Packing sucks - you know who your real friends are! (movers, credit card)

[JennStar]

So my husband and I are moving and I have basically been packing by myself. My husband has been taking care of our move-in on the other end. He has packed some of his stuff. There is more - lots more.
I have one friend that wants to help me and when she was suppose to show up last Saturday she was a no show. I called her, her voicemail was full - nothing new with her. Then I texted her asking if she was coming over. I had no contact from her all weekend. Nothing. She then texts me on Monday saying she was sick all weekend. I can understand if you are, I have been there, but you could at least text me, it takes so little effort.
Another friend texts me and says if she is in the city she will come by. I mean really? I know she lives across the bay but not super far away. She comes to the city often. She is retired, but my age, and has lots more time on her hands. This is the same person who was gone for three weeks when my birthday came up, going to Tahoe. She is a compulsive person. Once she does something she likes, she keeps doing it. She was suppose to go for one week and return. I get a voicemail from her that she was returning to Tahoe. She posts pics on Facebook of Tahoe and I put a comment in there "Back again? Must be nice." She erased it. I have known this person a long time and feel I don't deserve this kind of flighty nevey-may-care behavior from her. I have helped her move, and so has my husband. So I would ask another friend but she is going to give birth any moment and I would feel better that she is somewhere where she can be with her husband and get to the hospital. I do have other friends, and I have asked some of them. I get these excuses that range from going to Tahoe, going to a reunion, to going to a wedding. Okay, I have given these guys notice months ago I was moving. I know a wedding and going to Tahoe happen only for a weekend so what would they be doing for the rest of the month. I asked my husband if any of his buddies will help and he says his brothers will help with the heavy lift. Well nothing so far. We will be hiring a mover so what heavy lifting will they be doing?
When I have a house warming, I don't feel like I want to invite people who make lame excuses and act casually about it, not being determined to help me when I helped them. If you don't want to, just say you no. I know I hate moving, and helping a friend move is a lot of work. I helped one friend move, who was suppose to move on a certain day, and when I came, she was in a frenzy, since the time was coming. She asked me to help her with the dishes which I did. Besides the ones in the cabinet, there were dishes in the sink I had to wash and dry to wrap up. She was not very organized. My husband had helped this same woman move with her boxes, taking them to her new place. Do you think she makes any sort of motion to say she will help me? No. So this is how you find out who your real friends are, and at this point I am beginning to feel I don't have any anymore. I feel sad, angry and stresses out. My husband can't take off too much time right now until we actually begin to move in, and after work he goes to have a beer. I am too tired to go in to have a drink with him at the end of the day. And now I need a massage.

[boulder2015]

Sorry, hon, the problem lies within.... also, i learned this lesson a long time ago: worth every penny to hire workers if you can afford it. And sorry to get all dear abby on you, but taking this to facebook was extremely was in poor taste on your part. I would have deleted you, too. I think you have a lot of soul searching to do, and rereading this thread in a couple days will give you great insight as to where you are going wrong in life.

[kgbnsf]

I have lots of friends. None that want to nor would I expect them to help me pack. And, no I wouldn't help them with packing/moving either. That's one of those activities where you don't get volunteers.

I'm going through this right now too, moving in three weeks. I do the packing slowly over a month and then hire movers for a few hours to load and unload the truck. And tell your husband to pack his own crap or it will be left behind!

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Originally Posted by kgbnsf

I have lots of friends. None that want to nor would I expect them to help me pack. And, no I wouldn't help them with packing/moving either. That's one of those activities where you don't get volunteers.

I'm going through this right now too, moving in three weeks. I do the packing slowly over a month and then hire movers for a few hours to load and unload the truck. And tell your husband to pack his own crap or it will be left behind!

Same here. I would write off the friends who you helped move and don't have time to help you. But, I also learned to tell people I won't help them move but that I promise I'll never ask them to help me move. I also start packing way ahead and hire help to clean and move.

Tell hubby how you're going to use the credit card to pay the movers to also pack the house for you, and someone to clean. Then go get a beer.

[jbunniii]

Why do you consider it your friends' duty to help you pack? I can't imagine imposing on my friends that way. I would do it myself or hire movers to do it (usually a combination of the two).

[neutrino78x]

Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where he had met a famous basketball player, and the player asked Seinfeld to help him move. Kramer (iirc) said you have to be really close friends before someone will help you move, and Elaine said it was highly inappropriate! lmao

[BroadwayDiva]

I don't think you can expect your friends to help you pack, nor can you fault them for not showing up. It's not fair to impose them to help you. Life happens and sorry to break it to you but you are not the center of the universe. Hire a mover, they are more efficient anyway.

[mstnghu2]

Sorry, OP. I think you're being unreasonable. It's a little bit of a spoiled attitude to think that your friends should help you pack your own stuff.

I've moved a few times and each time my close friends and family were ready and willing to help with the move when the time came. However, I felt it was MY responsibility to have everything packed and labeled and ready to go once they all arrived to help.

I've helped other people move over the years and I find it to be incredibly annoying and a bit selfish when I show up to help and most of the stuff isn't even packed and ready to go. If somebody's going to take time out of their busy schedule, the least you can do is have everything ready to load up. You also need to feed people and usually offer beer to the guys who help...at least in my circle, that's customary.

[G Grasshopper]

Originally Posted by mstnghu2

Sorry, OP. I think you're being unreasonable. It's a little bit of a spoiled attitude to think that your friends should help you pack your own stuff.

When I moved, it was after my husband's death. I had limited time, and a huge job to pack up the whole household by myself. My son was able to take all his stuff, but then he was gone. So I had to deal with it all myself. I am extremely grateful to my sister and to friends from church who spent a lot of time actually putting things into boxes. (I did not ask anyone to carry things - had a moving company do that.) So your assumption that asking for help with packing boxes is "spoiled" is, I think, not always true. I literally could not have done this without help. Six years before, my husband and I had moved, and did all the packing of boxes ourselves, so I imagine it depends on the circumstances. It seems to me that the Op's problems seems more related to an attitude of entitlement, bitterness, and perhaps poor planning. Also, if people sense that you don't actually NEED the help, but are just trying to get others to do your work, they will be less willing to help. My experience is that asking specifically helps. ("I need help with the garage because I am overwhelmed with dealing with all the tools. Some things I need to get rid of, but there is so much" ) Also, people sometimes have preferences, and going with those helps. For example, I would not ask a man who offered to help with the tool shed to pack my dishes. I also took people to lunch, although they often brought food themselves.

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by G Grasshopper

When I moved, it was after my husband's death. I had limited time, and a huge job to pack up the whole household by myself. My son was able to take all his stuff, but then he was gone. So I had to deal with it all myself. I am extremely grateful to my sister and to friends from church who spent a lot of time actually putting things into boxes. (I did not ask anyone to carry things - had a moving company do that.) So your assumption that asking for help with packing boxes is "spoiled" is, I think, not always true. I literally could not have done this without help. Six years before, my husband and I had moved, and did all the packing of boxes ourselves, so I imagine it depends on the circumstances. It seems to me that the Op's problems seems more related to an attitude of entitlement, bitterness, and perhaps poor planning. Also, if people sense that you don't actually NEED the help, but are just trying to get others to do your work, they will be less willing to help. My experience is that asking specifically helps. ("I need help with the garage because I am overwhelmed with dealing with all the tools. Some things I need to get rid of, but there is so much" ) Also, people sometimes have preferences, and going with those helps. For example, I would not ask a man who offered to help with the tool shed to pack my dishes. I also took people to lunch, although they often brought food themselves.

Actually the death of one's spouse, moving and help from family/church is much different than
"I helped them pack and move why can't they help me".


You had a legitimate need for the help and in this case the original poster and her situation is not a legitimate need, it is a want.