Anyone with kids who moved far away from family to live in Seattle? (Bellingham: real estate, student loan)

[WestCoastDreamer]

Hi,

My wife and I are considering Seattle as a possible place to move. We live on the East Coast and most of our family lives out this way. Has anyone else who lives in Seattle moved there from far away, leaving family behind? We're starting a family of our own, and plan to have a couple of kids. I imagine it's particularly hard watching your kids grow up thousands (or hundreds) of miles away from their grandparents/aunts/uncles.

So...how often do you visit home? Since my wife's parents live in one state and my parents, who are divorced, live in two other states, I'm guessing that, at most, we'd be able to see everyone once per year, but I'm not sure if that's totally realistic.

What are your experiences? You don't necessarily have to have moved from one coast to the other in order to answer this question, since I'm mainly wondering what it's like when you don't have family around you while trying to raise kids in the Seattle area. Thanks!!

[VeronikaW]

Back in 2007, while I was pregnant with my son, we moved from Southern CA to the Seattle area. My son was born that October, and the following year, I had a daughter. We found it extremely hard with 2 small children to be so far away from family. So much so that in June of 2010 we moved back to CA. However, we regret the decision to move back. It's great to have the kids close to their grandparents and aunt and uncle, however the sacrifices we made in our quality of living make it seem not very worth it. We are already planning to move back to the Seattle area.

I was pretty lucky, my mom flew up about once a month for a weekend or sometimes longer. During the summer my mom and stepdad would usually drive up for a week, and at Christmas, my mom, stepdad, dad and stepmom would usually all come for a few days. And we tried to go home twice a year (usually once in the winter to get some sun, and then usually at one of the kid's birthdays).

My family is kind of crazy, and as my kids are getting a bit older, I think seeing them that infrequently is going to be much better than the daily visits we have now.

I won't lie, it was really hard, especially when my kids were first born. I was really overwhelmed without the help of family. But, there are lots of Mommy meetups available on Meetup.com, and if you get to Seattle before you have kids, you will have time to try to build up some relationships and a support system to help you when you do have children.

I have another friend I met in Seattle, she sometimes still posts on here. She moved from Pittsburgh to Seattle, and had a baby, but has since moved back to Pittsburgh, because she didn't like being far from family.

Good luck. It's a hard decision.

Why are you thinking of moving to Seattle?

V. =)

[WestCoastDreamer]

Thanks, VeronikaW, for your insights. I've moved across the country before, to Southern California, but that was back when I was single and any consequences of my decision fell squarely on me and only me. I subsequently moved back because I missed family and I didn't enjoy struggling. Now, many years later, I really miss the West Coast. I found myself in San Diego last year for work and brought my wife and kid along. My wife really liked the city and the West Coast vibe (there is a vibe; I don't know how to explain it, but it's just so different than the hectic vibe on the East Coast).

She doesn't want to live in San Diego though because she couldn't handle all the sunshine. We both love San Francisco, but it's too expensive. So we thought a good fit might be Seattle: West Coast city, big city, overcast much of the year (which she loves), outdoorsy city (I love to run outside), big creative class (I'm a writer/editor), etc. Plus we're a multi-ethnic family, and I understand there are a lot of those in Seattle. And close-ish proximity to Northern California is cool.

The downside is that we have absolutely no relatives anywhere near Seattle. It's been hard enough raising one kid in an East Coast city that's relatively close to where our families live; I can't imagine the challenges involved with raising two kids all the way across the country from family. I love living in a country as big as the U.S., but sometimes I wish it were a bit more compact.

Anyway, that's a long answer to your question. Thanks again for taking the time to answer my post.

[VeronikaW]

I've lived in San Diego, the Bay Area, and also worked a year in Manhattan (but lived in Jersey), so I understand what you mean about the different vibes of places.

It's definitely hard to be far from family, but in retrospect, we wished we had stayed in Seattle, it's so much nicer than CA.

Good luck with your decision!!

[WestCoastDreamer]

Thanks, VeronikaW!

[Hemlock140]

Our move was not that far either, from the SF Bay Area to Seattle. I am second of 9 kids, and when we moved one sister was already up here. One brother moved up when we did, and we moved my mother-in-law up soon after we got settled. Since then, after visiting, my parents decided to move up. I still have one sister and 4 brothers there, and most years we either get down there to visit or they come up here. When we moved our kids were 5, 7 and 12, and I think both they and the grandparents benefited greatly by eventually being closer, though my parents are
3 hours by car and ferry away. One advantage you do have no is the internet and things like Skype where you can see each other every day if you want.

You should base the decision on what's best for you and your kids. Some may take being away from family harder than others.

It may seem hard to be without family but with kids you will end up making a lot of local friends pretty quickly through school and other activities they get into.

[dubdpt]

This is an interesting topic that also applies to myself. I am from San Diego and 1.5 years ago moved up to Anacortes, WA (north of Seattle) with my wife. We made the move for a change and my job that is helping to payoff grad school debt. It has been great living here and exploring the PNW, but I really miss living in the city and suburbs as I did my entire life in So Cal. We are also pregnant with twins so our life is going to change drastically in 4 months. I am really worried how difficult it will be raising twin infants away from family, although we have established a good friends network in a short time.

We will just have to see how crazy life will become and decide at that point if staying here is possible. Long-term I would prefer to live in the Eastside communities of Seattle, Denver CO, or the Bay Area in Nor Cal. At this time the main reason for moving back to San Diego would only be for the proximity to family and our long-time friends network.

Veronika: It has been insightful reading your post from living in various areas of So Cal, than moving up to Seattle and than back down to the OC, and now seeing your desire to be back up here. I often find myself fluctuating on my desires of where to live once we seek stability for raising kids. I have lived in the OC, SD, and now Anacortes WA. I really see myself living somewhere long-term with snow-capped mtns nearby, more winter sun but with greater seasons than SD, and within a metro area to support my wife's career. We may even entice my in-laws to move near us once we become permanent.

I am just trying to be patient and see where the next few years will take my family.


Good luck to everyone seeking a balance between living in your desired location and satisfying the needs of your family.

[seattlenextyear]

We moved here from the East Coast. I go see my family about twice a year and my husband sees his at most, once a year. My siblings occasionally visit. Neither of our parents are good travelers, so once we have kids, we'll have to fly them to see family a few times a year.

If you've already moved back home because you missed it so much, you might have difficulties. To me, a few plane rides a year is worth being able to live in Seattle.

Though every time I'm stuck in an airport during the holidays, I vow to look at New England Real Estate...

[happyhunting]

@dubdpt.......just curious what made you chose Anacortes? We were up there last summer to ferry over to the San Juans and we loved it. Such a pretty little town. There was a great pizza place that we can't remember the name of, had a salad buffet inside and hats all over the walls, do you possibly know the name? Anyway, I digress.....

@ OP...We too are moving to Seattle in a few months but have it much easier as we have a teenager and a pre-teen entering their first years of high school and middle school. We figure its either do it now, or wait out the kids finishing their schooling as we don't want to disrupt them by moving them in the middle of high school and making them start new. We've been wanting to move for over ten years, but we really thought we couldn't make the change, leave family, raise kids away from grandparents and cousins etc.....Although I am glad that they established relationships with them and had all of their early lives with extended family, it came at the price of future careers, my own education, and living a certain lifestyle we'd like. We wish we had just done it long ago. We are in the "perfect storm" right now as far as getting the kids in grades that are natural transition periods anyway, I am going to finally finish my education........

I guess I am saying that staying just to be around family may not be all it's cracked up to be. And this is coming from someone that's incredibally close to family (as in some live two houses down and others we have dinner with every single Sunday).......it's a trade off, that we simply weren't willing to do anymore. Our jobs, our educations, the weather, the kids educations, these are all factors starting to outweigh staying, and we are willing to do the "once or twice a year flight" to see people on holidays, although I admit it would be harder with younger kids.

[dubdpt]

I am lucky that we have decently priced direct flights from both Bellingham and Seattle to fly down to San Diego for family visits and winter breaks to see some warm temps and sun. We plan on taking the kids down there maybe 2-3 times each year with mixed visits of our family coming up here as well.

HappyHunting: I choose Anacortes because my job found me as I was not searching for a job in WA, but was considering moving out of CA for a few years. My current position provides student loan repay assistance that will knock out a large portion of my student loan debt, plus it is in such a beautiful area with access to so many outdoor activities for my hobbies of snowboarding and photography.

I have been down to So Cal twice in the past month, and the longer I am gone the fewer things I miss. I know that we will eventually return to living in a metro area. We will see if it will be in WA, CA or CO.