reality TV... not important Getting enough firewood for winter, repairing the driveway and fences, getting and maintaining power and water, laying in enough food and supplies for the season... important.
My advice would be to quit cold turkey. Find yourself a nice fix-it-up house and spend all your time working on it when you first get there, reading only paper books/mags or playing board/card games for entertainment. For at least the first month, don't even bring your TV or cell phone into the house... not even if you have reception. Don't get your internet hooked up right away, even if it's available. Force yourself to do everything the slow way... not necessarily the hard way, just not crazy-fast with the help of every modern convenience. If you don't have to go to school/work everyday, schedule one day a week to make trips and run errands, and don't drive anywhere except on that day unless it's an absolute emergency. If you do have to go to school/work everyday, then schedule all your errands during the day/week and don't drive anywhere once you get home at night or on the weekends. Focus on what you have to do to get your place the way you want it and all the things you *do* have instead of all the things you think you *don't* have. After a month or so, you'll start to realize that the world isn't going to end if you don't get everything "yesterday" and aren't constantly tapped in to FB, Twitter and American Idol. You'll start to slow down, realize that some things are just going to take longer and that's perfectly ok because there's *plenty* of time... so go take a walk in the woods, or read a book, or try out a new recipe, or take up/return to a hobby, or play a game with your family. Modern life in the road rage rat race has convinced us that we never have enough time, we're always behind and everything has to be RIGHT NOW... it's a lie!!
My advice before doing all of the above is to make sure you have PLENTY of dough in your bank account, plenty of investments to live off of. Naturally your "fixer-upper" better be paid with cash, can't have a mortgage where there are no jobs unless your bank account and investments provide enough to pay for it and some (much smaller than in the city) living expenses such as medical insurance, items you cannot produce (assuming you want to produce some) etc. That's the "catch 22" of the backwoods lifestyle....
yes, it is best to have enough savings to support yourself and your construction for a while if you aren't still working and it's best long term if you can purchase your 'stead outright in cash. Of course, this advice also holds true living in a city if you're retired or unemployed. Biggest difference is that a backwoods home has a higher probability of providing you enough food and water to survive without additional expense once it's set up, and you *usually* don't have as high the ongoing expense of property taxes.
But all that is getting off topic. Adjusting to rural life normally takes a good year, but if you're really not cut out for rural life then you won't really ever adjust. Just like some rural folks can't ever really adjust to the city. I've lived in both and adjusted ok to both, but rural always feels better than city for me. There's no sin in having a preference either way, you just have to be honest with yourself about it. If just the thought of living in the boonies causes you to feel anxious and freaky, you might really just be a city person... no amount of rationalizing all the positives of rural life is going to change the fact that you probably won't be happy there. So, my advice in that case, if you aren't sure if you really are simply a city person or just slow adjusting to rural life, is to RENT a rural place for a year or so to see if you ever settle down. Don't go out and buy a huge acreage or an expensive large fixer-upper right away.
I went from having a great deal of friends and family in the city of Milwaukee to State College, PA right after college. State College felt like a very small town to me, since I grew up in the Chicago area. It was a culture shock. To the natives, I was some city slicker, a real conniver, who was simply out of his element. It took me at least a year to get somewhat accustomed to it. I stayed there three years and never really felt completely comfortable though.
In hindsight, I can't believe I lasted that long. When there is one such employer in such an isolated region, you are at the mercy of that employer. Difficult to start a family and settle in the area because the company could decide at any time that you don't belong for any reason, and you're stuck. That was the scary part about it.
But it took a whole year to adjust.
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Getting enough firewood for winter, repairing the driveway and fences, getting and maintaining power and water, laying in enough food and supplies for the season... important.
At least a year
