The Diff'runss Bee-tweenz th' Nawths an' th' S-O-U-T-H's (rentals, houses)

[lonestar2007]

OK, I realize I probably shouldn't post this here, but we've had plenty of discussions on the 'North & the South' and shoot, what the heck, I figure a little humor thrown in is good for us all. Besides, what with all the bad news these days, a little laughter sure isn't going to kill us! Have fun, y'all!


Subject: The Diff'runss Bee-tweenz th' Nawths an' th' S-O-U-T-H's



Ever now an' then we feels th' need 2 let awl yawl know in no uncertain termz 'zackly whut th' diffrunss iz bee-tweenz th' Nawths an' th' S-O-U-T-H's....heer'tiz.....

The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained!

The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.

The North has Coffee Houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions .


The North has kids, the South has younguns.


The North has Mothers And Fathers, the South has Momma's and Daddys


The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; the South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt, the South has the Bible Belt.


FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH. . .

In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'.

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in big ol' truck or big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin' " is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, jus' 'cause the cat had kittens in the oven, don't mean we're gonna call 'em biscuits.

Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you knowd it.

Your kin would get a kick out of it too!

Y'all come back now, ya hear?

[ATX Homeboy]

Gotta render the bacon grease then mix it wit' certain chemicals and presto you git EXPLOSIVES.

My boy was 3 when I bought him a lever action 44.

And, you're right. Just because G.W.Bush's daddy moved here from Massachusetts don't mean they're Texans!!! If that's the case, then I reckon Bill and Hillary really are New Yorkers.

[ahzzie]

mmmmmmmmmmmm bacon.

[case44]

Well, we can start with the accents.....

[latetotheparty]

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA.......

thanks for the chuckle lonestar........

[MuscogeeButterfly]

LOL, as I was reading this, silently to myself, I reverted to a dialect, for full effect, of one little lady, I use to care for, from "Vuh-Ginya" I could just, hear her voice, as I was reading this...too funny.