How to deal with leaving family and friends (Seattle: transplants, homes)

[AreWeThereYet??]

I know that Seattle has a lot of transplants from all over the country. We are moving to Seattle next week from Florida. As the date gets closer we are finding it very difficult to deal with the guilt and sadness of leaving all of our family and friends. Just wondering how those who have done the same ended up dealing with it and how long it took for the guilt to go away? It wouldn't be as bad if we weren't taking the grand-babies away and if we weren't moving clear across the country.

[flyingsaucermom]

I'm sure you guys are moving here for a good reason, not to just fill yourselves up with guilt. Always keep that in mind. Also remember that you can always make a different decision if you find that this one doesn't, in the end, work out for you (better said than done, of course... but true nonetheless).

You can use google hangout, skype, webex, etc. to set up weekly/biweekly visits. You can customize your social media so that your close friends and family get the latest updates on the grandkids. Keeping up with pictures and videos tells your loved ones that you care.

You can also rethink family traditions ahead of time and see how they might adapt (i.e. holiday meals, travels, etc.). There are even books out there for this kind of thing.

I'm not sure what your travel budget looks like but we try to see both sides of the family at least once a year. I try to maximize the time, so this year for example, the kids and I are going to spend 5 weeks with my family in MN. My husband's family is in Mexico, so it's a little more work and money to get down there. I think we've spent every Christmas or New Year's with them in all our married years (which is easy to do since they do Christmas WAY better than my family ever did).

To tell you the truth though, I have found that time and space eventually takes it toll. The first 5 years or so it was fine, but things gradually change, people evolve.. it's just not the same. I don't know many (I do know a few though!) transplants that still have super tight large families. Maybe they never had them in the first place, donno... many have important relationships within the family (especially the mom/grandma or sister/aunt). So much of family dynamics are particular to your family, so take what you hear with a grain of salt. Welcome to the area!

[Hemlock140]

We had no guilt, despite taking 3 grandkids, because one has to do what's best for them and their family (spouse and kids). As it turns out, all of the living grandparents moved up here too within 3 years, as did two uncles. We have maintained good friendships with people flying up to visit here and we go down at times, but then we only moved 1,100 miles. We have about half the family in each place now, and the CA half are all coming up for a reunion this summer. In your case the flights area lot longer but there's always Facetime or Skype. The part about missing your friends can be difficult but you will soon make many new ones, especially with kids.

[AT-AT28]

How ironic, I'm nearing 33 and planning on leaving my homestate and town after all these years and because I come from a from a very tight nit family, Its gonna be a rough couple of weeks for me being away from my folks after all this time once I do manage to move hopefully this year to the Seattle area. And yeah, I even feel guilty of "abandoning" my folks as they are not really tech adept and my father has some some alcohol abuse problems that I worry about leaving him alone with as my mom is moving out of state to be with my sister to help with her first pregancy with twin girls.

And no, I don't expect independent or non close family people to understand, which is real sad. But there are people out in this world who actually do love and support their folks a lot.

[Blondebaerde]

Good luck with that, FL is now 2,200-odd miles away once you're in Seattle. Not sure what panacea you're searching for: some are not cut out for leaving wherever they were (home or a place they've been x number of years).

I personally believe the magic bullet is to one, let go of whatever you're leaving behind (to some extent); two, involve yourself in the career and local community; and three, make new pals.

I moved from a place I'd lived seven years (alone) that was 2,250 miles from the family. Since I didn't like the family much to begin with, moving another thousand miles further north (still 2,250 miles, triangulated, from "home"), was surely no better or worse. Phones still worked. Kept in touch from time to time, which most people appreciate, like 'em or not (one cannot choose one's family, after all, at least that which you're born into).

Some personalities can hang a shingle in any town on Earth and call it home, with nary a care. I remember holding on to some of that from the last place I lived, for a year or so, before realizing it was time to let it go. Won't ever be back there and nothing can be as it was. Visited the original home town a few years ago, from way back, and it felt great flying out again hopefully for the last time on this mortal coil: I don't live there anymore, in any sense of the phrase.

In time, neither will you. So to speak.

Personally, after about three years it's "real". Five, I'm settling in. Ten, couldn't drag me away from the new place.

[west seattle gal]

You will miss them, especially at holidays, childhood milestones (and when your kids do all the cute things that kids do), and when facing difficulties of any kind. All of the things people mentioned above help, and hopefully the grandparents end up moving here, too.

[seattlenextyear]

I have to admit that I cried on the plane ride here from the East Coast. But now, whenever I visit somewhere else, I'm glad to be back in the Pac NW.

I visit family about 1-2 times a year. Make sure you budget for these trips: flying to the East Coast is expensive (It's cheaper to fly to Hawaii!). The guilt doesn't really go away, especially since my dad is too old to travel, so I only get to see him during those times. It's hard, but know that your family wants you to go to a place that's right for you.

[Sadie181]

Basically it just sucks....at least it does for me. We made the decision that was right for us as a family knowing we will no tbe here forever. Plan trips home and Skype helps us out a ton! We feel like we see everyone weekly! Hang in there. There are lots of us out here in the same boat, find some of us!

[AreWeThereYet??]

Thanks everyone! We feel better now. We need to start a meetup group, lol!

[Sadie181]

There are tons of meet up groups out here. There are mommy groups in every area!