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If you remember my screen name, I posted a lot a few months back when I was getting read to move from NJ to the west coast. I am a 26 year old single male and my main motive for moving was and is the weather. With the help of all the users on this forum and then my personal visits to the areas I was able to make a well thought out decision.
I was originally going to move to downtown San Diego in these nice condos in golden hill about 1/4 mile south of downtown and G street. After much research on this site and from what people were telling me about crime, immigration concerns, gang violence, and quality of life, and traffic, I decided to move to Newport Beach (Orange County). I moved in March of this year so I have 6 months under my belt of living and being here.
immediately upon moving I was obviously enamored with the weather and overwhelm with the beautiful scenic beaches, lovely plam trees, and constant sushine. While I am still ecstatic about the weather and ability to enjoy golf year-round, there are several other things I have had to time think about and analyze. I need everyone's help here today with good responses and ideas to my following statements and questions which in my opinion apply to about 85% of the people (NOT EVERYONE) I have been meeting out here, but in more cases true than not:
1. People of Orange County have motives for speaking with you. They want to get ahead or benefit from being around you. If they feel you cannot help them or benefit them in some way they will most likely not offer up their time or commit to more than a few seconds of petty conversations.
2. The first question out of virtually every person's mouth I have met is "Sooo, what do you do?" This comes even before What is your name? or So Where Do you Live? Or you would think a normal one would be What do you do for fun? but no, it is always "Sooo, what do you do?" I feel as if I am being qualified by people so that they can be sure I am good enough or make enough money or are in a high enough social/economic class to relate or understand them. It is really a joke. I take offense to someone asking me that question right away without getting to know me for me. Am I wrong for thinking this? I can't say on the east coast people asked me what I did in the first few breaths. Am I overreacting or reading into this? I mean it comes from any person, 20 years old, 40 years old, 70 years old, Everyone!
3. The priorities of people tend to be #1 their car, #2 their status, #3 their zip code, #4 success, #5 power/status, #6 self-indulgence.
Can anyone relate to this? Again, this is not EVERYONE, but MOST people I am meeting out here. I feel as if I should be dangling my key chain to get approval before talking to girls out here, it's really really sad. Many people out here seem to have no concern for life outside of their "own space." I describe it as being socially retarded, it almost seems like people are unable to effectively communicate and socialize with people on a more in depth conversation rather than petty, materialistic issues. And when people do talk about other things besides materialistic concerns, it is always about politics or religion, lol. I am a Christian and I feel like there are a lot of fakers out here who talk the talk but do not walk the walk. At Church I constantly see girls in their 20's, 30's, 40's, or even older (cougars) dressed seductively...at church! What's up with that? Makes no sense to me.
4. The actual area of OC seems to lack much culture to me. I feel like everything is too "perfect". I mean it is wonderful that there is little or no crime, virtually no litter, everything is super clean, but I feel like everything is too structured and made to be modeled. There is no difference in driving through cities, everything pretty much looks the same, There are really no communities. Whether you live in Irvine, Newport Beach, Huntington Beach, etc. everything is almost the same looking: Strip Malls, Restaurant Chains, and Gas Stations. I really don't see many stand alone shops, restaurants, or shopping establishments. Pretty much everything is in one giant supermall, or district... like the fashion island, south coast plaza, irvine spectrum, and the little promenades in each town. I miss having small mom and pop restaurants that are standalone, and different places to walk to, everything here you have to drive to each shopping area and then you have a nice selection of various places. I guess one reason might be b/c the cost of land out here, everyone teams up to lease in a mall rather than trying to afford a stand alone shop. But I dunno i feel like it makes the culture a bit boring.
Regarding culture, I feel like everyone is white (I am white) and its not bad that its this way for me as it makes me a bit more comfortable to people I am but in a way variety isnt bad, i mean i wish there were different people, every girl out here is blonde with blue eyes, its gross, and if they aren't blonde, they are dyed, and its a gross gross fake blonde hair.
5. The activities, fun-factor, and life experiences for a mid 20's to early 30's single guy or gal. I feel that the fun factor sort of stinks out here. The beaches are fantastic, lot of social life, parties, people hanging out, great looking beaches, nice water, and great landscapes. But the nightlife sort of stinks, I think there are 3 clubs- sutra, tentation, and the new one called fury. Most of the nightlife is dive bars along balboa peninsula. All flip flop clad and surfer crowd. Huntington Beach is nuts, i hear of people beating up out of towners who try to surf, how sad is that. what a bunch of nuts, the theory is "you are stealing my wave, learn the rules before you come out" That is just plain nuts. I don't surf but I think it is stupid to hear that behavior. Ok the restaurants out here are DELICIOUS!! Possibly some of the best restaurants ever, but again you pay for it out here, very expensive. Now the nightlife in SD seemed awesome (GASLAMP Area) Are there any other fun modern, trendy, upscale spots in SD besides downtown? I heard PB and MB but I think that is that kick back flip flop beach bar scene, right? So I ask In SD is downtown it for activities, nightlife, etc? Or is there more? What would be the good beaches? Where would be a good spot to live and work to have a nice proximity to beaches, activities, nightlife?
6. The intelligence of people out here seems pitiful. It doesn't add up to me that people are super wealthy here but they lack the common sense of squirrel. I can be having a conversation with someone and say something like "So how is your day going?" you might get a random off the wall IRRELEVANT reply "I am hungry" or "Where do you want to go?" It is like these people are space cadets, they live in their own little bubble and pay no attention to people around them and are only concerned about how their life is going and how they are progessing through life. They rarely waste time on other people or listening to what they have to say or working on building an authentic, genuine relationship. Again, this is not EVERYONE, but most...although I did meet a really good friend that I can rely on out here and he is a native Cali guy but he also agrees most of the people out here are wacked. It seems like it is more extreme in Newport Beach though. The tv shows aren't that far off of describing how people are out here!
7. The costs. I was in SD and could of bought a SMALL 1 br Condo for about 220K this was in february, i think it was a great deal! I am renting in Newport Beach right now for a slightly larger 1 br apartment at $1575/m. not bad for the area, but I could of mortgaged that condo in golden hill for about the same price, and OWNED IT!! Are the prices THAT much more up here? If SD is that much cheaper I am really thinking more about wow maybe I should move there after my lease and buy a place. But my #1 concern is not the cost of living, I am willing to buck up a little more for a better quality of life, but im not sure im paying more and getting more up here. I am really scared to live here and have kids and raise them in this lifestyle. People pamper the heck out of their dogs and are super spoiled. It truly is a playground for the rich and famous. I just feel like coming from a middle class down to earth environment, the jump to live with the elite is making me awkward and im not used to the stuffiness and focus on materialism and money. The only benefit to it is im in investment management and people out here are MORE than willing to discuss money and talk about their investments lol. I wonder if SD has better people and better upbringings, values, society, culture? I know it is up to you to be the standout, but it is hard to seperate and be an example when it seems 85% of the people are opposite of you.
Ok so my ultimate reason for this ongoing commenting/analysis of my experiences out here is to try to get feedback/help from YOU to see if San Diego (or another area) is any better than the Newport Beach area regarding personalities and qualities of people and life here? My main concern is #1 WEATHER, #2 Fun things to do for a 26 yr old single guy, #3 Good quality of life (air, proximity to beaches, restaurants, clean safe), #4 good people, or at least less flaky, self-absorbed, money driven people!
Please advise and share your thoughts, insight, observations, and suggestions on to a different area in California, maybe a different town in OC? or a completely different area like SD, and where in SD, or somewhere else! I really appreciate this site and everyone's help and commitment to sharing their thoughts!
To a degree I think you are reading more meaning into it than there really is. If you were in college the first question would be "sooo, what's your major?" The "what do you do?" question is just an innocuous ice breaker. And what you do would say more about you than where you live, especially since people are constantly moving around.
RE: #3 "Predatory Church Ladies"
Church is for marriage, bars are for sex. Women in the marriage market go to where they think the marriage minded men are. But just because they are good church ladies doesn't mean they are clueless to what it takes to bait and hook a man.
RE: #4 "uniformity"
That sounds about right. 90% of Orange County was built after WWII in the age of autosprawl so you get that uniform feel with there being no real "center" to the county. It is after all, a large 3 million person suburb that's segregated itself by income from the rest of the LA metro area. It's the Westchester/Fairfield County of Southern California without retaining any sense of history that might have developed in a previous century.
San Diego, while it is also 3 million people spans the entire spectrum within that population. All the social strata and cultural permutations exist within San Diego. San Diego has various centerless autosprawl communities, plus older communities that have retained their original character, or have had character redeveloped into them.
RE: #5 "nightlife"
The Gaslamp isn't the only nightlife in San Diego, but it is the only area where you have that kind of intensity in one spot. Del Mar has some fun bars and restaurants, but it isn't that wall-to-wall people you get in the Gaslamp. I believe La Jolla, UTC, and the Harbor area of San Diego have some clubs, bars, music spots, as do various other neighborhoods such as Hillcrest, Little Italy, and Coronado, and to a lesser extent Kensington and Mission Hills. The only other area that resembles the Gaslamp to any great extent is PB/MB, and you've accurately described the vibe there.
RE: #6 "intellectual life"
I don't doubt there is a high degree of non-intellectualism on the west coast, but there is also a different sort of intellectual etiquette out here. People in California are very leery of engaging in an in depth conversation that could lead to uncomfortable topics that could violate the "rules" of conversation. Here in Pleasantville all conversations are to be of a pleasant and temperate nature. Speaking your mind is generally NOT done with people you don't know. And getting confrontational on hot topics is definitely frowned upon. New Yorkers in particular are flummoxed by this. NYers think CAers are false, and CAers think NYers are rude. Frankly, I was quite surprised politics and religion were willingly discussed. That usually isn't done with people until you know them, though I guess people might do that when they believe they will never see you again and so are putting no stock in the relationship continuing.
Last edited by kettlepot; 08-28-2007 at 02:31 AM..
hey great response to my original post there.
i did get a few chuckles in!
it sounds like my thoughts aren't too far off.
again much of my post was a generalization but i did put the disclaimer in there that "this is my experience" and it appears 85% (estimate) of the people i meet are like this.
that is a great way to look at the church thing, i guess that is true, if a girl wants to pick up a guy, whether church goeing or not, they should dress attractive to catch the eye of their potential mate. but i think it is a bit overdone out here, or at least at my church. i mean geez i want to go to church to get a "checkup" and as a young guy the sexuality/lust thing is probably the biggest battle for single guys! so the provocative attire certainly doesn't help me or anyone else stay on the right path.
in any case, do you or does anyone else have any comments on suggestions in areas of orange county that are a bit tamed down with the wealth/money focus? newport beach seems to be THE SPOT for wealth/luxury/cars/service/materialism. I want something a bit less than this, that would be wonderful, preferably a lot less focused on money. My God, I miss pulling up to an early 90's car and feeling great about my 2006 honda accord! lol out here i feel like wow when am i going to become a success, its like you are almost forced into competing with people, i will do my best to avoid the jones' concept.
I think you have some East Coast expectations of community that are not in synch with the west coast. For instance, The West Coast is Image Conscious, dye your hair, have a big car, big house, etc. East Coast is very Status Conscious, people wear wrinkly mismatched clothes to project the 'hurried professor type' look, but the Gucci tag is hanging out conspicuously. Although there are lots of mom'n'pop gems scattered throughout San Diego, if you are expecting Brooklyn, its not on the left coast. However, I think it's fair to say that people in SD aren't running in the West Coast Fast lane as in Newport Beach.
Now I bet I've started a fight. Oh Well, I hope no one is insulted. I adore the the West Coast and the lifestyle.
Hmm well you shoulda bought that condo in SD This city has theater, culture ( my ex-New York friends enjoy it, and they're hard to please ) lots of churches for you , good indie music scene, night life in downtown, PB, La Jolla, also in the fun funky neighborhoods of North Park, Hillcrest, South Park, University Heights, Normal Heights. . .
Hey dakicka...great observations for someone that has only been out here 6 months. You hit the nail on the head. San Diego people are the nicest and easiest to approach. Gaslamp is cool, and there are other areas like ocean beach, point loma, and mission beach where the people are friendly as well. When you get up into la jolla and del mar, the attitude's are similar to those of laguna and newport beach. It looks like you are quite aware of the oc vs sd "scene" and if moving to san diego is what you feel, then do it. Orange County will suck the life out of you.
I think you have some East Coast expectations of community that are not in synch with the west coast. For instance, The West Coast is Image Conscious, dye your hair, have a big car, big house, etc. East Coast is very Status Conscious, people wear wrinkly mismatched clothes to project the 'hurried professor type' look, but the Gucci tag is hanging out conspicuously. Although there are lots of mom'n'pop gems scattered throughout San Diego, if you are expecting Brooklyn, its not on the left coast. However, I think it's fair to say that people in SD aren't running in the West Coast Fast lane as in Newport Beach.
Now I bet I've started a fight. Oh Well, I hope no one is insulted. I adore the the West Coast and the lifestyle.
is there really any difference between image conscious and status conscious? aren't image and status roughly the same thing?
I lived up in Orange County for a bit, visit often enough (Laguna, Newport, etc), fly out of the John Wayne Airport all the time, and I probably spend more time in the OC & LA these days than San diego. There are plenty of people who will tell you San Diego is lame when it comes to nightlife. There are some clubs, but compared to LA or Vegas, it's more pretend than great. It's just a bit cheaper in the relative sense. Vegas and bottle service is out of this world. San Diego and bottle service is just expensive.
But living in Newport or Laguna will be like living in Del Mar or La Jolla. There won't be much to do for a 25 year old guy who isn't part of the million dollar club. There might be some nice restaurants, beautiful people to look at now and again, but there are also a lot of older people, young people with rich parents, and a bar or two. Orange County isn't really a 'city' kind of place. it's more 'suburbia' feel and expensive as hell in many parts. But you'd be close to irvine and even LA and there are far more jobs in those areas than anything SD has to offer.
I'm glad you learned your lesson, but thinking Newport would be like Gaslamp was your biggest mistake.
As far as the other thoughts, it's east coast vs west coast. And if you think people in OC aren't business or intellectual enough for you, I'm not sure how you are going to like San diego. SD has far more drifters and flakes whereas OC has more of the rat race mentality. So if you thought OC was inferior to the east coast and NJ, SD is gonna be a culture shock for the most part. There are many people who just come to SD to never grow up regardless of age.
yeah once you are out of college (and sometimes still in college) "what do you do" is the typical first question you will get, its not rude people just don't know what else to talk about, this is definitely not just OC.
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Oh Well, I hope no one is insulted. I adore the the West Coast and the lifestyle.
This city has theater, culture ( my ex-New York friends enjoy it, and they're hard to please ) lots of churches for you , good indie music scene, night life in downtown, PB, La Jolla, also in the fun funky neighborhoods of North Park, Hillcrest, South Park, University Heights, Normal Heights. . . 
Sd
