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not quite sure what you mean by 'mixing freely outdoors', but:
-the folks I bike with ride all year
-the folks I hike with hike all year
-the folks I ski with ride from first to last snow/lifts - on a good year Nov-May
And all groups contain some very fun, active, intelligent single women. And you get to know people really well when you're covered in mud from mtn biking/hiking, sweat from road biking, or digging someone out of a snow drift. Go do things you enjoy/love, and you'll at least meet like-minded folks of both sexes. and all those Amazonians are too busy working and geeky to steal your thunder
What a refreshing post! THIS ^^^ is the kind of thing I'm talking about. It's becoming clear from the posts here, which guys are trying, and which ones aren't. I also think Newbie has a point about what kind of women these guys are talking about, who insist there are no single women in Seattle. If all the techies are dumb enough to chase after the same 25% of the women, then naturally they're not going to have much luck.
But the author of the article truephax linked, Jeff Reifman, who blogs about dating in Seattle, said several times in his article that he has no trouble getting dates. He said he's had hundreds of dates, "too many", he said at one point.
"I’ve had literally over a hundred dates in the past two years but connection has been elusive."
If he has no trouble getting dates, it means he's meeting scads of single women in Seattle! "Connection has been elusive" because it is for everyone, everywhere. That's normal; it's not a problem exclusive to Seattle. He also complained of "not connecting" with a 20-something he was dating. Maybe that's his problem; he's wasting time with women who look at him and see someone who could resemble their dad. Kind of a no-brainer, unless you're only in it for sex.
Someone commented about suburbs like Lynnwood being declasse, and mostly soccer-mom-land. On visits back to the Seattle area, I've been surprised to find how friendly the men are north of Seattle. It's like a different world. (Others on the Seattle forum say the same is true south of Seattle, as well. No guesses as to why.) When I lived in Seattle, I never ventured up there, but on visits back, I've stayed with friends out there, and discovered there are a lot of single guys of all ages there (and women, too). It's not soccermom-land anymore. The UW Bookstore branch out there is good for socializing; there are Bothell campus students there, as well as Seattle campus women out there, for the cheaper rents.
I have women friends of all ages in and around Seattle, from their 20's through their 40's, and these women are not being bombarded with attention from guys. They're not even aware that phenom exists. They're not on Tinder or OLD, or even social media. They're too busy out living their lives, and being involved in projects and activities in the community, like some of what Newbie and FrankSpencer mentioned. But most of them feel invisible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ira500;
Hear that, guys? If you're lookin for a place to meet women? It's not the bar, it's the Buddhist temple. Start meditating.
At least you know it hasn't become Californicated yet, if attending a Buddhist center is seen as a fringe activity, vs. fairly mainstream. The author of the quoted and linked article, Jeff Reifman, said he's been into yoga for years. That must be where he's been getting some of those hundreds of dates. Yoga, Tai chi/Chi Gong groups in Ravenna Park (see acupuncturist Dr. Wang in the U District to join; it's a bit of a singles scene), meditation, and, yes, Buddhism, are popular with women. The YMCA gym in the U District is a big, friendly singles scene, and there are evening events for singles, as well.
IDK, you guys; if you can't find single women in Seattle, you must not be trying very hard. Crazy Donkey mentioned beaches and a diving raft; try Matthews Beach in the summer; great beach, and it has a diving raft. I used to ride there on my bike for a swim in the summer. Gasworks Park used to be popular with singles from around the U District, Wallingford and Fremont for summer swimming and outdoor concerts. Not sure what it's like now--go check it out.
If that blogger can find hundreds of women in Seattle to date, you can, too.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-25-2015 at 07:47 PM..
They're in the university communities, for one thing, teaching or working as staff. They're downtown, working as lawyers, accountants, bankers, and stockbrokers. They're working for Microsoft. Some attend events at REI or go hiking with the Mountaineers, or are in canoeing/kayaking clubs. They volunteer for non-profits. They're involved in the arts in various capacities. They go folk dancing regularly, or are part of other dance or music scenes. They're involved in projects or classes through the Parks Department. One of the main venues for meeting single women is through the neighborhood soccer leagues that are all over town. It's surprising how many couples met each other through soccer. They volunteer for the annual film festival. Others volunteer for area trail maintenance crews. And of course, they're in your local grocery store, or they contribute volunteer time to PCC Co-op. They hang out at Elliott Bay Bookstore, and attend readings/book signings there. They go to the monthly art walks downtown, attending gallery show opening nights. (These events are designed for socializing.)
Single women are everywhere, and many of them are looking for single men. They attend these events or do the volunteerwork in part hoping to meet a guy. So where have you been, during your time in Seattle?
First I sincerely want to thank everybody for sharing their experience and ideas. Whatever people say about a "Seattle Freeze" there is no evidence of it among this kind crowd. One of my first impulses might be to react: "I tried much of that, but found it not a very fertile hunting grounds." However I'll try to stay constructive in the hope that some of you might respond with some more good feedback.
There are a number of reasons that I've been finding dating tricky. Being new in an unfamiliar city and culture is but one factor. The last time I was dating around was my first year of graduate school when I scooped up a nice young first year law student. Even then I was really not very "good" approaching strange women. After 12 years in that relationship I didn't exactly have opportunity or reason to learn or practice either. Now quite well over 30 I don't really have any peers who can share relevant tips. Everyone I've gotten to know here in Seattle is either in a relationship, way older and divorced, or way too young to be able to give me any useful ideas. I even have gotten a part-time retail gig to get me out and among a different crowd. As fun and rewarding as that may be, it hasn't really been paying off in that sphere.
I've done a bunch of REI excursions; hiking, snowshoeing, kayaking (twice). Not a single single woman (under 50) on any of those. At least I had a nice time at those... Similar were my experiences doing meetup activities in the same recreational interests. You all are assuming that I'm turning my nose up at anybody who's not totally hot. My mind is open and I'm willing to give a chance to any lady who's single and seems sweet, decent and of solid character. I'm totally open to being patient to get to know somebody more on subsequent dates even if I'm not enchanted at the first meeting. On the other hand, I would like to be able to have children of my own so there is an upper age limit that I have a hard time imagining surpassing. After being told for decades to "wait" and "not now" by all the ambitious strong independent women, I still feel like I hardly have the right to make any demands of my own. So complete is the feminist brainwashing of my generation.
I've done some volunteering for trail building, but again... it was mostly men on the two occasions I went... I can try volunteering some more in other directions, but there is a limit to which I can share my time and energy. Furthermore I will not "fake" an interest just to meet women. If I ever did find a candidate in such an interest, eventually she'd end up being disappointed that my dedication to that area wasn't authentic and didn't go as deep as hers. So there isn't much point in me going to art gallery openings. I've tried that and I didn't feel at all right about that. For me to look at art, it's like trying to appreciate the emperor's new clothes (in a worst case) or finding forms in clouds. It's not that I don't enjoy fine arts. Some artist creations I enjoy and they connect to me on an emotional level. But I really don't feel competent to "share" or discuss. The few times I've tried I felt like a total phony.
Perhaps some of you might share some of the more charming and effective cold approaches you've experienced (or executed). I have to agree with newbieposter about the scenery at Green Lake. Indeed it might be a trek for me to go all the way up there just for a jog. If any of you could share any tips on how that cold approach of a jogger actually goes down, I'm sure I'm not the only one who'd appreciate it. You may say it's a fertile hunting grounds but I've never observed anybody actually reeling anyone in. Until I hear actual reports, count me skeptical. Maybe some of you even have some tips for approaching (or rather not to bother) at the gym. Even though the ratios are usually terrible between 20 and 40 to 1 men to women, there is occasionally a cutie there among them. Probably not worth the trouble, but if you are right that she's just waiting for the attention, why not and what do I have to lose? Really I'm not at all afraid of rejection. I can just never think of a clever charming way...
FrankSpencer claims his outdoor activity groups have plenty of single women. Are they public? How do I audition? I welcome your private message if you think your single ladies might be interested to consider my pitch...
The idea of chatting up strange women at the bookstore is also something I've heard about, but never actually witnessed nor attempted myself. I suppose I could try even if I'm not quite sure how I could execute the maneuver. I do get most of my books at the public library or online. After having moved so many times and having disposed of hundreds of pounds and thousands of dollars of books, I have a hard time spending any more money on such a heavy and bulky ballast. On a couple of occasions I've chatted up some of the others in my neighborhood library. I don't think I've ever seen an inspiring candidate there though that I would want to invite on a date. Mostly families, kids... and I'm embarrassed to admit in my ethnically diverse and "vibrant" neighborhood, fellow "European-Americans" make up about 10% of the population according to the last census. You'll probably laugh, but every time I get north of the shipping canal, I'm amazed to realize that Seattle has white people....
You right thinking progressives are probably ready to pack me off to re-education camp and if that doesn't work, maybe you are starting to think about the possibilities of capital punishment if somebody like I am proves incorrigible. However how many of you are enthusiastic about dating a Somalian, an Ethiopian, a Vietnamese, or a Mexican who just got here? I'm all for rolling out the red carpet and trying to welcome our new neighbors. Today I invited and brought a freshly immigrated guy from China I met at that library to join the meetup hike I took part in. He seemed to have a good time. As a newcomer to town I'm all too aware of how hard it is and how much I wished a few of the natives gave me a little taste of the red carpet. Perhaps this is the answer. If we're all kind of lonely and wishing for a connection, if we all would just reach out every one would find their place and company.
It reminds me of what a bunch of "Christian" fellows I knew while I was living in Berlin. I'm not a "Christian" but I really admired how they were always trying to reach out to those being chewed up and left behind in a big city like Berlin. They tried to reach out to individuals one-by-one. It was completely different from anything I've seen about Christians here in the US in their actions and depictions in our media. They were humble but active on a scale where they could actually make a difference. They weren't preaching and telling other people how to live but rather struggling to live up to their own ideals and help and inspire their peers striving for the same.
It's really too bad I can't swallow all the difficult to believe magic and miracle that makes the most important part of their faith, because I found so much of their style and character to resonate with the kind of values that I find attractive. For the same reason I have a hard time connecting with the "Jewish" roots that I might have but weren't really part of my upbringing. Even more difficult to fathom would be to embrace something completely foreign or innovative such as some mystical or esoteric cult.
My disposition and style might just be too traditional or "square" for Seattle. In marketing and sales you've got to position your product in the right niche. I find it just hard to imagine any of these progressive, crunchy, new-age Buddhist yoga fans falling for traditionally minded, unapologetic Wal-Mart shopping, disenchanted Republican. And I'm skeptical about those darlings too... It's just not a likely good match.
Well I regret that didn't get to any concrete suggestions. Nevertheless I very much enjoyed sharing this Saturday night stream of consciousness. Powered by two cans of Rolling Rock... But not enough power to edit and revise... I'm sorry to have written so much; I lacked the energy to achieve brevity.
I agree with you - don't fake interest in an activity to just meet women. Do stuff you love doing, do it a lot 'because you love it, and you'll meet people. Some of them might even be female. You'll have a good time regardless. Beats writing long posts on internet forums.
In fact, I want to get back in to tennis. Any suggestions anyone?
Last edited by FrankSpencer; 04-26-2015 at 06:01 AM..
Wow, I hadn't expected to launch such a heated debate on dating. Umm, in response to that, I'd say that I'm not exactly sure why things didn't work out in each individual case, but I got the sense that most of the people I pursued were really only looking for something more casual, whereas I was wanting to get close with someone and make them an integral part of my life. Most of these women were 2-4 years younger than me, so it's not entirely unexpected (I was the same way until around age 25), but people are different and I was hoping for the best. Wish I could have found someone my age, but that never happened.
In any case, no hard feelings on the women of Seattle -- the world's a big place, I'll figure it out.
Wow, I hadn't expected to launch such a heated debate on dating. Umm, in response to that, I'd say that I'm not exactly sure why things didn't work out in each individual case, but I got the sense that most of the people I pursued were really only looking for something more casual, whereas I was wanting to get close with someone and make them an integral part of my life. Most of these women were 2-4 years younger than me, so it's not entirely unexpected (I was the same way until around age 25), but people are different and I was hoping for the best. Wish I could have found someone my age, but that never happened.
In any case, no hard feelings on the women of Seattle -- the world's a big place, I'll figure it out.
You'd find what you're looking for among the university crowd: recent grads, grad students, or staff/UW grads. The question is, how to access that crowd.
You'd find what you're looking for among the university crowd: recent grads, grad students, or staff/UW grads. The question is, how to access that crowd.
Oddly enough, I dated in that crowd. It doesn't really matter though -- I'm sure there are great women in lots of different crowds. I don't think anyone did anything wrong, I was just reporting on my experience.
Let me guess, you're moving to Texas or Georgia or some backwards place?
Okay. Why does Texas or Georgia have to be described as backwards? My goodness. Somebody could argue that Seattle is backwards.
Sometimes I think there is a spirit or dominant mental inclination that inhabits a city and either you vibe with that spirit or you don't. Simple. If the dude didn't connect with anybody while there than maybe he wasn't supposed to. His soulmate might be in Phoenix somewhere.
One thing that I find completely disgusting is how people refuse to try to get know a person because of prejudging them based on race and social status. THIS is a problem in Seattle.
There was a comment made about not dating an immigrant If they're new. Why assume that every immigrant would only marry you for citizenship? Or every poor person would only date you for financial benefit? When we narrow our minds and hearts to only include a certain group of people then we make things hard for ourselves.
And I'm no hypocrite. I practice what I preach. I've dated almost every ethnicity from various "social" classes. I don't discriminate. As long as the dude seems like a nice decent man and I'm physically attracted to him- he has a shot. But I will confide that I prefer nerds overall. I'm not into prettyboys. Just sayin...
As someone who lived 20+ years in Texas, yes, Texas is backwards. Their current governor has called out the National Guards to "protect Texas against Obama's invasion." I wish I was making that up. *sigh*
I'm extremely liberal and feminist. I'm also about to celebrate my 20th year being married. My husband and I don't want kids. We're very happy as duel-career people and we don't have to "make appointments" to spend time with one another.
The idea that "all women" here don't want a LTR AND a career is incredibly insulting. The insinuation that if I don't want kids, my marriage won't last is even worse.
Honestly, some of the incredibly sexist attitudes in this thread are answer enough as to why some of you (not the OP) are struggling to meet someone interested in a LTR. This isn't the 1950's folks, no matter how much some of the GOP want to keep it that way.
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The author of the quoted and linked article, Jeff Reifman, said he's been into yoga for years. That must be where he's been getting some of those hundreds of dates. Yoga, Tai chi/Chi Gong groups in Ravenna Park (see acupuncturist Dr. Wang in the U District to join; it's a bit of a singles scene), meditation, and, yes, Buddhism, are popular with women. The YMCA gym in the U District is a big, friendly singles scene, and there are evening events for singles, as well. 
