Can we afford to stay in Bay Area? Or time to face reality? (San Jose: lease, student loans) - California (CA) - City-Data Forum

thechoson · 01-02-2010, 08:43 PM

Hello. I am faced with quite a dilemma.

My wife and I lived in Southern California for a long time, during which we were students.

My wife is originally from San Jose, so she was thrilled to get a job offer and move back up here in mid 2008.

Her pay is low (50k) but I figured we'd be ok once I found a job up here. We moved, and then the economy really took a dive and I have not been able to find stable work (just temp jobs here and there).

Basically between my wife's pay, some savings we have, and my temp work, we live paycheck-to-paycheck.

But despite the money situation, my wife is extremely happy to be back in the Bay Area, and she never wants to leave. But I am wondering if it's time to face up to reality, and if we need to move somewhere cheaper with better employment prospects.

Any advice would be terrific.

jbunniii · 01-02-2010, 11:11 PM

Standard advice I've heard is that you should pay no more than 28% of your gross income toward rent, absolute maximum. In your case that would be $1166/month. If you are substantially below this you are probably OK, as long as you don't have any debt or other unusual expenses such as children or a car lease. No doubt you would live more comfortably in most other parts of the country on that income, assuming you can earn it elsewhere.

Ultrarunner · 01-02-2010, 11:20 PM

If your wife is extremely happy here... is the opposite true if you relocate?

There are jobs in certain fields... medical is still strong in many areas.

Can you adapt or is adapting asking the impossible?

It's the old saw... other areas may be less expensive, especially when you have a job waiting. It you don't, asking your wife to give up her job is a gamble I wouldn't want to take on faith.

Mach50 · 01-02-2010, 11:22 PM

I know far too many couples that are in this situation.

You cannot stand by idle in your career because your wife wants to live in the Bay. My advice, start applying for jobs elsewhere, when you get an offer discuss it with her. You have to look out for your career man. One other option might be that you go back to school in return for staying here in the Bay, rack up those student loans...yipee!

Stay quiet, don't gripe, and let her enjoy the Bay until you find something though.

Ultrarunner · 01-02-2010, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mach50

I know far too many couples that are in this situation.

You cannot stand by idle in your career because your wife wants to live in the Bay. My advice, start applying for jobs elsewhere, when you get an offer discuss it with her. You have to look out for your career man. One other option might be that you go back to school in return for staying here in the Bay, rack up those student loans...yipee!

Stay quiet, don't gripe, and let her enjoy the Bay until you find something though.

Good advice... you're position is the strongest when you are able to bring something to the table... a great job offer and a well researched plan will inspire confidence...

I may have been too negative in my previous post... very good friends actually got divorced stemming from a move to Texas... She had a good to very good job in the Bay Area... he lost his job and was able to find something comparable in Texas at 85% of his CA salary...

She gave up her job and was absolutely miserable for 18 months... she missed her friends and family and just didn't like Texas... his career was restarted and while he liked CA... he liked working in his field more... at least they didn't have children.

18Montclair · 01-03-2010, 07:29 AM

Very wise responses.

Sobering too.

I really think you need to let your wife know how you feel. Word it in the best way for her to understand. Something like this..." I feel like Im not contributing to our family enough and it pains me to see you working so hard all by yourself. As you can see I havent been able to find a job here, what do you think we should do?"

Let her say what she thinks-she might even suggest searching out of town. If not then you can say you've seen some really good prospects online for jobs out-of-town.

Something to that affect. Your language has to be frank but caring. Im not saying these things for you to be manipulative, but if you want her to understand where your coming from, then she needs to know exactly how you feel and why you feel that way.

I have found that open and honest communication can really keep things together in tough times.

Anyway, good luck.

ndfmnlf · 01-03-2010, 11:00 AM

If your wife gets pregnant (by you, presumably) then she may yet realize that staying in the Bay area on $50K income with her as main breadwinner is no longer tenable.

sandy7 · 01-03-2010, 06:53 PM

If you do have to stick to Bay area in tough times, make sure you spend enough time on thesimpledollar.com and fatwallet.com

Very helpful, I wouldnt have survived without them

batransplant · 01-03-2010, 09:43 PM

Here are a few other things to think about. Does she have local family here who live close to you? Her parents? brothers/sisters? If the answer is yes, having these family members around can end up saving you literally thousands of dollars in childcare and travel costs.

I made the mistake of not only giving up my career, but also my family so my husband could advance his career in the bay area. Now we have a baby, and spend thousands of extra dollars in childcare costs (if I need to see a doctor for example, I have to hire a sitter at $20 per hour minimum 4 hours) We also live far from employment centers for me to go back to work so ultimately one of us would have a 1.5 hour commute depending on where we eventually settle...near my employment or his, and every time I want to see my family, it costs us about 1k after parking, flights, and kenneling the dog for 5 nights.

Just saying....don't underestimate the value of living close to family members. It is more emotionally healthy for a woman to be near her family...especially if they have a good relationship and you guys plan to have kids. If you can...just wait it out and keep looking up here. Maybe expand your search a bit.

Good Luck. It is a really tough position to be in. I miss my family and home every day, and it is so hard to adjust to living here with no friend, family or support system so my husband can make a few extra bucks which go straight to travel and childcare costs. Im not going to say this is turning out to be the biggest mistake of my life, but it is close because so far, I absolutely do not see the upside of this relocation away from family and friends.

thechoson · 01-03-2010, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by batransplant

Here are a few other things to think about. Does she have local family here who live close to you? Her parents? brothers/sisters? If the answer is yes, having these family members around can end up saving you literally thousands of dollars in childcare and travel costs.

I made the mistake of not only giving up my career, but also my family so my husband could advance his career in the bay area. Now we have a baby, and spend thousands of extra dollars in childcare costs (if I need to see a doctor for example, I have to hire a sitter at $20 per hour minimum 4 hours) We also live far from employment centers for me to go back to work so ultimately one of us would have a 1.5 hour commute depending on where we eventually settle...near my employment or his, and every time I want to see my family, it costs us about 1k after parking, flights, and kenneling the dog for 5 nights.

Just saying....don't underestimate the value of living close to family members. It is more emotionally healthy for a woman to be near her family...especially if they have a good relationship and you guys plan to have kids. If you can...just wait it out and keep looking up here. Maybe expand your search a bit.

Good Luck. It is a really tough position to be in. I miss my family and home every day, and it is so hard to adjust to living here with no friend, family or support system so my husband can make a few extra bucks which go straight to travel and childcare costs. Im not going to say this is turning out to be the biggest mistake of my life, but it is close because so far, I absolutely do not see the upside of this relocation away from family and friends.

Thanks for the response. Yes, family is one huge reason my wife wants to stay in the Bay Area. Basically all of her family members live here, and she is quite close to family. Most of her friends are here as well.