Examples of Visitiation when parents live in 2 different states (where to stay, houses)

[RoseBlossom]

Hi I'm going through a custody battle right now, and the gist is that I live in NC, my ex lives in CA, and after having the kids with me since march 2009 (I came to visit family over here, and decided to stay since I have nothing financially stable in CA in July 2009, and we didn't have a custody arrangement, and he gave me verbal permission) until October, he has them in California, and the mediator wrote that she recommends that I have the kids in California one week out of the month, and they can come visit me for two weeks every three months.I don't have the money to do that nor anywhere to stay in California for that week. I just wanted to know if anyone else lives in a different state than the other parent of their children and what, if any, visitation arrangement or agreement they came up with? Thanks. Also a little background info: the kids are 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old, and they have a little sister (who resides with me) who they were both attached to. I've been told that Californian courts try to keep ppl in California even if its not the best interest of the child, and due to 'family and community connections' they use this to reason their decisions.

[dweej]

Friends of mine growing up lived in NC with their mom most of the year, and went to their dad's place in CA for summer break and every other Christmas. Now I know your kids don't have summer break yet, but something along those lines might be better than trying to fly once or twice every month. That would get insane.

[ferretkona]

My brother moved to NY from here. He got his daughter for a few weeks in summer and every other holiday.

CA is just trying to protect the children. As in my brothers case he decided to move, so all costs of visits were his responsibility. As far as trying to keep the children in CA, if they leave they are no longer residents of CA are they? You state you don't have the money. Build up so you can have a stronger case.

[1200RT]

My parents went thru a divorce when I was seven. My dad moved to LA, and my mom (and i) stayed in NYC Suburbs. Thankfully, it was a "clean" divorce, and very civil. I spent the school year back east and summers and vacations in LA.

Growing up it was great traveling back and forth - but still sad when you think about it.

Good luck.

[RoseBlossom]

I don't understand about protecting the children, how are they doing that? they are taking them away from their main caregiver. I see what other posters say about going back and forth, definitely gets supremely expensive. I had hoped to have the kids and have their dad see them summers, breaks and so on, or even have him have them for one month out of every three months. i could put background info if anyone wants. and thanks

[steelstress]

Children that young, going back and forth so often is a recipe for disaster (for the kids). Any chance dad can move to NY?

[Buburuza 1313]

are you kidding me?this is absolut crazy...sorry,this is what i think..how can you move little children like this 1,5 and 2,5 back and forth???????this is insane!!another mother in my neighborhhod has the kids 4 day from a week and 3 days the father has them (they live close,but still insane..they have 2 houses,2 differnet lives and VERY BAD pshyhological problems because of it)...and many other similar cases..are in this country no psyhologues,who can confirm that sharing the children this way is absolutely damaging???
especially so little children,they belong to mother!!no european dgudge would separate them so small from their mother or share them in such a stupid way!!!

it is not about the money but it is absolutely damaging pshyhological,but nobody cares hier..The fathers in europe get the smaller kids for short time in summer and every other holiday..the bigger kids every 14 days,if they live close...they need to have a place,a nest,their friends,not be moved and back and forth...
i am not sure,i want my child to have children in this country,where children are shared like objects and not like human beings...defenetely not in the interest of teh child!

[Screw Sacramento]

Originally Posted by RoseBlossom

I've been told that Californian courts try to keep ppl in California even if its not the best interest of the child, and due to 'family and community connections' they use this to reason their decisions.

Ca's so full of s***. Try not to get divorced there if you can help it. Sounds like you might be bound there now because of the kids and custody arrangement.

I've heard that if an ex-husband paying child support gets remarried, his first wife can petition to have the child support raised based on the second wife's salary. So much here that doesn't make sense.