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I moved to San diego 7 months ago. I don't regret it, it was a change I needed, but living here doesn't feel permanent. I grew up in the DC area and was there for most of my life. I had always dreamed of moving to California one day, and i was slowly getting tired of the crowd of people in DC. I'm a software engineer, I can find work anywhere so in that sense i'm blessed. I heard how laid back everyone was in SD, and that seemed like a relief from how pretentious people could be in DC, but jesus christ this is getting a little ridiculous. 9/10 people i meet are in some sort of service industry job/ hourly semi skilled contractor position. No one here seems to have a drive to better themselves at all, they just want to make their $9/hr come home get trashed and smoke 9 bowls. I feel like i'm constantly around 30 year old 18 year olds. I'm 26 myself and i consider myself pretty laid back, I like going out drinking and having a good time, but I can't have a good time when everyone is falling over themselves and slurring every word.
Granted my view of san diego is a bit skewed, I'm in PB, but honestly other areas don't feel much better. In OB i cant tell who's homeless and who lives there, and i get high just walking down newport. In north park I see a mixture of people who belong in PB, and a mixture of people who wish it was portland. I've been called somewhat of a hipster myself, and generally i get a long with people who are a bit hipsterish, but this feels like a completely different breed Downtown I see tourists (gas lamp and little italy), and the people from pb dressed up like it's LA.
Don't get me wrong, If i had a group of friends out here, or I came with a wife/ family/ girlfriend, my view would probably be different, I'm also battling a change of environment and leaving everyone I know behind. But when I think about it, every time i've taken trips to other cities/ countries, i have no problem meeting other people and blending in in a short amount of time (NYC, and puerto rico for example), but out here i've sort of exausted myself trying to make conversation. I can't talk about music because the scene out here is very reggae based, and music is one of the things I connect most with other people.
San diego is beautiful though, when I got here one of the first things I thought was "wow, these people probably don't even appreciate the palm tress, and the views of mountains, beaches and valleys" And honestly, I feel like i've become one of those people. In my time here i've tried out for 3 different bands, which were all more like a weed smoking session. I have joined many meet up groups and have gone to many events which have all felt a bit awkward and forced. I'm not very athletic, but I played on a ymca soccer team for a bit. I tried picking up surfing, and finally, the one thing i've fell in love with, is scuba diving, I got certified here, and i try going out every week, its pretty much the one thing i have to look forward to.
Don't get me wrong, i've met some cool people out here, just no one I felt like "yes, this is awesome, I want to hang out with them again". Also, i've been having a hard time dating, the scene out here just feels different. I even tried the online thing for a bit and was not having any success. As an example, I got tinder out here, and for weeks would struggle to get a single match which would then turn into 3 line conversations. I figured it just wasn't for me, or that I just wasn't attractive enough for superficial dating. I spent 2 days in austin and got 10 matches, I then visited back home and over the period of a weekend I got over 20 matches, so I really don't know how to explain that.
I don't really know what the point of this post was, I guess I was just sharing my thoughts and was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience. I have been told that san francisco would be better suited for me so i'm considering making a move out there if things don't pick up around here, but for now, i'll fight my way through all the backward flat brim hat tank topped dudes to get a beer.
I moved to San diego 7 months ago. I don't regret it, it was a change I needed, but living here doesn't feel permanent. I grew up in the DC area and was there for most of my life. I had always dreamed of moving to California one day, and i was slowly getting tired of the crowd of people in DC. I'm a software engineer, I can find work anywhere so in that sense i'm blessed. I heard how laid back everyone was in SD, and that seemed like a relief from how pretentious people could be in DC, but jesus christ this is getting a little ridiculous. 9/10 people i meet are in some sort of service industry job/ hourly semi skilled contractor position. No one here seems to have a drive to better themselves at all, they just want to make their $9/hr come home get trashed and smoke 9 bowls. I feel like i'm constantly around 30 year old 18 year olds. I'm 26 myself and i consider myself pretty laid back, I like going out drinking and having a good time, but I can't have a good time when everyone is falling over themselves and slurring every word.
SD is a major tourist city. You will run into this in SF too. Actually, SF and SD have more in common than you think. That said, 30 year old 18 year olds is a pretty spot on assessment of the PB/MB/OB areas. It's the overpriced babysitter of SD youth, and sadly, some never leave, as if there were nowhere else in the world that existed.
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Originally Posted by iamdro
Granted my view of san diego is a bit skewed, I'm in PB, but honestly other areas don't feel much better. In OB i cant tell who's homeless and who lives there, and i get high just walking down newport. In north park I see a mixture of people who belong in PB, and a mixture of people who wish it was portland. I've been called somewhat of a hipster myself, and generally i get a long with people who are a bit hipsterish, but this feels like a completely different breed Downtown I see tourists (gas lamp and little italy), and the people from pb dressed up like it's LA.
Everywhere in SD has a distinct flavor. We're not called the City of a Thousand Neighborhoods for nothing. That's because LA, like SD, like most of CA, is urban sprawl. Also, I carry an array of costumes/outfits to blend into any given neighborhood just to make friends. (Kidding, but now that I think about it, not a bad idea.)
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Originally Posted by iamdro
Don't get me wrong, If i had a group of friends out here, or I came with a wife/ family/ girlfriend, my view would probably be different, I'm also battling a change of environment and leaving everyone I know behind. But when I think about it, every time i've taken trips to other cities/ countries, i have no problem meeting other people and blending in in a short amount of time (NYC, and puerto rico for example), but out here i've sort of exausted myself trying to make conversation. I can't talk about music because the scene out here is very reggae based, and music is one of the things I connect most with other people.
This goes for anything. I moved out here alone, and was lucky enough to make dozens of friends in less than a month, and falling in love in three. These days, I'm a bachelor, and life isn't as exciting as it once was. This is due to going to school full-time and working part-time. It's hard making friends while being driven, I will admit.
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Originally Posted by iamdro
San diego is beautiful though, when I got here one of the first things I thought was "wow, these people probably don't even appreciate the palm tress, and the views of mountains, beaches and valleys" And honestly, I feel like i've become one of those people. In my time here i've tried out for 3 different bands, which were all more like a weed smoking session. I have joined many meet up groups and have gone to many events which have all felt a bit awkward and forced. I'm not very athletic, but I played on a ymca soccer team for a bit. I tried picking up surfing, and finally, the one thing i've fell in love with, is scuba diving, I got certified here, and i try going out every week, its pretty much the one thing i have to look forward to.
Try making friends with your scuba pals.
Quote:
Originally Posted by iamdro
Don't get me wrong, i've met some cool people out here, just no one I felt like "yes, this is awesome, I want to hang out with them again". Also, i've been having a hard time dating, the scene out here just feels different. I even tried the online thing for a bit and was not having any success. As an example, I got tinder out here, and for weeks would struggle to get a single match which would then turn into 3 line conversations. I figured it just wasn't for me, or that I just wasn't attractive enough for superficial dating. I spent 2 days in austin and got 10 matches, I then visited back home and over the period of a weekend I got over 20 matches, so I really don't know how to explain that.
Keep trying. Just not *too* hard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by iamdro
I don't really know what the point of this post was, I guess I was just sharing my thoughts and was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience. I have been told that san francisco would be better suited for me so i'm considering making a move out there if things don't pick up around here, but for now, i'll fight my way through all the backward flat brim hat tank topped dudes to get a beer.
I completely understand your frustrations with SD. Personally, I remind myself to stay focused on what I want so the rest doesn't matter.
You are in PB and OB, the party towns of S Cal. I went through this but I liked that environment in my early 20s. You need to get away from the beach! What other interests? Cycling? Hiking? Take a class at night for something computer related and you'll be with the crowd about your age.
When I first moved here it took me right at 1 year to get solid footing. I moved from PB at age 30 cause it started to feel like I was surrounded by HS kids in the bars even though they were (allegedly) 21. Every apt I rented was surrounded by stoners and partiers.
If I were you, I'd explore and expand your friendship base and probably meet people outside of the area you live. It can be like a mini culture shock for you to go from a city like DC where so many young professionals are focused on their careers to San Diego where there are a lot of people the same age that could case less about their careers. (And probably will never have a professional career).
I'd say you probably need to hang out with people a little bit older as well. When I was 26 I was mostly hanging out with professionals older than me. I'd say that will probably be essential as well in a town like San Diego. What about the people you work with? The other engineers and professionals? Maybe they are all married and you don't have anything in common with them?
Did you try some Meetup groups? There are DEFINITELY some quality and class acts here that you can easily meet up with. It's not too difficult to make friends here if you put some effort out there.
I agree with 1ATP that the problem is that you're in PB and OB and the people in that area can be really immature. I've seen it many times when I went there. I mentioned it on another thread but my wife and I were eating there in PB the other day and we ran into some 30 something year old guys behaving like teen agers. We couldn't believe it. Here were probably 35 year old guys and they were twisting one another's nipples, hitting each other, trying to pull the chest hair off of one another and laughing and giggling. It was hilarious to see. And no they weren't drunk.
How are you currently meeting new friends now? Do you go to the gym, in any clubs/activities, go to church? Etc? It doesn't sound like what you're doing is working so you need to expand a bit outside of your bubble.
I have been out here for a week and already met some quality people. most people here I met seem genuine and when I meet other transplants, they have made plenty of friends. for example, my housemate, he moved out here alone 3 yrs ago and has plenty of good friends here....
I lived in OB from about age 20 -23 (1996-1999 or so). I made a lot of friends, but everyone was a partier. After a couple of years I saw a segment of my friends move away (usually back to their parent's house), another segment fell into drugs / hardcore partying, and realizing I didn't want to just live a party lifestyle forever, I moved out, never looked back, and rarely visit those beach cities anymore. Living in those areas, partying is part of the lifestyle, and generally, if you are career driven, you wont be happy for a long time.
The Flying Dutchman, thanks for your response, i've tried most of the things you mentioned but maybe I just need to give it some more time.
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You are in PB and OB, the party towns of S Cal. I went through this but I liked that environment in my early 20s. You need to get away from the beach! What other interests? Cycling? Hiking? Take a class at night for something computer related and you'll be with the crowd about your age.
When I first moved here it took me right at 1 year to get solid footing. I moved from PB at age 30 cause it started to feel like I was surrounded by HS kids in the bars even though they were (allegedly) 21. Every apt I rented was surrounded by stoners and partiers.
Nope, I don't like hiking or cycling, I feel that my surfing and scuba diving is active enough for me. I have no interest or need to go back to school, the next step would be a masters and thats just not something I want to do right now, or in SD even.
I have hung out in northpark hillcrest and downtown as well as lajolla probably as much as I have in PB, i'm still seeing the same kinds of people, though in hillcrest they're generally gay versions.
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If I were you, I'd explore and expand your friendship base and probably meet people outside of the area you live. It can be like a mini culture shock for you to go from a city like DC where so many young professionals are focused on their careers to San Diego where there are a lot of people the same age that could case less about their careers. (And probably will never have a professional career).
I'd say you probably need to hang out with people a little bit older as well. When I was 26 I was mostly hanging out with professionals older than me. I'd say that will probably be essential as well in a town like San Diego. What about the people you work with? The other engineers and professionals? Maybe they are all married and you don't have anything in common with them?
Did you try some Meetup groups? There are DEFINITELY some quality and class acts here that you can easily meet up with. It's not too difficult to make friends here if you put some effort out there.
I agree with 1ATP that the problem is that you're in PB and OB and the people in that area can be really immature. I've seen it many times when I went there. I mentioned it on another thread but my wife and I were eating there in PB the other day and we ran into some 30 something year old guys behaving like teen agers. We couldn't believe it. Here were probably 35 year old guys and they were twisting one another's nipples, hitting each other, trying to pull the chest hair off of one another and laughing and giggling. It was hilarious to see. And no they weren't drunk.
How are you currently meeting new friends now? Do you go to the gym, in any clubs/activities, go to church? Etc? It doesn't sound like what you're doing is working so you need to expand a bit outside of your bubble.
I feel like I explained my situation pretty well in my post, I have tried multiple ways of meting people including meetup groups. I have hung out with coworkers and there friends, tagged along with neighbors, gone out with scuba buddies, gone out to different areas myself, taken my dogs to dog parks. Like i said, i've met some cool people every now and then, but no one I really had anything in common with. I also am not interested in hanging out with professionals older than me, I don't feel I have much in common with them, especially since many of them have families, and I just can't fathom how their lives must be.
The one thing you reassured me in your comment though is
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San Diego where there are a lot of people the same age that could case less about their careers. (And probably will never have a professional career)
I didn't realize that about this place, and though people in DC might be a bit too focused on their careers, I need to live somewhere where finding someone who makes a salary isn't a needle in a haystack.
All of the above is spot on. Me moved here when we were around your age and started in Mira Mesa and then to downtown for 6 years, now a city/suburb where we own a house.
Even though we lived in a condo complex downtown during the housing boom, about half the building was renters. So while they were all owned units, we would see new faces in there ALL the time and this was in a mid rise, that wasnt too big.
What I think the main issue is here is that you are looking for the same 'type' of social engagement that you got in DC. It just doesnt happen that way here. Most of the time you may strike up a conversation around here, its not like striling one up with locals.
As a matter of fact when we lived downtown we made more friends with people visiting SD than actually living here lol
One couple we met from Oz are actually staying with us for a week in the coming months when they visit SD again.
I just find most real locals here can be generally aloof or totally into in their own lives and going outside of that is not really on their radar. But it can be like this anywhere I have lived.
Hard to put a finger on, but I definitely understand the spirit of what you are saying. Its also tough because SD is spread out.
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