Considering offer in SF with apprehension (San Francisco, Oakland: transplants, real estate, subletting)

[bananarama1880]

Hi there, let me tell you about me.

I'm 28 and a substance abuse counselor, mostly work with troubled kids with opiate issues (I was one of those kids). I live in New York, and my clinic was bought up by a large corporate drug treatment provider here so they are taking our clients and putting me out of a job

I'm from Puerto Rico, but my dad is an Irishman from NY so I am in the unique position of Spanish first name and Irish last name (O'******). Speak Spanish and English and either look like a really light skinned Spanish/Hispanic guy or an olive skinned Italian looking white guy. I swing both ways, tend to date guys more (doubt that will be an issue) but don't let my preferences define me and act pretty butch, not a limp wrister or a lisper..pretty average guy. Have been in NYC since I was 7, live on the Lower East Side. Will be subletting my rent stabilized apartment while in CA cause I am never giving up a $400 dollar two bedroom in NYC LOL.

My former boss and current Facebook friend manages a substance abuse/nethadone maintenance program at San Francisco General Hospital, and after hearing that I am being made redundant made a few calls and got me a Skype interview for a position. Aced of course and got an offer and have 2 days to get back to them.

I've never been to California, the only places I have been outside NYC and PR are North Jersey, Long Island, and Orlando Florida. But I would like to expand my horizons and SF and CA looks beautiful, nice architecture, great weather etc.

I am concerned however that the "social vibe" of the SF Bay Area won't mesh well with me. I am hoping what I am wrong and these are just lame stereotypes. I have heard that the area is militant in its PCness, I am not a person with a particularly offensive outlook on thinks at least IMO but I am generally direct, and speak my mind and give my honest opinion about things, I'm a NYer and I tend to tell it like it is. I have read online that in the Bay you have to watch every word because if you talk "out of line" and get labeled as too conservative, too anti this or pro that, or have an opinion that diverges from a certain left wing "party line" you can face social ostracism and basically be treated like a Nazi. Of course I act professional in professional settings, but generally have an un-PC way of humor which is pretty socially acceptable here, most NYers whether Gay Straight, Black, White, Asian, Italian, Jewish, Dominican, WASP, Korean, or Pakistani, Hipster , Union worker or Financier etc can all laugh at themselves and we all pretty much get along and don't get offended. I guess that's the way we all learned to get along and live amongst each other in the melting pot. I'm mostly apolitical but my opinions are all over the place, neither conservative or liberal, Dem or GOP and can agree with points made by Bernie Sanders and points made by Ted Cruz..generally I just live and let live.

I know how to act socially appropriate and conduct myself according to the proper time and place but I don't want to walk on eggshells and I can't possibly change my whole demeanor and way of thinking and speaking. Also I am a smoker and although there are lots of laws restricting smoking and we have the most expensive cigs in the nation ($15 for a pack of Newports!) it is generally socially acceptable and in my family, social circle, coworkers and the folks in my building a clear minority of them are non-smokers. You see folks walking on the pavement smoking and nobody sneers at them or screams about how they're destroying the environment, in CA I know yous guys have a lower percentage of smokers which IDC, smoking is a bad habit anyways but I have also heard that smokers are openly looked down upon and treated like they eat infants for breakfast or something. Again I am respectful of folks who choose not to commit tobacco induced suicide like myself (it's my last vice!) but don't want to be jeered at or glared at or admonished since I'm a grown man taking part in a legal activity.

I REALLY want to take this position, truly the pay is great and I want the experience of living out west but not if being me is going to cause me to be some kind of pariah. I would want to live in SF, maybe Oakland but I have concerns about safety (Too Short and Mac Dre haven't painted the nicest pic of OTown in my mind). Budget $2500 for a nice one bedroom in a safe area, doesn't have to be super buzzing or trendy (actually prefer a neighborhood with more "normal people" as opposed to the Williamsburg set) but I should feel safe walking home from the bus/train/whatever in the early hours of mornings, using normal precautions and street smarts of course.

Advice? Will I be a miserable outcast?

[Chuck5000]

Hi - I'm a former NY'er, and everything you say is true to some degree, although political conservatives will exaggerate these tremendously. Generally the people who act this way both in NY and here are jerks, and I say that as a strong liberal. These types are definitely present in NYC, too.

You may indeed have to tone down some aspects of your NY style, but then again other aspects may come out here that you don't expect, and that could be very positive. I would say that the argumentation and discourse out here is a bit different; there is more of a consensus-seeking style here. And the baseline here is more polite and friendly - I think this is because of poulation size and the historical nature of NY and the East accepting so many immigrants for so long; it's not a negative, it's part of how cultures learn to bump up against each other. Again, though, I'd like to emphasize that many many many exNYers are here, still come here, and have done pretty well.

I do think you won't easily find the diversity here co-mingling as you do in NY, and not with the same humor (but then again, no place is as funny as NY). I bet that you'll find plenty of people in your world here that would be fine with you as you are, though. Smoking, however, is widely frowned upon, I'd say. That's not good news given your seeming lack of interest in quitting!

Glad to see they are paying you well enough to actually afford living here! I strongly recommend Oakland over SF for you for a wide range of reasons, but your commute will be longer. Transit here is nowhere near as good as it is in the NY metro area - less frequency, more crowding, much less extensive service, less inter-area coordinated service. Hmm, given that, you may want to do SF, but being very close to Caltrain or BART will max out your budget. Real estate here is very bad, but you seem to be willing to rent indefintiely, which is great. It can be heartbreaking to put down roots here and slowly learn that one will never be able to afford the quality level of homeownership one would like.

I'm online today, ask me more questions if you want. Specific neighborhood choice might be another longer conversation here. At your budget level, you will do OK, though.

[daepro]

I grew up in Washington Heights but lived out of NY in MA for 26 years before relocating to Oakland 6 years ago. I still immediately pegged as a NYer. Maybe because of attitude who knows. This has not held me back in making friends and solid social contacts.
I too work in Mental Health as a social worker and am told that my NY "street smarts" makes for a great instant connection with the clients.
So I say go for it. Keep the rent controlled apartment if you can, but make the move. If you don't you may regret it.
Smoking cigarettes are certainly frowned upon here so maybe this can promote a positive health change for you. Everyone recovers in stages so a change of people, places and things may contribute with this.
Best.

[HappyinCali]

I would agree on the militancy, but I think it can be avoided. I think just naturally you become friends with people who will not slit your throat over a joke. I think the militancy manifest mostly around elections, because those people drown out the moderates and a lot of people in SF are too passive to care, so we keep electing idiots.

You remind me of a friend I have, who is very sarcastic, smokes and is gay. He is doing really well here and overall enjoys life, although he think the dating scene is pathetic - people are not serious enough, shallow etc.

I think that if smoking and PCness are your two main concerns, you might end up being pretty happy here, especially since you want to be here.

Just don't live in the Mission!!

[likealady]

I think you'd do fine here with a few changes to your personality. West Coast is weird. It's like a bunch of passive aggressive pansies who get offended at the smallest thing. Make a joke about San Francisco and get chewed out. If you're not liberal, you'll be made fun of and dubbed, "My one Republican friend". I mostly see the butthurt people online through our local newspaper's comments section or blogs (or city data ), rarely do I actually hear it on the street. People here are afraid to call someone out on their BS. They'd rather just watch and hope some blunt former East Coaster says something.

Case in point: I was on the BART and a girl came in with her bike. Some guy was standing in the bike section of the train yapping away on his cell phone, and when she tried to motion that she needed to secure her bike he just continued on. She came and sat next to me (I also had a bike, but it was folded up) and we exchanged looks of "Is this guy serious?" Anyway, a stop or so later, the idiot ends his call and continues to stand there while the poor girl next to me balances her bike between her legs. After no one else says anything, I get up for my stop and tell him it'd be nice if he moved because the bikers on the train need to be able to secure their bikes in the "BIKE SECTION" which he is blocking. He nods his head and continues to stand there while staring at me. I'm thinking he maybe didn't hear me... or maybe he's just a douche. But of all the other people on the train that saw that, only I (former East Coaster) stood up for her.

I have found people here also don't understand sarcasm very well. These are just things you'll want to make note of if you want to blend in. Basically, you'll want to tone down the NYer in you, haha. If you don't want roommates, plan for getting a studio apartment with that budget, and shoot for living in SF if you can. Oakland has cleaned up, but there's still a bit of crime, lots of protests, and general hooliganism going on over there. You'd probably be fine living in Oakland too, but you might as well get the real SF experience. The Bold Italic (RIP) had a pretty decent neighborhood guide that you can probably find with a google search. As for smoking, if you just don't smoke while walking along a crowded sidewalk no one should give you the stink eye.

Overall, you'll be fine. There are plenty of us transplants around to relate with.

[Ruth4Truth]

There are all kinds of people in the Bay Area, and in SF, OP. There are Republicans, conservatives, smokers, liberals, Progressives, etc. Honestly, I don't have occasion to have political conversations with people when I'm there. When I grew up there, politics didn't come up, either. IME, people mostly are into enjoying the outdoors and the company of friends on the weekends.

Housing is tight, so you'll have to watch the listings carefully, and call as soon as you see something new come up. Have references, credit report, and proof of employment offer at the ready. You'll be able to find a 1-br. at your price in the city and close enough to work (look in outer Mission/Excelsior, or Glen Park, there are some nice apts. in your range, or if you don't mind driving from further out, you can get a lot more space (2 br., even!) closer to the beach, in the Sunset district), and there's always the East Bay, and commuting by BART, if you want more bang for your buck; Berkeley (north Berkeley is nice), El Cerrito, Albany, Alameda are all good, along with north Oakland, bordering Berkeley. NE Oakland, mainly.

Go for it! You'll be fine. People say all that same stuff about Seattle, but it's grossly exaggerated. You know how rumor and the media (and the internet!) can blow things out of proportion.

[Ultrarunner]

Lots of under 30 New Yorkers here... at least I seem to meet many.

Some love it here... for others, it's a chance to try something different.

If you are in need of a job, not tied down, have local connections... seriously consider it.

San Francisco is a place I only go when company comes to town... it does make for a nice city lights skyline from my vantage in the Oakland.

For many, housing is the big issue after employment.

If you don't have or don't need a car... you're halfway home...

Cars are expensive in many ways in the city... parking tickets, finding parking, paying to off street park, scratches and dings and don't forget windows get popped all the time if ANYTHING of possible value "Might" be inside.

Many really love the city and fully embrace it... for others it's a good experience and the move on... a few back to New York and others just around the Bay where if might be more family friendly... read a house with a yard vs a small apartment in SF...

The Bay Area really does have just about everything...

One more thing... parts of the East Bay, Oakland/Berkeley, can be actually closer time wise to SF than other parts of SF if you have BART friendly locations on both sides of the Bay...

[Maceart]

It doesn't matter much, the Bay Area is massively better than New York for one single reason.

There is no snow. Temperatures range from "slightly cold" to "slightly warm". You'll get used to it immediately.

If you need a job and you got an offer there is no point in dilly dallying around in the East Coast when the Best Coast has much more to offer.

[jade408]

I'll chime in, Oakland is far more mixed than SF these days. Mac Dre and Too Short did not go to the nice parts of Oakland ever. There are olenty and doable in your budget. Look above the Lake and East of Telegraph to start.

[comingbacktocali]

who are mac dre and too short??