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What I learned then as a young 24 year old, and what I know now as a 40 year old about the city.
First off, I love SD- it's beautiful, but it's so different than in 1998. I sadly can say I'd prefer to live in North County than SD proper. It's falling apart! Streets need repair, trash all over etc. It's also way too busy for me. I only venture to the city when I have to.
I moved to San Diego fresh out of college without a job and 5k in savings, so I have a pretty good first hand experience. I drove out in my Honda Civic at age 24 with all my belongings. I rented a room for only $400 a month in Point Loma. This was 1998 after all. When others trusted each other. I found her on a roomate service and even mailed her a check sight unseen! How times have changed. That lasted 1 month as she ended up having her boyfriend always sleeping over. He ate my food and drank my beer without asking. I then rented a dingy OB studio that used to be a garage I think.....common in SD area. It was $550 a month. That lasted 6 mos, as the smell of ice cooking and constant noise got to me. I then found a nice roomate and we settled in PB for a few years. Again, cheaply- $900 for a 2 bed, so $450 a piece. I moved 2 more times to La Jolla UTC, and then eventually downtown before moving out of state. The place can make you or break you. My advice is to stay true to yourself and try to 'make it'.
I had a boyfriend from day one, we stayed together several years before I had to endure the San Diego dating scene. Men my age making 30k a year, living with a houseful of guys, driving expensive cars and trying to 'act rich' or those who were actually making a good living and nothing I did was good enough for them so they went from barbie doll to barbie doll, refusing to settle down.
In 1998, the only job I could get with a Masters Degree in Counseling was at a residential facility paying $12. At the time, the roughly 25k a year seemed a lot for a 24 year old. However, I got sucked into the 'cali' girl lifestyle. I had drinks in PB every Thur, Fri, Sat night and shopped at Forever 21 every weekend for the newest styles. Even though it was $20 here or there....it ended up in serious credit debt. I kept advancing career wise between 2000-2006, had two other jobs at Scripps and then Children's which paid decently. Before I left, I was making 52k a year. However, my circle of friends and things I valued was so scewed. These girls who either A-made 40k a year yet acted like they made 100k or B- spoiled native trust fund girls where their parents paid for everything, made me insecure. Some of them were downright nasty people. I remember having a few of what I thought were 'friends' over to my first own apartment. I had a wine I bought and was serving, and one girl felt it wasn't 'good enough' so she made a comment. She also commented she lived in 'real La jolla west of the 5' not where I did. I felt I had to 'keep up with the Jones'" so to speak. I upgraded to a BMW, I rented a downtown loft, I shopped at Nordstrom for the latest fashion, I dined at downtown restaurants eating overpriced food with these supposed friends. All this got me? 30k in credit card debt and an inability to survive in San Diego. At age 32, I said goodbye to the downward spiral my life had taken.
I moved to Reno to take a job out of desperation. The low rent and low housing was the draw. Even though I made 38k to start, my take home pay was more than in CA at 52k a year! As I was county, I had no SDI, no state income tax, half medicare paid, and a paid pension. When the crash came in 2008, I was stuck in a 44k year bracket, but at least had job security. In San Diego I was one paycheck away from being homeless and had a car lease, credit card payments, and school loan debt up to my eyeballs. I hated literally every single year I was in Reno, Nevada. I then transferred to Las Vegas. Both places were awful! Everyone was downright angry and uneducated. No one in either of these places commented on where I lived or my outfits. It seemed like mere survival for everyone. The only real benefit was that I paid off ever last single credit card debt, drove an older car, and grew up. My values in the past 8 years dramatically shifted.
A few months ago I was offered a chance to get back to San Diego for a very good job, paying 65k a year with full paid benefits. I visited several times, and stayed only in North County. I saw it so differently. I no longer care about what car I have. Yes, I have a paid off passat, so it's not shabby, but I don't only see BMWs and Mercedes. I see anything from a 1970 VW to a 2013 Mercedes and everything in between. I'm not sure what I was thinking as far as dress, but it's way casual and not all that 'trendy'. I sort of laugh at my desire to fit in years ago. Now it's Ross, Target, or Marshall's for me. I don't care where I live as long as it's safe, clean, and decent. I'm renting a casita in Carlsbad until I can get my own condo, which is now manageable due to the savings I moved with. I grocery shop at Ralph's or farms stands, no fancy Whole Foods for me. I rarely eat out, and prepare all my meals at home. If a person I barely know states (like one did last week) 'oh my God you use Loreal makeup? I'd never, I only use MAC' I smile sweetly, walk away, and have zero contact. How important is eye shadow in the realm of life???? My activities rarely involve drinking, partying, shopping etc. I now hike, go to yoga for free at my gym, swim, learn to surf, and go to church. I only socialize with truly nice people I like who appreciate me purchasing a bottle of wine while we watch a movie whether the wine is $10 or $50. I don't need my own version of San Diego housewives in my life!
San Diego is what you make of it. Yes, it can be incredibly difficult and a rat race so to speak with others trying to make you fail. It's competitive. However, it's your life I've learned. It can be done cheaply if you are flexible in where you live.
Advice
Live anywhere affordably that's safe- North Park, University Heights, Hillcrest, Kensington, OB etc (who cares what others say- are they paying your rent????)
Shop affordably- I get the most darling outfits at Marshall's for cheap and keep it to myself. No one needs to know my outfit was so cheap, let them think I shop at Saks.
Food- I only shop for food at Ralphs or food stands and only spend $75 a week no matter what. I can eat 3 meals a day on this.
Drinking- only happy hour, no more expensive nights out.
Entertainment - outside enjoyment or a redbox. I try to earn AMC movie giftcards with my credit card every year. I use as many groupons and social living purchases as I can for things- massages, facials, trips, nails etc.
Job- Only take a job that pays all your bills and leaves you with savings each month. You might need it.
Car- drive something old and reliable, get the gas app, drive only when need be. I bike everywhere I can on the weekends.
Dealing with the crowds- develop a routine on off nights to get groceries or run errands. Weekends are crazy. I take every Thursday after work for necessities to avoid the Sat Target or Ralph's rush.
Love- Beach, Sun, Ocean, Seafood, Mexican, Friendly and warm people I am now attracting due to my change of mind. Small things in life like a sunset or a beach jog or picking shells.....
Dislike- traffic and overcrowding and everything is 'older' I like the charming side of it, but got spoiled living for very little in a brand new place before moving here. I adjusted and wouldn't trade it, but just an observation. Some of the individuals I still run into (and avoid) who insist on needing to know my salary or how much I pay for things or where I bought something they are jealous of.....I run!
Thanks so much for taking the time to share your story with us! It was interesting to read your story.
Funny reading about the guys your age all living with a houseful of other guys, driving expensive cars and trying to act rich. LOL. I’m sure some things never change in San Diego. Plenty of that still going on today.
Your “friends” sounded like truly nasty trash. NO WAY anyone should resort to hanging out with people like that. No matter what city you are living in. I can’t even imagine anyone I know acting that way towards someone else. You can sure bet I would NEVER hang out with anyone that would treat someone like that.
You can take comfort that there are a lot of people that get into that spiral of debt here. I knew several people that had that kind of life. During the housing boom, when they could take equity out of their house and use it as a virtual ATM machine, things were GREAT! They were living in expensive houses (that they couldn’t afford). They were driving cars (that they couldn’t afford), they were taking trips (that they couldn’t afford).
It sounds like you learned a good lesson living in Nevada. And you have also learned to live within your means. It’s better you figured that out earlier in life vs. later in life.
Besides the high cost of housing/real estate, San Diego can be done quite reasonably. Especially if you have your car paid off. Electricity and utilities are much lower vs. many places. Car insurance is lower vs. many places. Quite honestly, I haven't really met many fashionistas here. Most people here could care less what you are wearing. Quite different vs. MANY major cities.
There are also a TON of things that don’t cost anything. Enjoying the beach and walking down by the ocean are free and truly priceless! Beats the depressing scene of Reno I’m sure!
Congratulations and hopefully this time around your journey in San Diego is much more positive.
What I learned then as a young 24 year old, and what I know now as a 40 year old about the city.
First off, I love SD- it's beautiful, but it's so different than in 1998. I sadly can say I'd prefer to live in North County than SD proper. It's falling apart! Streets need repair, trash all over etc. It's also way too busy for me. I only venture to the city when I have to..........
Your story shows how we have the power to shape our own environment. Our stories are very similar, thanks for sharing. Your values & experiences are very on par with mine. I also left SD in the late 90's & have the opportunity to come back but am still thinking about it. I am taking a little field trip there this summer to help me decide. I am sad to learn that SD central is littered & run down! It sounds like it's becoming quite urbanized.
Last edited by Walkthetalk; 06-04-2013 at 06:53 PM..
Men my age making 30k a year, living with a houseful of guys, driving expensive cars and trying to 'act rich' or those who were actually making a good living and nothing I did was good enough for them so they went from barbie doll to barbie doll, refusing to settle down.
Thanks for sharing such personal details of your life 2ndM2SD! Nothing like the lessons one learns from the school of hard knocks, eh? It brought back memories of my own youthful follies (and everyone has their own, I am sure, if only a different shade or color). Still, all those bruises makes one relish life better afterwards if one wisens up enough to live within and not look outside for meaning and satisfaction.
Congratulations on your success and all the best with life in SD.
I had a boyfriend from day one, we stayed together several years before I had to endure the San Diego dating scene. Men my age making 30k a year, living with a houseful of guys, driving expensive cars and trying to 'act rich' or those who were actually making a good living and nothing I did was good enough for them so they went from barbie doll to barbie doll, refusing to settle down.
Men shouldn't settle down, especially men with options and means. Men with superior resources will seek out the most attractive females. Women seek status and security in their males; men seek beauty in their females. This has been, and always will be, the way of things.
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I felt I had to 'keep up with the Jones'" so to speak. I upgraded to a BMW, I rented a downtown loft, I shopped at Nordstrom for the latest fashion, I dined at downtown restaurants eating overpriced food with these supposed friends. All this got me? 30k in credit card debt and an inability to survive in San Diego. At age 32, I said goodbye to the downward spiral my life had taken.
Cars are the worst purchases one can make, especially if you are young. Massive depreciation. Insurance, fees, and taxes just eat money. All of it is a waste. You'd be in a much stronger financial position had you invested this money in stock and bond index funds, or even a business, where you get paid every month and quarter. Put your money in assets that pay you, not in consumer crap that increases debt.
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In San Diego I was one paycheck away from being homeless and had a car lease, credit card payments, and school loan debt up to my eyeballs.
This is most families in San Diego. California in general, and the big cities in particular, are generally horrible for young adults, and especially young families. Super-high cost of living, laughably expensive real estate, and a job market that fails to pay wages commensurate with the high cost of living, taxes, fees, etc. Unless you've got an ownership interest in tech or energy, most young families should stay the hell out of California; they'll do much better in other states where they can make more money, and bank cash hand-over-fist because the cost structure can be just a fraction of California. Basically, this state sucks if you are young and starting out.
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A few months ago I was offered a chance to get back to San Diego for a very good job, paying 65k a year with full paid benefits. I visited several times, and stayed only in North County. I saw it so differently. I no longer care about what car I have. Yes, I have a paid off passat, so it's not shabby, but I don't only see BMWs and Mercedes. I see anything from a 1970 VW to a 2013 Mercedes and everything in between. I'm not sure what I was thinking as far as dress, but it's way casual and not all that 'trendy'. I sort of laugh at my desire to fit in years ago.
This is typical of the "all hat, no cattle mindset." Buying crap you don't want or need, to impress people you either hate or don't care about. Sounds like you fell right into this trap for many years, as so many people do. The only thing that matters is productive assets. Are you investing in productive assets, like your job, your business, or your investments? If so, you can achieve real wealth, and you'll never -- ever -- care what anyone else thinks. That's because you'll have the means and the resources to not care.
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Now it's Ross, Target, or Marshall's for me. I don't care where I live as long as it's safe, clean, and decent. I'm renting a casita in Carlsbad until I can get my own condo, which is now manageable due to the savings I moved with. I grocery shop at Ralph's or farms stands, no fancy Whole Foods for me. I rarely eat out, and prepare all my meals at home. If a person I barely know states (like one did last week) 'oh my God you use Loreal makeup? I'd never, I only use MAC' I smile sweetly, walk away, and have zero contact. How important is eye shadow in the realm of life????
Why do you even care about any of this? I give thanks every day I had my own unique outlook on things. I can see reality for what it is. Have a really good insight into how petty, stupid, and vindictive people can be, and I learned this at an early age, right about the time I was graduating high school. And I learned, frankly, to ignore the opinions of a great many people, because they are lazy and fail to think critically. The world is filled with people who have lots of opinions, but zero wisdom or knowledge.
Never gave a damn what people thought. Resisted scores of people telling me what to do. Just a couple examples: I ignored scores of people telling me daily how I just had to buy a home in 2006 for the "tax writeoff" (stupid), or how I needed to get married and have kids (both dream-killers), or all the other lifeplan BS that I chucked away. I said to hell with all of it. Because I ignored them, I now have my own business. Employees who I take care of. Doing well by doing good work that helps people, and we call the shots, as we see fit. And did all this before I turned 38. This simply will never happen for those who follow the lifescript, or those care about what others think. Basically, ignore 98% of the population, who lack the vision and intestinal fortitude to examine reality and sacrifice for the long game.
Couldn't be happier with my lifescript-free, childfree life. No stupid family drama or BS, ever. I've avoided the soul-sucking child-educational-medical industrial complex, and thank freaking god for that. It was the best decision, as these leeches have no claim to my time or resources. I have zero debts. Banks can go to hell, I don't need them, ever. I laugh at bankers. If I want something, I stroke a check -- and that includes housing. Assets and means to do what I want, where I want, when I want. No petty people telling me when to report, how to dress, or to do some BS work that I don't give a damn about. When you organize your life to have no debts and minimal responsibilities/attachments to the BS consumerist lifeplan, a wealth of opportunities awaits you.
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Live anywhere affordably that's safe- North Park, University Heights, Hillcrest, Kensington, OB etc (who cares what others say- are they paying your rent????)
Shop affordably- I get the most darling outfits at Marshall's for cheap and keep it to myself. No one needs to know my outfit was so cheap, let them think I shop at Saks.
Still don't understand why you even care about this. This is so totally unimportant. Appreciate the post, but seriously, at 40, you should be light-years beyond this petty crap. It shouldn't even be a blip on your radar. If someone even hinted at this kind of time-wasting crap with me, I am telling you straight up, I'd look them straight in the eye and say, "no one F-ing cares."
First off, I love SD- it's beautiful, but it's so different than in 1998. I sadly can say I'd prefer to live in North County than SD proper. It's falling apart! Streets need repair, trash all over etc. It's also way too busy for me. I only venture to the city when I have to.
To the OP, the only thing I was curious about is what parts of SD are you claiming that is "falling apart". All these streets in repair and trash all over? I was curious about that because I'm always out and about in San Diego and I haven't noticed that. For the most part these neighborhoods are always clean and I don't see trash all over.
Can you clarify and post what areas you are seeing this in?
What I learned then as a young 24 year old, and what I know now as a 40 year old about the city.
First off, I love SD- it's beautiful, but it's so different than in 1998. I sadly can say I'd prefer to live in North County than SD proper. It's falling apart! Streets need repair, trash all over etc. It's also way too busy for me. I only venture to the city when I have to.
It was that way when I was there in 2006. I have friends -- who live in North County, mainly -- who say they would leave in a heartbeat if they could (and one has been in the same city and house for 40 years!). However, I'm moving back too, against the advice of friends. And I plan on living very similar to you. Thank you for confirming that it can be done.
Just, OP, don't say anything that even hints about SD being something other than heaven. Some SD county residents will be offended -- and the debate will be endless.
It was that way when I was there in 2006. I have friends -- who live in North County, mainly -- who say they would leave in a heartbeat if they could (and one has been in the same city and house for 40 years!). However, I'm moving back too, against the advice of friends. And I plan on living very similar to you. Thank you for confirming that it can be done.
Just, OP, don't say anything that even hints about SD being something other than heaven. Some SD county residents will be offended -- and the debate will be endless.
Fran,
Not everyone is saying that San Diego is some nirvana. (In fact, more times than not...I think I've mostly told people that it did NOT make sense in their current situation). By and large I think this San Diego forum is one of the best out there on the Internet with very objective posts for the most part. All I'm wondering is where the OP is saying that she noticed these things. San Diego isn't perfect but it sure beats most cities in the USA. But of course everyone has different opinions on things. And that is ok as well...
I think as long as people are respectful and back up their opinions for their reasons... all is good.
I'm curious...your friends that are so desperate to move out of San Diego. What are their reasons? And why not move if they are that unhappy? And which cities do they want to move to and why? Inquiring minds want to know..
Last edited by earlyretirement; 06-05-2013 at 08:09 PM..
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