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son is a young 10 yr old with huge Anger Managment issues (very violent followed by regret, then does it again). Currently undergoing therapy but it isn't quite enough.
Got Psyche tested, we now know he has PSS-NOS, just shy of Aspergers due to high IQ.
Is anti-social and not in touch with reality and very violent if disagreed with. Has Severe Anxiety. Cannot be in a daycamp setting with peers. Going out with him to do things is like walking with a ticking timebomb that won't stop talking about his favorite cartoon. As long as he's home he's usuallt calm enough (not always) but he needs to be able to deal with other people and the real world.
Is getting a MRI a plausible idea? or pointless? Could he be entering puberty early (it would explain his moodiness). Should I get that tested?
We're just desperate for ideas. At this rate we're going to end up having to submit him into a special hospital by his teen years as he's just not right in the head.
He basically is no longer allowed in school. We're at wit's end. We don't live in a large city, but may have to drive to the one an hour away to find things to help.
He'll stand there and tell people he barely knows about all the problems and issues involved with his stuffed animals as though they are real people and will be offended if you suggest they aren't real. Its very embarrassing for everyone. I don't like to encourage his building of a stuffed animal civilization unless its some entrepreneurial things that might make him successful one day, but this isn't the case. He's just staying in 2nd grader mode and his development mentally is all but arrested.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry for being clueless, but what is PSS-NOS? My daughter was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (pervasive development disorder, not otherwise specified). Is that the same thing? I wasn't sure if there was a new term I hadn't heard of yet; it seems like the terminology changes every year or two. My daughter is not antisocial, but she has been exhibiting some new, troublesome behavior over the last year: biting, striking out, screams of rage, hitting herself when she is frustrated. She is already 5'4" and 115 pounds at 11 1/2 years old, and she is too strong for us to physically restrain without hurting her. Her physical outbursts are rare, but she scared her little brother the other day. We're going to be talking to her social worker this summer about what we should do. There's a possibility that she might not be able to live with us when she is older, if this behavior gets worse.
There are some posters on this board who have children who live in assisted care facilities. I've talked over DM (direct message, kind of like IM on these boards) with one mom who has really encouraging stories to tell. I'm sure some of these people will help point you in the right direction. This particular forum moves very slowly, with only a few new posts a day. It might take a day or two, but I'm positive you'll get some good feedback. Best wishes.
I'm scared of giving up my son (90% of my life and purpose right now) to an assisted care clinic but I may have to for his and everyone's own good. It makes me feel like we've given up or failed. There must be alot of options we have yet to try and he's still young.
Its possible his brain will mature a little. If he loses his temper now, he's still small enough to overpower, so until he's reached his teen years and can be considered an actual danger where he can match my strength or more, then I'm willing to keep the clinics on the back burner (if it means he's not living with us anymore).
Thanks for the feedback.
I know it moves slowly Makes me wonder why people get sore about us putting posts on the faster threads. Seems obvious to me
As usual, I have a bunch of questions. :> I share your pain, and I hope that you find something to advocate for in the list of things I'm going to ask about.
Does your son have an IEP? A behavior intervention plan? What do you mean he's not allowed at school? If he attends a public school and has an IEP, that's illegal. You may need to hire an educational advocate. Also, it sounds like he may be 2E or twice exceptional (disabled and gifted). Is he being challenged academically?
Have you considered a non-public placement at a special ed school? Or a therapeutic day school (it's like hospitalization, but it's during school hours, and includes therapy for all as well as an assessment of educational needs.
Have you tried medication? Risperdal is much touted for aggression, but it doesn't always work, and it has some potentially troubling side effects. Also, does he receive OT, speech, social skills therapy? If not, I'd push for them, because these can be very helpful.
My son has exhibited some of the same behaviors. While he has improved greatly, the allergy season brings regression each year. My home has stuffed animals everywhere, mostly canines. He doesn't forget about any of them, so I can't ease any of them into the trash! LOL.
As usual, I have a bunch of questions. :> I share your pain, and I hope that you find something to advocate for in the list of things I'm going to ask about.
Does your son have an IEP? A behavior intervention plan? What do you mean he's not allowed at school? If he attends a public school and has an IEP, that's illegal. You may need to hire an educational advocate. Also, it sounds like he may be 2E or twice exceptional (disabled and gifted). Is he being challenged academically?
Have you considered a non-public placement at a special ed school? Or a therapeutic day school (it's like hospitalization, but it's during school hours, and includes therapy for all as well as an assessment of educational needs.
Have you tried medication? Risperdal is much touted for aggression, but it doesn't always work, and it has some potentially troubling side effects. Also, does he receive OT, speech, social skills therapy? If not, I'd push for them, because these can be very helpful.
My son has exhibited some of the same behaviors. While he has improved greatly, the allergy season brings regression each year. My home has stuffed animals everywhere, mostly canines. He doesn't forget about any of them, so I can't ease any of them into the trash! LOL.
I meant he's on a home hospital plan. He's still a part of the school just for the safety of the staff and students, he's not allowed to attend regular class till things get better (which isn't likely to be soon). Home Hosp only lasts 6 weeks at a time tho, so after that if he isn't better, I'm kinda down to Homeschooling and I REALLY don't wanna do that.
He does have an IEP, speech therapy and regular phychiatric therapy. We don't like Riperadol, it made him hallucinate, had trouble breathing and heart raced and I'd never been so scared. Almost called 911 but he got better. We do have him on Concerta and Abilify. Its better than nothing.
I have gotten some things tossed out. He's literally an out-of-sight out-of-mind type person. It could take weeks to years for him to notice, if ever. Of course I only do it in small bits at a time so its not noticed and for things I know for certain will not be missed anytime soon.
We've looked into the private or specialized schools, however at $20k a semester...can't afford it. Unless there's something else I'm overlooking.
I meant he's on a home hospital plan. He's still a part of the school just for the safety of the staff and students, he's not allowed to attend regular class till things get better (which isn't likely to be soon). Home Hosp only lasts 6 weeks at a time tho, so after that if he isn't better, I'm kinda down to Homeschooling and I REALLY don't wanna do that.
He does have an IEP, speech therapy and regular phychiatric therapy. We don't like Riperadol, it made him hallucinate, had trouble breathing and heart raced and I'd never been so scared. Almost called 911 but he got better. We do have him on Concerta and Abilify. Its better than nothing.
I have gotten some things tossed out. He's literally an out-of-sight out-of-mind type person. It could take weeks to years for him to notice, if ever. Of course I only do it in small bits at a time so its not noticed and for things I know for certain will not be missed anytime soon.
We've looked into the private or specialized schools, however at $20k a semester...can't afford it. Unless there's something else I'm overlooking.
Okay, I understand more now. By private school, I mean a non-public placement by the school system at public expense. If the school can't handle him (evidence of that: the home/hospital arrangement) and there is no other public school in the district that can handle his needs (evidence of that: home/hospital), then the public schools can't provide him with a free appropriate public education under IDEA right now. So the school needs to explore and place him at a non-public special ed school, at public expense (not yours). You would need to request an IEP meeting (in writing) for placement purposes and specifically request such a placement. If the team refuses, I would appeal it. I am really truncating this process. Take a look at:
Okay, I understand more now. By private school, I mean a non-public placement by the school system at public expense. If the school can't handle him (evidence of that: the home/hospital arrangement) and there is no other public school in the district that can handle his needs (evidence of that: home/hospital), then the public schools can't provide him with a free appropriate public education under IDEA right now. So the school needs to explore and place him at a non-public special ed school, at public expense (not yours). You would need to request an IEP meeting (in writing) for placement purposes and specifically request such a placement. If the team refuses, I would appeal it. I am really truncating this process. Take a look at:
Have you applied or talked to Social Security yet? If not I'd suggest it as they could give you/him some income to pay for a residential program. As for the idea you're failing if he goes into a residential program, to that I say hoooey.
If the motor in your car blew up and you had no idea what to do you'd take it to a mechanic to rebuild it right? It'd stay there until such a time as it was running correctly right? Well same thing with your son. He needs a better mechanic than you're able to be and in my mind it's a dis-service to him AND your family if you don't do something.
He/you will never be happy (and may even get locked up when he gets older) unless you start now while he's still young and trainable.
Good luck and remember there's many of us out there with you!
And there's a long waiting list for residential facilities, so even if you're on the fence about putting him in one - get him on waiting list anyway - you can always say no later.
I have a son who's 15, ASD and Profound bilateral deafness (plus he's just a hulk of a kid...). He's been in residential care for 6 years now. I was in much the same situation, in a small town with not much services. We weren't really even close to a town that had anywhere near what he needed, actually.
I think every family whose child is in residential care has one moment, an epiphany, if you will... here's mine. When he was 8, I had another son. I was already staying home full-time with him, and really, he adjsuted very well to having the baby around. He also had an older sister, and an older step-brother and step-sister. By age 8, he was already bigger than my 10 year old daughter, and much bigger than my diminutive 12 year old step-daughter, too. He almost stood eye to eye with me, as I'm only 5' tall. My DH worked on the road, on call at all hours of the day and night. Everything fell on me. One afternoon, he got very angry over something or other (honestly can't remember what). We were standing by the back door, which leads me to believe it may have been time to go somewhere. Our basement steps were just inside the back door, and when his anger came this time, he shoved me towards the steps. It could've been very bad.
My parents, as well as DH, had already been talking to me about how long I was going to be able to handle him, just based on his sheer size. That day, I realized that I needed help. What's more, I was beginning to realize that the program he was in, he was about to outgrow. I began to search for residential schools at at that time. The waiting lists are very long, that is true. It's also very hard to find a school that is a good fit. We were very blessed to find the placement we did. Even then, it nearly took an act of God to get him in, including many, many calls to DHS. My mother even offered to come sit with the social worker for a day, and bring my son with her! LOL! I actually think that was the last straw. It wan't long after that his funding was approved, and we were finally able to place him.
We managed to find a school located about an hour from our home (at the time). It was an all-inclusive, school and residence facility. After two years, they decalred that he had progressed beyond what their schooling could provide, and asked my permission to contact a school for the deaf in a town about 30 minutes from them. I had been trying to get him into that school for 8 years by that point, btw... He just completed his third complete year at the school for the deaf, and WOW! His frustration and anger isues were caused mostly by his inability to communicate, or more accurately, for anyone around him to be able to understand him. Being in the proper setting allowed him to have the structure he so badly needed, and the specialized education I could never provide him at home.
If I would've kept him at home, like a "good parent" would have, I would have been doing him a huge disservice, just to soothe my own conscience. Because I was willing to let go, this young man has grown into exactly that... a young man. Had he stayed at home, I'm confident he would still be a kindergartener trapped in a teenager's body. He's still far from age appropriate, but he can read and write, he's developing his own hobbies, and we've discovered that he is an amazingly talented artist! (I should post some of his work on here. He's very good.) He also has a 3.3 GPA, and is learning self-care and vocational skills that, again, I wouldn't have taught him at home.
I still go visit him on a very regular basis, bring him home sometimes, and make sure that he gets to ALL family gatherings/picnics/reunions, etc. He still has an excellent relationship with his older siblings, and that all-important rivalry with his younger brother. His self-control is much imporoved (I cannot say enough about this), though he does still have the occasional meltdown. He can deal with being told no, which never could've happened before. He's 15 years old, about 5'8", and easily 240. He's just plain a great big boy, and he's not showing any signs of slowing down! The important thing is, however, not only can I control him when necessary, but most of the time, he can control himself.
I mean no disrespect to those amazing parents who really can do it all, and they are out there. I wish I had what it takes, but I do not. Keeping my son at home and trying to fake it would've been very selfish, and very unfair. I love all of my children, and I'm proud of all of them as well. I have one in law school, and one who's preparing to intern at the state Capitol this January before going on to college, but the one whose progress I most admire is that of my deaf, autistic son. I think to a point, we all look up to him as someone we'd like to emulate. He works hard, plays hard, and never gives up. He sees the beauty in the world that most of us miss, and he takes the time to be kind. It's all him. I deserve no credit, except for maybe that I realized I couldn't do what needed to be done. The best thing I ever did was to seek out those who could do what I wasn't able to do. Never be afraid to do what's right for your child, even if it hurts.
I'm sorry I've written yet another book of a post... I'm just so passionate about this subject, and I want my boy's story to be heard. It's a great success! Feel free to DM me if you'd like.
God Bless!
~D
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Makes me wonder why people get sore about us putting posts on the faster threads. Seems obvious to me 
Tyler's story
The important thing is, however, not only can I control him when necessary, but most of the time, he can control himself.
