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My son (ASD) was doing well beginning of the year. Then we had a long winter break (had to take him out 2 weeks early to a different state for a family situation).. then we've had some snow days. So a lot of stuff going on for him.
Ever since we have been back he is refusing to go to school. Says he hates it, wants a new school etc etc. Wants to move states (to where we were in Dec). We ask him why... he can't really tell us. At first we thought it was because he had an issue with a peer, but that got resolved because that kid moved schools. Then he told us he is having difficulty with some subjects. We talked to the teacher and she said he actually does great academically and is actually pretty advanced for his age level. So then he tells us he's bored. We have no idea what to believe anymore.
But morning drop offs are awful.... sometimes. Last week he had 3 great drop offs. Ran right in to class. But I did find a letter in his bag saying Dear Mom, please change my school. Today, like some other days were awful. Resisting with every might to not get in to school. Threatening to run. Mean and nasty and creating a scene. I finally get him in and get a phone call 1/2 hour later that he really did run out the school door. An admin stayed with him and after a short walk he calmed down and has been good.
He makes the drop offs so tough, but once the day goes on, he does fine. Comes home happy like nothing happened.
He ran out one other time a few weeks ago. So we have had the "safety" discussion with him. He also did this last year in K and eventually stopped.
I don't know what else to do. He's not consistent at all. When we get in the car to go to school he is fine. Once we get to school, it's like a switched turned on and he is completely different, but not every day.
The only consistency he has so far is telling me how much he hates school and how he hates getting services.
His teacher has been supportive and is optimistic the long break is giving him the blues. But she did also mention he does very well with his work (finishes everything independently) and actually gets more upset when it's time for services. He is in a gen ed private school.
I do feel that he may have some confident issues because he gets services. He is very aware of what goes on and tell me all the time that he does not need that help.
How do I get him back in to school mode and keep him from running out of school? Doesn't help we have another winter break coming up in 2 weeks.
Does he share his special services class with other kids? Some of them less abled than he is? Maybe he notices that, and that's why he doesn't like it, or going to it.
Yes his services are on site and it sounded like there was a child that was giving him a hard time... but that child (as of last week) is no longer there. So at first I thought that was the issue. But he's gone now. Unless my child doesn't understand gone and still worried he may come back at any time?
But I do not think there is any other child in the class that may get the amount of services he gets. This happened last year too. He had a 1:1 aide and at first he thought great. I have someone to do things for me! But then as the year went on I think the aide crowded him too much. And soon he realized he was the only child out of all 3 Kindergarten classes to get the 1:1. He even asked us why he was the only one to get that.
This year he has speech and PT 2x a week and a resource teacher daily for 40 minutes. So it's a lot less, but he still hates it. He has told me many times already, I don't need it. And his teacher has also agreed that she doesn't think he needs it. But then how do I justify he doesn't need services when he pulls what he did today... running out of the classroom.
I think where he needs areas of help is maybe sitting still, social skills and how to react in situations he is not comfortable with. Academically the teacher has told us he is doing very well and pretty advanced. So I am only speculating, not knowing what he is really thinking inside, is that he must think... how come I can know more academically than my peers, but yet I still have all these services... and perhaps that lowers his confidence? That he is not quite sure what it is "in" him to need this help?
I was thinking maybe I can speak to him tonight to mention when he runs out like that it's a safety issue and a reason why we cannot stop services? So he understands services is not just for academics but for actions he takes at school to show he needs help?
I am not sure if that is a good idea though. Don't want to make his current services negative and have him hate it more.
Last edited by rainingblue; 02-05-2018 at 01:11 PM..
Reason: add on
Maybe you could put it to him that in SO many areas, he's excelling, and that MAYBE he's right, and doesn't need all the services anymore, but running out of school is a very scary thing, and it doesn't help YOU (mom) feel more confident, that he doesn't need all those services.
And then maybe say "Let's see you go a whole month acting like a big boy, and we'll consider cutting back on the 1:1 assistant. ?
Basically "Show me you don't need one on one services."
My son (ASD) was doing well beginning of the year. Then we had a long winter break (had to take him out 2 weeks early to a different state for a family situation).. then we've had some snow days. So a lot of stuff going on for him.
My sympathies. From the teaching end, I can vouch for behavioral regressions even after just a few days off school. My previous employer (specialized setting withall students with ASDs and other similar diagnoses) was a year-round program for that reason, and rarely were there lengthy breaks. But things like snow days, family trips...yeah...you can't control for everything. Long gaps in the routine are very, very difficult for all involved.
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Ever since we have been back he is refusing to go to school. Says he hates it, wants a new school etc etc. Wants to move states (to where we were in Dec). We ask him why... he can't really tell us. At first we thought it was because he had an issue with a peer, but that got resolved because that kid moved schools. Then he told us he is having difficulty with some subjects. We talked to the teacher and she said he actually does great academically and is actually pretty advanced for his age level. So then he tells us he's bored. We have no idea what to believe anymore.
And he might be bored. Even if he's doing well.
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But morning drop offs are awful.... sometimes. Last week he had 3 great drop offs. Ran right in to class. But I did find a letter in his bag saying Dear Mom, please change my school. Today, like some other days were awful. Resisting with every might to not get in to school. Threatening to run. Mean and nasty and creating a scene. I finally get him in and get a phone call 1/2 hour later that he really did run out the school door. An admin stayed with him and after a short walk he calmed down and has been good.
He makes the drop offs so tough, but once the day goes on, he does fine. Comes home happy like nothing happened.
He ran out one other time a few weeks ago. So we have had the "safety" discussion with him. He also did this last year in K and eventually stopped.
Is there some sort of behavioral reinforcement set up that acknowledges safe and compliant behavior? What happens on days when he transitions well, behaves safely? Is this recognized in a meaningful way?
Also, when he threatens and his behavior is inappropriate, how is it reacted to by those around him? It's possible that THAT behavior is getting inadvertently reinforced.
Quote:
His teacher has been supportive and is optimistic the long break is giving him the blues. But she did also mention he does very well with his work (finishes everything independently) and actually gets more upset when it's time for services. He is in a gen ed private school.
I do feel that he may have some confident issues because he gets services. He is very aware of what goes on and tell me all the time that he does not need that help.
How old is he? He may well resent feeling singled out for special services. Or, typically developing peers may be reacting in ways that affect him.
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How do I get him back in to school mode and keep him from running out of school? Doesn't help we have another winter break coming up in 2 weeks.
The only way to keep him from running is to have set up meaningful behavioral reinforcement for safely going to class, etc. and not attempting to leave the building, and, if necessary, having him escorted, if he can't or won't transition safely. It's too high a risk, otherwise.
As far as getting him back into school mode, it really is just going to take a stretch of regular routine without interruptions. Having another break soon that throws his routine off is going to be a challenge, though.
This year he has speech and PT 2x a week and a resource teacher daily for 40 minutes. So it's a lot less, but he still hates it. He has told me many times already, I don't need it. And his teacher has also agreed that she doesn't think he needs it. But then how do I justify he doesn't need services when he pulls what he did today... running out of the classroom.
I think where he needs areas of help is maybe sitting still, social skills and how to react in situations he is not comfortable with. Academically the teacher has told us he is doing very well and pretty advanced. So I am only speculating, not knowing what he is really thinking inside, is that he must think... how come I can know more academically than my peers, but yet I still have all these services... and perhaps that lowers his confidence? That he is not quite sure what it is "in" him to need this help?
I was thinking maybe I can speak to him tonight to mention when he runs out like that it's a safety issue and a reason why we cannot stop services? So he understands services is not just for academics but for actions he takes at school to show he needs help?
This is important.
If he doesn't actually need speech and PT, the therapists can help assess for that and verify that, and it can be dropped from his IEP with your consent, if the team agrees that his progress goals have been met. Do note, though, that it is not popular to drop special related services unless the goals truly are met and there is really no need for future services, because it can be very hard to gain services again, once they have been discontinued. So I would be careful about doing so prematurely and make sure you're really ready to be done with speech and PT before losing it. Children often dislike SLP and PT and OT because it is hard and sometimes literally uncomfortable. It is also typically one-on-one, which works really well for some children with autism, but also can be intense and unappealing for some.
And behavioral goals and objectives are as much a critical part of an IEP as academic and special service-related goals. Moreso, usually, because it is the behavioral piece that often gets in the way of academic success. Also note that SLPs can and do work on behavioral goals under the blanket of pragmatic language skills, i.e. social skills, learning how to verbalize or otherwise appropriately indicate that he is having a problem, feeling overwhelmed, etc. and needs to take a break for a minute, versus engaging in unsafe behavior. All these things are part of communication and are in the purview of the SLP. This may be a good use of speech minutes, moreso than things like articulation, etc. if those are well within the realm of adaptive.
A good rule of thumb is to devise a way to make his time working with therapists, and working on therapy goals, be reinforcing, for him. Making it appealing for him to behave safely, versus more reinforcing for him to behave unsafely, is going to be key.
My son is 7 now so he is very aware and resentful that he is getting services. I think he just wants to be like a regular child, and the pressure he may be getting from services can be too much. When the topic is brought up... he gets angry. He tells us he knows everything already. But I tell him, when he blows up that is a "behavior" and he is telling me he needs help with a "behavior".
What are meaningful behavioral reinforcements? I feel like my son very well knows what is right and what is wrong and does things to push people's buttons and get reactions. But at the same time controlling his emotions is not something he can do. When he loses it, he completely goes ballistic for a few minutes (screaming, shouting, punching). And once he blows off steam, he is good again like nothing ever happened.
When he runs out, everyone is now chasing him. But what he may not truly understand is the danger. But the teacher told us yesterday he also said to them that he wants to kill himself. He has said that to us a couple of times at home when he is upset. He tells me he wants a new brain because he feels stupid. But when all is calm and I ask him what he meant by that, he says oh nothing. I didn't mean it.
So this morning was another bad drop off. He asked me to pick him up from school early. I told him how it may be hard to do so since I have to work. But that I would sit in class with him right now for a few minutes so that he can get settled in. He started to do some work, but continued to tell me he wants me to pick him up early. Then he started working with his group on an activity and the speech therapist came and now all hell broke loose. He wanted to do the activity with his group. She was trying to do a TH sound with him. When he ignored her she put on more pressure with him, asking him constantly if this behavior is accepted behavior. That only agitated him more. I thought if I leave, it would help but he wouldn't let go of me. So I took him outside the classroom to talk to him and the speech teacher followed. Then he started expressing how much he hated speech and didn't want her help. She kept going at him about whether this was expected or unexpected behavior and how he was giving her red thoughts and he just blew up. I really think at that point he needed a break. Not someone to get in his face to constantly ask him what is expected. He was completely stimming. Screaming shut up, rocking himself on the floor. I finally just told the speech teacher that I think he just needs a break. When she left he completely calmed down and curled up in my lap. Finally an admin from the school made her way over and took him for a walk and I left. Now he is back in class and all is good.
So I am at a lost. When I drive him to school in the morning, he does not put up a fight. Gets in the car, no issues. Wakes up, no issues. It's literally right when we get to school in the parking lot as we are about to walk in, he loses it. Is he having separation anxiety from me? (before the break he was getting on a school bus but since we temporarily moved, there is no bus). I thought about having him back on the bus, but was worried what if he acts up on the bus, or as he gets off the bus and how dangerous it will be for him to run off with all the cars and busses around. When he comes home he is happy but will tell me... mom you didn't pick me up early. I really want to go to another school. But he eats dinner and does his HW with no issues.
I'm wondering if we should put speech and PT on hold till he gets back on track so he has a bit less pressure (not sure if that is an option). But we have also made an appt to see a psychologist (off school hours).
Would the book "Explosive Child" be helpful?
Forgot to mention he just got over pneumonia 2 weeks ago, and then got strep last week. So was on a round of steroids and now his 2nd round of antibiotics. Not sure if that is another factor in addition to everything else. But really, he just has not been the same since the break.
Last edited by rainingblue; 02-06-2018 at 11:06 AM..
My son is 7 now so he is very aware and resentful that he is getting services. I think he just wants to be like a regular child, and the pressure he may be getting from services can be too much. When the topic is brought up... he gets angry. He tells us he knows everything already. But I tell him, when he blows up that is a "behavior" and he is telling me he needs help with a "behavior".
What are meaningful behavioral reinforcements? I feel like my son very well knows what is right and what is wrong and does things to push people's buttons and get reactions. But at the same time controlling his emotions is not something he can do. When he loses it, he completely goes ballistic for a few minutes (screaming, shouting, punching). And once he blows off steam, he is good again like nothing ever happened.
When he runs out, everyone is now chasing him. But what he may not truly understand is the danger. But the teacher told us yesterday he also said to them that he wants to kill himself. He has said that to us a couple of times at home when he is upset. He tells me he wants a new brain because he feels stupid. But when all is calm and I ask him what he meant by that, he says oh nothing. I didn't mean it.
So this morning was another bad drop off. He asked me to pick him up from school early. I told him how it may be hard to do so since I have to work. But that I would sit in class with him right now for a few minutes so that he can get settled in. He started to do some work, but continued to tell me he wants me to pick him up early. Then he started working with his group on an activity and the speech therapist came and now all hell broke loose. He wanted to do the activity with his group. She was trying to do a TH sound with him. When he ignored her she put on more pressure with him, asking him constantly if this behavior is accepted behavior. That only agitated him more. I thought if I leave, it would help but he wouldn't let go of me. So I took him outside the classroom to talk to him and the speech teacher followed. Then he started expressing how much he hated speech and didn't want her help. She kept going at him about whether this was expected or unexpected behavior and how he was giving her red thoughts and he just blew up. I really think at that point he needed a break. Not someone to get in his face to constantly ask him what is expected. He was completely stimming. Screaming shut up, rocking himself on the floor. I finally just told the speech teacher that I think he just needs a break. When she left he completely calmed down and curled up in my lap. Finally an admin from the school made her way over and took him for a walk and I left. Now he is back in class and all is good.
So I am at a lost. When I drive him to school in the morning, he does not put up a fight. Gets in the car, no issues. Wakes up, no issues. It's literally right when we get to school in the parking lot as we are about to walk in, he loses it. Is he having separation anxiety from me?
(before the break he was getting on a school bus but since we temporarily moved, there is no bus). I thought about having him back on the bus, but was worried what if he acts up on the bus, or as he gets off the bus and how dangerous it will be for him to run off with all the cars and busses around. When he comes home he is happy but will tell me... mom you didn't pick me up early. I really want to go to another school. But he eats dinner and does his HW with no issues.
I'm wondering if we should put speech and PT on hold till he gets back on track so he has a bit less pressure (not sure if that is an option). But we have also made an appt to see a psychologist (off school hours).
Would the book "Explosive Child" be helpful?
Forgot to mention he just got over pneumonia 2 weeks ago, and then got strep last week. So was on a round of steroids and now his 2nd round of antibiotics. Not sure if that is another factor in addition to everything else. But really, he just has not been the same since the break.
So, your child had a long break from school. You live in a new place. He does not ride a bus anymore but is now being driven to school. He just got over pneumonia AND strep throat. ???? And, you are wondering why he is having problems? Just one of those things can throw off a special needs child for weeks. Add all of them together and I am surprised that you are having as few problems as you are having.
I am a retired special education teacher. Some of the students had difficulty each and every Monday because a two day break from school routine was too long for them. For some children it took a week to recover from a week of vacation away from school.
Are you living in a new house? Is the furniture exactly the same? Are the people exactly the same people as before break? Did the neighborhood children change (such as kids he played with before and now are gone)? Does he have the same amount of room to be by himself and to run around? Is his daily routine the same? These are a few questions to consider. Some of these things may be effecting his behavior.
Is he completely over his illnesses? Just that may be causing behavioral issues.
And, yes switching from riding the bus to being driven to school is a HUGE change. For many students the bus adds a buffer between home and school and it can be very difficult for them if that buffer (that time) is taken away from them.
BTW, at least in my school district, a child saying that they are going to kill themselves, at the minimum mandated a call to the parents, school psychologist and Children's Protective Services. Even if the child is special needs and seven years old it is not something to ignore.
Please contact your child's special education teacher and/or case manager and/or psychologist and/or pediatrician to discuss this issues in depth.
Good luck.
Last edited by germaine2626; 02-06-2018 at 04:59 PM..
We attend a private school, so I guess the resources available are not the same as in public.
Anyways the school called us today to tell me that my son cannot come back to school until our upcoming CSE meeting takes place. I guess during the meeting they will evaluate if this is the right school for him because the district cannot afford the type of services he may be able to get in public. The school mentioned the safety issue with him running out, and the exploding on his speech teacher today.
It eluded to basically a 1:1 (I guess in public school) which we already know we do not want my son to have. He had one last year and it just did not work. She was a shadow to him and he got very angry and bitter towards the end.
It is just so saddening and I am just at a lost on how to even help him next. I completely understand the safety issue and how him exploding at a teacher is not OK at all.
But how do I explain to him... hey you don't have school for rest of the week for doing these things? He is going to love to hear that because the whole battle right now is him not wanting to go to school. So because he did bad behaviors, he gets no school for it. Great reinforcement.
The school did say that the teacher has told them he really does well in class. It's when he gets services (mainly speech and PT pull outs) where he starts getting very agitated.
I tried to talk to him again tonight when he was calm and he told me 3 things he hates about school. 1) Speech and PT, 2) riding the bus home, 3) He gets tired towards the middle-end of day from doing work
But he also told me that he is frustrated but can't tell me why. He just feels it.
So what would be the right services for him? Honestly speech wise he speaks fine but can have problems with pragmatics. But his words are clear. All his speech teachers have told us that in the past. For PT, he only qualified for 1x a week but in K they gave him 2 by accident and when they found out, they said let's just stick with 2.
Behaviors... yes he definitely needs help in learning to express his feelings and also how to react in times of frustration and anger. Right now all he knows how to do is scream, yell, hit and be very very angry when cornered in a difficult situation.
Whether we continue at this school or have to move back to public I still want to make sure I have the right services for him.
This past summer we had no issues at 2 different camps. In fact one was a camp with field trips every day and he stayed with the group at all times. But of course a completely different setting. He was playing, happy, no demands.
And my worry about public is forcing him to learn in the 1 box fits all. Academically here, the teacher has told us that she can try 2nd or 3rd grade work with him because he seems ready. And if he's not we go back. So a lot of flexibility. He learned to read himself when he was 3. Can give you directions like a GPS. If he goes back to public school, he will be forced to learn stuff he probably already knows. I feel like it is such a lose lose situation for us right now.
I've cried so much already I can't even cry anymore.
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